


Requiem

by codependentsoulmates



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M, Priest!Jensen, angel!Misha, demon!Chad, demon!Jared, priest!Christian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-06
Updated: 2013-06-06
Packaged: 2017-12-14 03:44:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 42,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/832313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/codependentsoulmates/pseuds/codependentsoulmates
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen Ross Ackles is a devout Catholic. He’s been turned from civilian to priest due to a demon possessing his lovely wife Danneel. His devotion to God has gone above and beyond sitting in a church every Sunday and he works alongside some local hunters to exorcise any and every demon they come across. However, Jensen never expects to meet a demon who’s possessing a very familiar person. Now, he’s torn between wanting to regain everything he gave up and striving towards the holiness he gave it up for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lacrimosa

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by Lacrimosa by Mozart, Lacrymosa by Evanescence, demon!Sam and priest!Dean. The title is taken from Mozart’s Lacrimosa. The original lyric is ‘Dona eis requiem.’ A requiem is a Mass celebrated for the repose of the soul or souls of one or more deceased persons, using a particular form of the Roman Missal. In context of ‘Dona eis requiem.’, it roughly means eternal rest in Latin.
> 
> This fic isn't the best fic ever written but it's my baby and I hope you like it. <3

**~Prologue~**

**Jensen**

  
“You’re going straight to Hell,” the demon’s version of Danneel’s voice hissed at him, turning his wife’s pretty features into an ugly mask of disgust. “Just like us.” Everything about Danneel was wrong, wrong, wrong. How did he not notice? How did he not realize that his wife’s voice had gotten a little bit deeper, her smiles had turned a little more maniacal? Even the sex had become so close to painful it was no longer pleasant. How could he honestly not have realized? Was he too busy doing God’s work that he couldn’t notice when his own personal life was going to Hell? He shook his head, as he thumbed through the old journal he’d gotten from his priest friend Christian Kane. It wasn’t like he was an actual priest then, he was a mechanic, but he’d always tried his best to serve God no matter what his occupation. It couldn’t be that he was spending too much time in God’s house and not focusing on his family. That’s exactly what The Devil would want him to think.  
  
After checking the chair to make sure the binds on Danneel’s arms and legs had no give, and looking up at the basement ceiling to be certain that there were no cracks in the devil’s  eithertrap he’d painted, he looked at his wife with a sad look on his face. She is his best friend, his true love. His mother used to tell him he’d never find a good wife by being a mechanic but marrying Danneel had proven her wrong. They weren’t rich by any means but they weren’t poor, they had comfortable lives. It broke his heart that he’d have to be the one to end this because he knew that there was no chance Danneel would be alive after this exorcism. He cleared his throat and looked down at the Latin inscribed on the yellowed pages. This was it. This was the ultimate act of doing God’s will: ridding the world of The Devil, one demon at a time.  
  
As he began to speak the Latin words with as much confidence as he could muster, Danneel let out a scream of pain that for a minute sounded so incredibly like his Danneel that he almost stopped. His hands itched with the need to gather her up in his arms and protect her, but he knew that exorcising this demon from within her was the greatest act of protection he could ever perform. He carried on, speaking firmly and with all the authority that God had given him. He was a chosen people, a sanctified and peculiar nation and God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit had given him and anyone who believed the power to cast out demons. He refused to look at her because he knew that the demon would let Danneel’s face look like Danneel’s face and that would have made him stop. Even so, the demon did not relent easily.  
  
He threw some holy water on her to keep the demon inside docile and then it started yelling at him. “You think you’re any better than me? You filthy faggot? I know what you did, all those years ago. I know what you are. Who you are. You’re not fooling anyone but yourself. You think God’s forgiven you? Ha! I happen to know you have a one way ticket downstairs when you die.” Jensen flicked his gaze to the demon’s black eyes, shuddering at the way they glinted in the dim light of the basement as she smirked. “And when you get down here? I’m gonna make sure you feel every bit of pain you’re inflicting on me right now.” Just as the demon finished its speech Jensen shouted out the last few words of the exorcism rite and Danneel’s head kicked back in a blood curdling scream as a curling plume of thick black smoke projected itself from her throat and down into the ground until it disappeared.  
  
Jensen ran to Danneel who was now slumped in the chair and breathing shallowly. He checked her pulse and realized it was way too feeble to last before he could get her to the hospital. He cradled her head on his chest, feeling tears prick at his eyelids as he kissed her auburn hair. He wondered why God would let this happen, but the Lord worked in mysterious ways so he tried to hold on to the belief that this must have happened for a reason he just could not grasp – he tried to hold on to his faith. He held her close as she died, whispering how much he loved her and that he’d see her in Heaven when Judgment Day arrived. He didn’t cry as he took her body outside and salted her corpse. He didn’t shed a tear as he soaked her down in kerosene and lit the fire. He didn’t sob as he buried her charred remains.  
  
What made him cry, what made him break down as he curled up in a cold, unwelcoming bed, was the thought that he would never be able to see her in Heaven because of a mistake he made ten  years ago. Demons lie, he knew that, but sometimes they tell the truth if they know that was going to hurt more. He said his Hail Mary’s and the Rosary as many times as his grief-riddled brain could manage.  
  
The next day, Jensen called up his priest friend, Christian, and set up a confessional.  
  
The day after that, he enrolled himself in a seminary.  
  
  
  


 

**Jared**

  
It was a gorgeous night and Tristan Padalecki decided that instead of taking his car, he’d walk to his girlfriend Genevieve’s house. He kept his hands in his pockets, staring up at the sky. He could see the vague implications of clouds floating in front of the stars. The stars winked and shimmered at him, almost as if trying to engage him in conversation and Tristan smiled at them. He decided then and there that he’d propose having a picnic in Gen’s backyard, letting the canopy of stars twinkle for their enjoyment. A soft breeze caressed his face almost as if agreeing with his decision and he laughed out loud. Sometimes nature was very talkative if you just listened with your soul more than with your ears. The moon and various streetlights illuminated his path as he periodically looked up at the sky and down at the sidewalk to watch where he was going.  
  
A particularly fascinating twinkle in the sky made Tristan miss a beat and stare at the sky a moment too long. He could have sworn he saw the faintest tail of a shooting star and he peered up at the sky as he walked to the crossing. Two moments too long and suddenly he felt an impact and sharp stab of pain as he flew what felt like a thousand feet into the air. He fell only a few yards away from the truck, hitting his head on the pavement hard enough that the stars were suddenly spinning around his head and not in the sky. Tristan could feel himself slipping into unconsciousness and just before he succumbed to the darkness, he saw a thick column of black smoke barreling towards him. The next thing he knew, everything seemed a bit brighter, his senses seemed a bit sharper and people around him were looking as if he’d been raised from the dead. He stood and the people stepped back with a collective gasp. He shook the dirt off; popping his neck on each side and shaking out his arms and legs before he ambled off in the direction of Genevieve’s house.  
  
He left the house with blood dripping from his fingers and a dark smirk on his face. He hadn’t felt so alive in a long time. The demon, Jared (the shortened version of his true demonic name), stretched Tristan’s arms around and looked at his reflection in a puddle at the side of the road. He didn’t plan to give up this meat suit without a fight. He’d never had a body as attractive as this; it would be no challenge at all to reel in as many men as possible. Poor old human Tristan was using the last bit of his consciousness to fight him off, but the demon was much older and wiser and drained the last of Tristan’s energy to download the human’s memories and thoughts. He liked to consider himself a good tenant. He treated a meat suit well enough and never explicitly tried to kill the person inside. However, if it happened, who was he to care?  
  
He watched the night sky, smiling wickedly to himself. It was good to be out of Hell. There were no males to pique his interest down there, but he’d heard from his friend Sandy that the males on earth were figuratively ‘to die for’. Long, measured strides told Jared that this meat suit did not only look amazing, it felt amazing. With a meat suit like this, he’d have fun by himself on plenty nights, but not right now. He was going to see what earth’s male population had to offer. Hopefully, they’d live up to his expectations; he’d hate to have to go back to Hell unsatisfied. Legs at least a million miles long carried him back to Tristan’s place where he changed the bloodied clothes into something a little more festive. His reflection was appealing and he grinned at the thought of having snagged such a sexy host.  
  
Jared went to the nearest club and managed to fuck five people before leaving. He went back home and jerked off, his demonic urges still not completely satisfied, and moaned obscenely at how fucking good this body felt. The next day he was at it again, finding random men to have sex with, be it consensual or not, and coming back home to jack himself off. It was one of the perks of being a demon, Jared thought, to be able to do this every single day without having to worry about developing  _feelings._


	2. Dies  Illa

**~Part One~**

**Jensen**

  
Every morning, Father Jensen Ross Ackles says a twenty minute prayer. He prays for the Church, he prays for his family and he prays for the world before he finally prays for himself. He asks for God’s blessings and protection in his quest to rid his sleepy little town of as many demons as possible. He pays for God to give him the authority to cast them out in His name. Then he says the Rosary a minimum of two times and finally,  _finally,_ he takes his little notebook out. It’s filled with the names of people who’d been demon possessed before he exorcised them. He names each person and asks for forgiveness on their behalf because they did not ask to be possessed, they did not ask to become evil. He prays for God to have mercy on their souls and allow them into Heaven. He prays that they will not be punished for the acts of which they were forced to do while being controlled by Lucifer’s minions. He says a special prayer for the poor saints stuck in purgatory and an extra special one for Danneel’s soul. Then he’s finally finished.  
  
He takes his shower as hot as he can stand it, symbolically purging himself of sins he might have forgotten in his request for forgiveness. Jensen religiously ignores the morning wood he’s woken up with, focusing his attention on whatsoever is pure and just and holy. Being a priest means he has done away with those lustful pleasures, it means giving up oneself for the Lord. He showers quickly and efficiently, never wasting his water or soap. Once done, he has a quick breakfast, which he profusely thanks the Lord for, clothes himself and sets about answering emails from troubled members of his flock, his good friend Christian Kane, and hunters that keep him clued in on the status of the demon population of his town.  
  
In his inbox, there’s troubling news from the local hunters that a demon has been roaming around the gay bar in town. He’s been asked to take care of it because a case of shapeshifters infiltrating the neighbourhood calls for all the hunters in order to keep it under control. Father Kane isn’t in town and Jensen is the only other priest the hunters trust. Jensen doesn’t  _want_  to take this, though; doesn’t want to step foot in a place so heavily steeped in abomination and iniquity. He has an idea of what goes on in those kinds of places, knows that the minute you walk in you’re subjected to witnessing blatant fornication and adultery. He’s too pure to step foot in there. He wouldn’t want to take God in there, he’s sure that God would smite them all on the spot, and while that would be justice for the lives they live, he doesn’t think he’d like to be witness to that. It would hurt him, all those souls lost to Hades because they chose to deny God the Creator and indulge in sins of the flesh. So, right then and there, Jensen decides that this demon is going to be someone else’s problem. He’s not going to defile himself by stepping foot in that Sodom. Instead, he flips through his Bible Study appointment book and busies himself with choosing who will get to study the word of God with him today.  
  
 **::**  
  
Later that morning, he finds himself at the home of one Rebecca Foster because she seemed like the one with the most questions, and he sought to put her at ease. He adjusts his clerical collar before ringing her doorbell. He steps back, waiting patiently and is shocked when she opens the door with tears in her eyes.  
  
“Father!” she cries, clinging to the door. “I’m so glad you’re here. You couldn’t have had better timing!” Before Jensen can register anything, she’s reaching for him and pulling him inside. “My son. It’s my son,” she mumbles in a thick voice. “He thinks he has encountered one.”  
  
When Jensen is led into the troubled woman’s living room, he is immediately greeted by the sight of a traumatized young man, whose name he can’t remember, curled in on himself on the sofa. His clothes are torn and dirty and his eyes flit around the room like a spooked animal’s would. “Father.” he hears the frightened hitch in the boy’s voice. “I…” His mother rushes to him just as he breaks down in tears. Jensen closes his eyes briefly, asking God for wisdom. He walks over to the loveseat which stands a little ways off the side of the sofa and takes a seat. “I want you to tell me exactly what happened, when it happened, where it happened, how it happened and what you saw,” Jensen says in a low voice. “We need to be certain that it is, indeed, one of the Evil One’s minions and not just some psychopath.” He leans forward, locking on the young man’s terrified gaze. “Tell me what happened.”  
  
The boy, Joshua, Jensen finally remembers, seems to retreat into himself before answering. “Me and a bunch of guys went to this bar last night…” Jensen raises his eyebrow. If this demon is the same one his hunter friends were telling him about then… Jensen will confront Josh about that later. “And we’re drinkin’, havin’ fun when this… this fuckin’…”  
  
“Language!” his mother hisses.  
  
“… _giant_  comes up to me and I… well I was alone… my buddies went off somewhere…” Jensen nods as he translates it in his head: he went off to the back room of the bar to do Lord knows what with that man. “And he starts kissin’ me and I’m like, dude no, but he doesn’t stop an’ he’s fuckin’ strong too…”  
  
“Joshua.” His mother flinches at the swear word.  
  
“…And I’m tryna push ‘im off but he’s just laughin’ and that’s when I see it.” The boy shivers, closing his eyes. “His eyes… they were hazel but then they just, like, flicked to black. The entire freakin’ eye was just this inky black colour and he…” He trails off into a broken sob and leans into his mother’s embrace. “Father Ackles, please, man, don’t make me say it..”  
  
“He crawled into the house this morning,” his mother fills in, voice thick with tears. “I was so worried about him after he didn’t return last night. You can only imagine my fright and concern when I saw my son drag himself in looking like  _this._ ”  
  
Jensen purses his lips, trying to tap into his empathy. “Alright,” he says in a soothing voice. “Tell me what he looked like.”  
  
“He was like… a gazillion feet tall,” the youth says, sniffling. “Legs at least a mile long. He had, like I said, these hazel eyes that kept shiftin’ colours and, like, floppy brown hair. And dimples.” Joshua shudders, eyes closing. “Deep dimples.”  
  
A flash of memory attacks Jensen’s mind. Dimples? Hazel eyes? Floppy brown hair? Jensen knew a kid like that. Tristan. They’d parted ways years and years ago, less than companionably. Jensen’s heart aches at the thought that the sweet kid he met back in high school could now be possessed. He closes his eyes briefly and sends up a quick plea for Tristan’s soul; praying that he be forgiven for everything. When his eyes open, he holds his hands out to the little family. “Let us pray,” he says in his official priest voice. “Let us ask God to have mercy on the poor soul who’s been chosen by this demon. Let us pray for God to outstretch his protecting hand over Joshua for we know not where these things are going to strike next.”  
  
The weeping mother and the traumatized son both nod, each taking one of Jensen’s hands into their own. The three of them sit with joined hands as Jensen begins the prayer. He blesses all the saints and Mary, the mother of them all, before getting on with the real purpose of the prayer. He asks God to cleanse them of their unrighteousness and to bless them. He prays earnestly for forgiveness for Joshua and protection. He claims every promise God ever made over this family, begging for a shield to be erected around them to keep them safe from the advances of Satan.  
  
When the prayer is finished, Jensen beckons to Joshua and they both step outside. “What’s the name of the bar?” he asks the youth once the door is closed.  
  
Joshua squirms, avoiding Jensen’s gaze and Jensen puts a firm hand on his shoulder. “I’m not going to condemn you, son,” he says earnestly. “Just tell me and I might be able to save many other young ones like you. This a chance for you to repent of  your sins.”  
  
Joshua sighs heavily, eyes glinting with tears of shame. “Sans Nom,” he replies in a small voice. “The gay bar, downtown.”  
  
Jensen nods, eyes serious, as he lets the youth go and turns to head back to his car.

**Jared**

  
 A smoldering cigarette dangles from Jared’s long, elegant fingers as he watches his best friend, Chad, fail miserably at Guitar Hero. “Dude,” Jared grins, taking a drag of his cigarette. “You’d think that bein’ a demon would give you more coordination.” He laughs when Chad shoots him a glare. “Not apologizin’,” he says with a wink.  
  
“Fuck you,” Chad spits, ripping the guitar off his shoulder and tossing it one side. “You’re talkin’ as if you’re oh, so perfect. But, remind me, who tripped over  _thin air_  yesterday?” Chad grins meanly at Jared, but it’s tinged with amusement.  
  
“Not my fault,” Jared chuckles, grinding his cigarette into a nearby ashtray. “Tristan’s clumsy as fuck, dear thing.”  
  
“He still in there?”  
  
“Yeah.” Jared stretches, lazily scratching his side. “We get along well for the most part. Dude, I’ll never forget the scare he gave me when he woke up. I thought he was dead!” He chuckles, remembering his first conversation with Tristan. “Sweet kid,” he tells Chad. “I think we’re on our way to becoming, like, one being, y’know?”  
  
“Congrats,” Chad says, stealing a cigarette from Jared’s pack, ignoring his protests. “I think Michael was on his way to bein’ a demon long before I got here. Sometimes I wonder how he and Tristan even became friends. Tristan’s so sensitive from what you’ve told me and how you’ve changed. Michael’s so… like me.”  
  
“True… wait, what? I’ve changed?” Jared bristles at the accusation. “I have not!”  
  
“Yeah, you have,” Chad mumbles around the cigarette he’s trying to light. Task accomplished, he tosses his lighter at Jared and continues speaking. “You smile more, you laugh more. You cry more. You cry at those fuckin’ adopt-an-animal infomercials.” He takes a puff of his cigarette; blows out the smoke. “You haven’t even  _kicked_  Tristan’s dogs, not once!”  
  
“He asked me not to hurt them,” Jared murmurs dejectedly.  
  
“Exactly!” Chad crows, laughing as he takes another drag.  
  
“Look, fucker, you try being completely evil while living with this big ball of sunshine. Maybe if you’re nice I’ll let you meet him.”  
  
“No, thanks,” Chad says around his cigarette. “I’m allergic to cute.”  
  
Jared has to laugh. Shaking his head in mirth at his friend, he stands and stretches. “Now, excuse me, failure. Let me show you how a real expert plays Guitar Hero.” Chad shoves at him playfully and Jared just laughs some more.  
  
“Fuck you, man,” Chad grins. “You suck harder at this game than I do. That’s sayin’ somethin’.”  
  
“Hey!” Jared points an accusatory finger at Chad. “Don’t judge my beautiful human for being a clumsy, goofy, dorky…” His voice trails off and he looks up at the ceiling before grinning crookedly. “Sorry, T. As I was sayin’, Chad, don’t judge Tristan for being a klutz. ‘S my job.”  
  
“Sure,” Chad says with a grin. “Hey, let’s order some pizza. I’m bored.”  
  
“How childish are you?” Jared gives an exaggerated gasp. “I am not going to indulge you in your need for a food fight, Chad Michael Murray!”  
  
Chad simply raises an eyebrow and Jared dissolves into laughter once more. “Okay, you dick. But you’re payin’.”  
  
 **::**  
  
Once alone, Jared sighs in relief, eyes blackened. “I love Chad,” the demon says. “But he’s a bit much in too large a dose. I don’t know how you coped with Michael.”  
  
 _Yeah,_  Tristan laughs softly, the sound almost a whisper in the Jared’s head.  _Sometimes I wonder how we became such good friends._  
  
“I do, too,” Jared says with a soft smile. “Care to tell me?”  
  
 _Too long a story,_ Tristan says with a sigh.  _Don’t really wanna relive it. Met him at a really bad time of my teen years, man. He helped, sorta. Not completely. Don’t think anyone can help completely._  
  
Jared sits down in a recliner with a left over slice of pizza in his hand. “You were supposed to tell me what happened, remember?”  
  
Tristan grumbles and the demon prepares for a full-out argument but then he hears a soft sigh and knows that Tristan has relented.  
  
 _I was thirteen,_ Tristan mumbles softly. _I was naïve, not comfortable in my own skin. I had a few friends but no one who I could really… talk to, y’know? Then,_  Tristan’s voice takes on an almost reverent quality. _I met Jensen. He was seventeen, he was the lifeguard at the community pool and saved me one day. I was runnin’ along the edge the pool, stupid I know, when I slipped and hit my head and fell into the water. Next thing I know, I’m in a hospital and Jensen’s next to me and he’s like smilin’, happy that I finally woke up. Then we’re datin’ I guess? We were kinda exclusive. He was in high school and I was in junior high but he’d drive me home and stuff. We kissed a lot, fooled around, hand jobs, blow jobs… well, he blew me. But, anyway._  
  
Jared can feel his face flush - Tristan must be blushing.  
  
 _So, yeah… I really liked him. Hell, I think I loved him. He made me so fuckin’ happy._ Tristan gives a little rueful laugh. _It was fuckin’ pathetic, but I’d look so eagerly for his car at the end of school and I was, like, so cool because I had this_ high schooler _pickin’ me up from school. And no one guessed that we were more than friends but I became like instantly popular because Jensen was hangin’ out with me. I remember one day he actually came into class to get me and he… Jesus._  Tristan’s breath hitches slightly at the memory.  _He looked so fuckin’ good. Tight jeans, tight vest, leather jacket, hair that fell over his sunglasses but it wasn’t stupid and floppy like mine._  
  
 _I’m lookin’ for a Tristan Padalecki, he said,_ Tristan mutters dreamily. _He took the sunglasses off and looked around the class and then those green eyes locked on me and he grinned and I don’t even know what happened next. I guess he managed to charm the skirt off my teacher but the only thing I remember is that grin and then I’m in his car. And we’re cruisin’ down the highway and I’m like, what’s all this? And he looks at me and smiles all secret like and he says, got something to do first. And he takes me on a fuckin’ picnic… A picnic! I was on top of the world, man. The most beautiful guy to ever exist took me on a picnic._  
  
Jared frowns, finally taking a bite of his pizza. “So what happened after that?”  
  
 _He dumped me and left town._ Tristan says, voice suddenly turning bitter.  _Dropped out of high school, and disappeared. I’ve never seen him since._  
  
Jared feels a flash of anger. How could someone hurt sweet Tristan? “I hate him,” he seethes. “I’ve never even met him, but I hate him.”  
  
Tristan laughs softly, sadly.  _Don’t hate him,_  he murmurs quietly.  _Just. Sometimes I wish I never met him. I’ve honestly never been the same, too serious, too calculating, always looking for the other shoe to drop. But… I’m also glad I met him because those few months were probably the happiest of my life. I just… kinda miss him._  
  


**Jensen**

  
It’s been a few hours since he got home from the Fosters’ residence. He’s been arguing with himself ever since. He initially wanted nothing to do with this demon but now he’s promised the Fosters that he’d try his best to stop it. However, he’s still not sure if he really wants to step foot into a place steeped in such iniquity. There’s a part of him that fears God would smite the club, just like He smote Sodom and Gomorra, and he wouldn’t be able to get out of the building in time. He gets on his knees and sends up a long and detailed prayer, asking God for His help and guidance. Normally, he stays in that position until he hears that still, small voice telling him what he should do – it’s been about ten minutes now and he still hasn’t heard anything. With a sigh, he sends up a prayer asking for forgiveness, accepting his fate, and gets to his feet.  
  
He sighs again, a slow sigh that seems to come from deep within him, as he roots in the very back of his closet for his most secular looking clothing. He shudders as he pulls out a leather jacket, a white vest and the tightest pair of jeans he doesn’t even remember he owned. He stares at the outfit in disdain, but knows he has to look his most sexually appealing in order to lure a demon who is cruising gay clubs into his trap.  
  
“Lord save us all,” Jensen mumbles as he strips down to go take a shower. Like this morning, he turns the water up as hot as he can take it, hoping that this cleansing will make up for the sins he’s about to commit.  
  
Once clean, skin flushed a delicate pink from the heat, Jensen sprays on a mixture of axe and cologne that always made Danneel swoon. His heart aches a little at the thought of his late wife, but it also serves to strengthen his resolve about sending this demon back to Hell. He moisturizes his skin because the denim of the jeans rubbing on his legs would be uncomfortable on dry skin. He breaks out a dusty bottle of hairspray, styling his hair so it sticks up tastefully, spraying just a bit of the hairspray to keep it in place.  
  
He checks the time, and upon seeing that it’s only seven he decides to have a drink to calm his nerves.  He can’t even count the amount of times he’s sent up a prayer of forgiveness before he actually commits the sin today alone. He grabs a bottle of whiskey that he keeps hidden in his Liquor Hell. The amber glow of the liquid calms Jensen just at sight and as he opens the bottle and takes his first drink, his body warms all the way down to his fingertips and by the time it’s nearing nine, he’s on the nice side of drunk from the whiskey.  
  
 Since walking to the car doesn’t seem like too big a challenge, Jensen decides that he’ll be fine to drive. He drives slowly, eyes never straying from the road, taking great pains to focus on every twist of the road and change of lights.  
  
The minute he pulls into the parking lot of the club, he starts feeling sick. He knows it’s not the alcohol he consumed; it’s the evil emanating from the building. He whispers one more prayer of forgiveness before he finally works up the courage to get out of the car. He examines his reflection in the window. He bites his lips just to make them a tad redder, a technique he learned from Danneel when she was caught without lipstick, and spikes up his hair just a little bit more. He straightens his jacket, dusts invisible lint from his jeans and smoothes out non-existent creases on his vest.  
  
He pats the emergency rosary in his back pocket for good measure and makes his way to the sinful establishment.  He can hear the music before he even gets within two  and he cringes at the deep bass and crude lyrics. His hands are shaking as he shows the bouncer his ID and his heart beats faster when said bouncer leers at him. He’s always especially been uncomfortable around big buff men who are so obviously queer it hurts. He edges past the bouncer who grab at his ass and, thank God, his squeak is drowned out by the music.  
  
He can’t remember the last time he was looked at and mentally undressed by a bunch of people, let alone men, and the feeling is unsettling. He wants to scream at them, to tell them that what they’re doing is wrong, that they don’t have to follow in the paths of iniquity, but he knows none of them would listen to him. He’d probably get thrown out of the club and then where would he be in his quest to find this demon?  
  
So Jensen ignores every taunt and jab aimed at him and his figure as he scans the room for a man, any man, resembling Joshua Foster’s description. His fingers itch to punch a guy that makes a comment about his ‘cocksucking lips’, but he holds himself back, despite being a little bit drunk and he’s pretty proud of himself for it.  
  
He’s standing in the middle of the club, looking like an idiot, and scantily clad men drift all around him: dancing, drinking, chatting, kissing and someone’s even sucking a dick in the corner - then he sees him. Jensen’s eyes go wide, his heart pounds and his hands get a little sweaty. It can’t be, it can’t be! He never expected to see him again in a million years, and now he has to exorcize him? Sweet Tristan who was so gorgeous, even at thirteen? Jensen feels dizzy and it’s probably shock coupled with the alcohol that makes him sway on his feet.  
  
Tristan’s standing at the bar, talking to some guy, laughing, throwing his head back and Jensen’s eyes are drawn to the line of his throat. He can feel his jeans get uncomfortably tight and the nausea and disgust rising, leaving a bitter taste on the back of his tongue.  
  
 _Think of the good of the town,_ Jensen mentally chants.  _Think of the good of the town._ He shoulders his way to the bar, gives the bartender his best smile and orders a shot. He can feel Tristan’s eyes on him and it gives him a thrill he seeks to suppress.

**Jared**

  
_That’s him!_ Tristan yells in Jared’s head. Jared takes a moment to note that Tristan no longer sounds like an actual voice, but more like a conscious thought, but he has no time to ponder about that.  
  
“Who?” Jared asks quietly, turning back to the twink he’s flirting with and giving him a warm smile to disguise the word.  
  
 _Jensen!_  
  
Twink be damned. Jared spins around in his seat, locking his eyes on the man who broke Tristan’s heart. He gives him a brilliant smile then waves the bartender over. “Anything this stud orders is on me,” he purrs, keeping his eyes on Jensen.  
  
He sees Jensen tense then relax, and maybe he’s changed. Maybe he’s not homophobic like he used to be. Maybe Jared can win Jensen back. For Tristan, of course.  
  
“Thanks,” Jensen replies in a soft purr of his own, and damn if it doesn’t send a delicious shiver down Jared’s spine.  
  
“No need to thank me, Jen,” Jared says, looking Jensen up and down.  _That’s the outfit he wore to meet me… Tristan,_  Jared thinks. He smiles softly. “Fancy seeing you here.”  
  
He sees Jensen’s eyes flash for a second but it’s gone so fast, Jared thinks he imagined it, as cliché as that sounds. “I could say the same thing,” Jensen says. He looks shy as if not totally confident in his looks and how can this possibly be the guy who had the gall to break  ~~Jared~~ Tristan’s heart all those years ago? “How’ve you been? Long time no see, Trish.”  
  
Jared pauses for a second until a soft  _that’s his nickname for me_  echoes in his head but he can’t tell whether or not Tristan said it... or he if just  _thought_  it. He orders himself gin on the rocks when the bartender gets back to them with Jensen’s shot. He watches as Jensen knocks it back, eyes tracking the bob of his Adam’s apple.  
  
“Been fine,” Jared says with a little shrug. He lowers his gaze, channeling Tristan’s timidity. “Missed you, though.”  
  
Once again, Jensen’s eyes flash and he tenses ever so slightly, but it’s over quickly and he’s giving Jared a rueful smile. “I missed you too. I’m sorry I ended things… the way I did.”  
  
“I forgive you,” Jared says sweetly, knocking his drink back upon receiving it. “But, I think I know a way you can begin to make it up to me.” He starts to stand and holds out his hand while looking down at Jensen. He gives him a soft smile, all Tristan, no Jared, and by now he’s not so sure where Tristan ends and he begins; all he knows is this smile feels natural. He bites his lower lip, shy and sweet. “Dance with me, Jen?”  
  
Jensen looks torn but he gives Jared a smile and takes his hand.  
  
He pulls the other man out to the dance floor just as  _Mind in the Gutter_ ends and  _Birthday Cake_ begins. Jared spins Jensen around so Jensen’s back is against his chest. “Relax,” he whispers into the other man’s ear. “I got ya, Jen.” He rolls his hips upwards, relishing in the choked off moan it elicits. He slides his hands down to rest on Jensen’s hips, grinding into the other man’s ass and biting back a moan when Jensen responds by pressing back against him.  
  
Jensen reaches back and his fingers tangle in Jared’s hair as he rocks his hips back into Jared’s. Jared’s never felt such a thrill in his life, not even from the other men he’s been with since he’s arrived on Earth. He lowers his head slightly to suckle a mark onto the skin of Jensen’s neck, his heart melting at the needy little whimper that escapes Jensen and whoa, whoa, whoa, his  _heart?_ He and Tristan are spending way too much time together.  
  
Then Jensen pulls his arm away, bending and straightening his knees in time to the music as he slowly bends at the waist, and  _holy Christ_ , when Chris Brown sings ‘I wanna fuck you, right now’, Jared can’t help but agree. Hands still on Jensen’s waist, he grinds to the beat of the song, pressing close to the curve of Jensen’s ass. Jensen looks back at him, finger in his mouth, biting on the knuckle and  _why the fuck is that so hot._ Normally it looks stupid and Jared hates it but everything about Jensen is so sexy, right down to his freckles and bow legs and damn, damn, damn.  
  
He pulls Jensen’s back up, back pressed against Jared’s chest, bodies undulating in tandem as he goes back to mouthing at Jensen’s neck. He’s pliant beneath Jared’s hands, hips stuttering as Jared bites down firmly at the pulse point. “Wanna fuck you, Jen,” Jared says, murmuring just loud enough that Jensen can still hear him over the music. “Never got to back in junior high, wanna do it so bad. Always did.”  
  
“Yeah,” he hears Jensen breathe, pulse jumping under his teeth. “Yeah, okay, Tristan. Okay.”  
  
 **::**  
  
They take Jensen’s car because Jared walked there. They almost get into a couple accidents on the way to where the fuck ever Jensen’s taking them but it’s kind of Jared’s fault because he can’t stop turning Jensen’s face to kiss him within an inch of his life.  
  
They finally manage to get to this old dilapidated house and the haunted quality of it makes Jared shiver because damn, if this isn’t his cup of tea. The minute they get out of Jensen’s car, a Chevy Impala or something, Jared isn’t paying much attention to the car, Jared has Jensen flat against the hood of it, kissing him rough and deep. Jensen kisses back with just as much enthusiasm, sucking Jared’s lower lip into his mouth and licking at his tongue.  
  
Jared pulls away, panting and muttering. “Let’s get inside,” he suggests and Jensen nods.  
  
Once inside the house, they’re making out again like teenagers, moving through halls and down stairs while licking into each other’s mouths hungrily. Jared has to remind himself that this is the first time Jensen’s seeing Tristan in years, so it’s natural that he’d be a bit obsessive with his kisses. Jared takes it all in stride, fisting the material of Jensen’s shirt as he blindly leads them through the house. His cock is a hard, aching ridge against the zipper of his jeans and he needs to fuck or get fucked before he explodes.  
  
“Fuck, fuck, Jen…” he hisses out into the kiss and Jensen responds with a “Yeah, Tristan, I know.” Finally there’re no more stairs, no more hallways and Jared lands in a chair with a thud and Jensen’s straddling him and there’s that hot press of denim covered ass on his erection and he has to dig his fingers into his palms to keep from crying out right then. He feels Jensen tie his hands down then he breaks the kiss so he can tie his feet and dammit, Jared loves them kinky.  
  
It’s not until he looks up and sees the rosary that’s suddenly dangling from Jensen’s fingers that he has a slight inclination of what’s happened. His gaze travels up to the ceiling and sees the painted devil’s trap and honestly? He fights a smile, because the last priest who tried to exorcise him got torn apart muscle by bloody muscle, with just a snap of his fingers. Instead of letting the smile through, he feigns confusion. “Jen? What are you doing? What’s that painting up there? Jen? You’re scaring me...”  
  
“Don’t you call me that,” Jensen says in a low voice. “It’s Father Ackles to worthless beings like you. You’re not Tristan. I don’t know who you are, but you’re  _not_  Tristan!”

**Jensen**

  
He’s grateful when the demon finally stops the act. Now he can look at this…  _thing_ without thinking about Tristan, well not as much. “What’s your name?” He asks, voice low and authoritative. “Tell me your name!”  
  
“Jared,” the demon replies, stretching Tristan’s mouth in an awful grimace of a smirk that shouldn’t be making his hard-on throb.  
  
“Hope there’s room for you back in Hell, Jared,” Jensen spits out, furious that this thing possessed someone who, despite the act being a sin and a mistake, was such a big part of his life.  
  
“Low blow, Father Ackles,” Jared purrs with a smirk and tilts his head to the side. “I gotta say, though, I thought this was gonna be some weird kink o’ yours. I was really getting’ into it, too. I like bein’ tied up, y’know.” Jared’s eyes glint yellow. “Makes me all tingly.”  
  
The yellow tint is strange and Jensen doesn’t really know what to make of it but he steadfastly refuses to pay attention to Jared’s taunts. He doesn’t know if he can do this, cause Tristan such pain, but he  _has_ to. His skin is still  ~~tingling~~  crawling with  ~~arousal~~  revulsion from what he had to do to lure Jared here. He dunks his emergency rosary into a barrel of water he keeps nearby and begins praying over it, not before trying to will his erection away, though.  
  
“Think about what you’re doin’ to Tristan,  _Jensen,_ ” Jared sneers. “He likes me. Granted, he hates some of the stuff I’ve done, but I’ve changed, much to my dismay, and to his credtit, but he likes me now. I gave him the confidence  _you_  took away.” Jensen pauses in his prayer, heart pounding faster. “Yeah, that’s right,” the demon says with a mean laugh. “You took somethin’ really special from him. Yet he still managed to snag himself a pretty girl – I killed her, but details, details –  but you took his confidence all those years ago and I will never forgive you for that.  _He_ has, but I won’t.”  
  
“I’m sorry,” Jensen whispers, heart breaking as he remembers every detail of the days spent with Tristan back in high school. “I didn’t mean…” He turns to look Jared in the eye. “I became a Christian and God…”  
  
Jared gets angry then, eyes turning black. “God?! You break this poor guy’s heart because of God? What kinda god would want that to happen? How fuckin’ despicable are you, really?” There’s a sharp cracking sound as the ceiling of the basement splits down in two. Jensen looks up in surprise at the now useless devil’s trap and back at Jared in fright.  
  
Jared breaks his restraints easily, standing so quickly that the chair topples over. He stalks towards Jensen with a thunderous expression on his face. All thoughts of God-given authority flee from Jensen’s mind as Jared approaches him and backs him into the wall. His liquid black eyes seem to darken with rage.  
  
Jensen’s breath hitches as Jared presses his body hard against Jensen’s. “The only reason I’m not ripping you apart right now is because Tristan’s in my head, begging me not to,” Jared growls, breath hot and tickling against Jensen’s ear. “He still loves you,” Jared snarls. “I really don’t know why. Especially not after you broke his heart. You were his reason for living, Jensen. You were his smile. You looked at him and made him feel like the most important person in the world. I can’t believe you took all that from him.” Jared sneers, expression a thunder cloud of explosive anger. “There’s nothing worse than a self-righteous priest.”  
  
Jensen’s brain tells him to spit out the exorcism; he’d have the element of surprise and maybe be able to save Tristan from this demon. But his body tells him something completely different. There’s something familiar yet different about the feeling of Jared’s body. He’s taller than Jensen, now, for one, and his body has filled out nicely with muscles. Jensen lets out a hitched moan as his eyes close. He doesn’t want to see this, doesn’t want to see his body betray him for lusts of the flesh.  
  
“God, you’re such an idiot,” he hears Jared mumble before he feels the pressure of familiar lips against his. He wants to shove this abomination off himself but he can’t. Instead he finds himself leaning into the kiss, wanting more. When Jared’s hands rest on his hips he just throws his arms around the demon’s neck, drawing him closer and deepening the kiss. His skin feels like it’s on fire just from Jared’s touch through the fabric of his shirt. Jared’s no kid, that’s for sure. He kisses like he means it, not shy anymore. Jared licks into Jensen’s mouth hungrily, running his tongue over the rough planes of the roof of his mouth and the edges of his teeth. He sucks Jensen’s lower lip into his mouth, biting down roughly on it and all Jensen can really do is stand there, whimpering and trembling in Jared’s arms.  
  
Jared pulls away slowly, lips swollen and red from their kiss. His eyes are no longer black and the grip on Jensen’s hips has loosened slightly. Jensen locks his eyes on Jared’s hazel gaze and suddenly he’s seventeen with a thirteen year old Tristan in his arms. Thirteen; still trying to figure himself out. Too tall, arms too long, feet too big, hair too floppy. “God, you’re gorgeous.” Jensen can’t tell whether that’s him speaking now or eighteen years ago.  
  
“Pathetic,” Jared snorts even though his voice breaks slightly as he moves completely away from Jensen and disappears into thin air.  
  
Jensen runs his hand over his face, sending a prayer heavenward for forgiveness. He eyes the barrel of water in which his rosary still floats. He crosses over to it and dunks his head into the cool water. Just in case.


	3. qua resurget ex favilla

**~Part Two~**

**  
**

**Jared**

  
“You’re doing  _what_?” Chad exclaims, looking at his best friend in disbelief. “Have you gone crazy? For all you know, there’s a massive devil’s trap engraved in the very foundations of that place.” He starts pacing and Jared holds back a laugh; Chad looks stupid when he’s pacing.  
  
“Why are you even going  _in_ there?” he says, flailing his arms. “I get that Tristan has some obsession with the guy but why are  _you_  going to put yourself in danger?”  
  
Jared shrugs as he rummages around in Tristan’s closet for a suit. “I get off on this,” he says simply. “Call me… Jared ‘Danger’ Tristan Padalecki.”  
  
“You’re  _super_ gay, you know that right?”  
  
Jared turns his head to grin at his friend. He makes a kissy face at Chad before dissolving into giggles at the horrified look on his face. “Yeah, Chaddikins, I know.”  
  
Jared picks out a navy blue suit, he’s not sure why, as he’s not that big a fan of the colour but  _Jensen likes how it brings out the blue in my eyes._  He pauses. That sounded suspiciously like a  _thought_  instead of Tristan’s words. “Tristan?” he whispers. When he gets no answer, he shrugs and holds the suit against himself. He turns to Chad. “What do you think?”  
  
“I think you’re getting way over your head,” Chad says with uncharacteristic concern. “I think you’re developing emotions from being with Tristan even though you’ve only recently started talking. This would never work, Jared. He’s probably looking for a way to send you back to Hell as we speak. He's going to betray you, Jare. It's only a matter of time. He's a priest, it's what they do. They don't know anything else.”  
  
Jared flinches slightly, bites his lip, and looks down at the clothes. “I meant about the suit, Chad,” he says quietly. He knows he’s getting too attached to Jensen, but he can’t help it. Tristan seems to have bled into him and that one encounter with Jensen left Jared feeling tingly and itching to get back to him. “I can handle Jensen.”  
  
Chad shrugs and shakes his head. “Well fine, just, I dunno. Fuck him up the ass as hard as possible then, but spare me the details. And when he breaks your heart, which he will inevitably do, don't come cryin' to me 'cause I ain't gonna give a fuck.”  
  
Jared just smiles softly, knowing that Chad’s brief moment of actually sort of caring is over. He prefers asshole Chad; he’s easier to hang out with. “I'll remember that,” he promises. “Now go, I gotta get ready for church.”  
  
 **::**  
  
Jared doesn't know how Tristan's room  is suddenly replaced by a grassy knoll surrounded by green trees and rainbow flower bushes. Nor does he know how or why  _Chad_ has suddenly turned into Jensen. A really, really, young Jensen with hair that tucks behind his ears and falls loosely over his forehead. A really young, attractive Jensen that's extremely close to  his face and smiling as if he's the only person that exists right now.  
  
It finally dawns on  Jared that he must be having one of  Tristan's memories, but he wonders why he isn't seeing it through an outsider's eyes. His train of thought ceases once Jensen begins to speak.  
  
"You're so beautiful," Jensen  is saying, almost in awe, as Jared's attention focuses on him. "So fucking gorgeous."  
  
"I'm not," he hears himself say, but it's in  Tristan's voice. He can feel himself blush. "I'm... I'm all... too tall, and my hair's too floppy and my arms are too long and my feet are too big and -" Jared sighs, feeling how uncomfortable Tristan is in his own body.. Or is it Jared's body? He can''t tell anymore.  
  
"No," Jensen says softly, cupping Jared's face in his hands and Jared can feel his body tingle and warm at Jensen's touch. ."God, Tristan, don't believe that and don't believe anyone if they tell you that, man." And Jensen smiles; Jared feels his insides melt a little bit. "You're goddamn beautiful. More beautiful than any of the girls and guys I know."  
  
Jared feels his heard swell with unimaginable love for this young man who's telling him how stunning he is and he's a bit frightened. This is Tristan's memory, not his. He'd never met Jensen before Friday, he doesn't even know why he's having this memory.  
  
"I've gotten, like, so cool since we started dating," Jared fears himself say and it's so strange because he wasn't even aware that those words were going to come out of his mouth. He feels himself smile. "I think all the girls are jealous that you even notice me. Especially today? When you came for me in class? Yeah... I could hear them talking."  
  
Jensen grins, green eyes sparkling as  he listens. "Well, fuck 'em, right Trish? You're the only girl for me." Jansen laughs softly, the sound warming Jared's skin and trickling over him water from a babbling brook.  
  
Jensen kisses him and Jared just about melts into a puddle. It's nothing like their kisses at the club. It's tender, sweet, full of love and adoration. He feels Jensen sigh, tastes the smoky mint on his breath and wraps his arms around the older boy's neck, pulling  him closer, wanting more. When Jensen pulls away, he's looking at Jared with this dazed smile on his face and Jared wonders how he could have let Tristan go. "Love you, Trish." he thinks he hehars Jensen say but it's muffled and fuzzy and he knows Tristan never caught it, not really.

  
  
  
  
The colours around him blur and fuzz out just like Jensen’s voice until Jared’s hit with a staggering bout of vertigo. He stumbles back, gasping when the feeling of movement slams to a stop and he’s standing in Tristan’s room again, holding his suit in his hand.  
  
Chad looks at him curiously, but he barely notices it. He needs to take a shower so he hangs the suit on the doorknob of the wardrobe, finds a crisp, clean, white shirt and a pink and blue stripped tie because  _Never saw a guy who could rock a stupid pink and blue tie like you, Trish. I’ve seen you when you go to church on a Sunday. It’s a crime to keep you in there all fuckin’ day when I’m just home, horny; alone and wantin’ you so bad._  
  
 **::**  
  
Jared almost laughs as he steps into the church. Of course, they’d be so convinced that a demon can’t walk into the ‘house of God’ that they wouldn’t bother to do the necessary rituals and artwork, if you will, to keep those same demons out. He keeps his hands in his pockets and his head tilted downwards. He’s not sure if any of the guys here might be guys he raped –  _but that’s such an ugly word_ he thinks – at the club. He knows how ‘curious’ Christian boys can be, and he doesn’t want to get kicked out just yet.  
  
Mostly, though, people notice he’s a newcomer and are very kind to him. They shake his hand, ask God to bless him and give him sweet smiles. He knows Tristan would have liked this kind of thing. He also knows how fake it really is.  
  
The actual service can’t start soon enough. He sits in the only empty pew, watching as the ministers or priests or deacons or what the fuck ever they are walk onto the platform and take their seats. When Jensen walks on, he sits up a little straighter, eyes glazing yellow briefly in his arousal. Damn, if that man doesn’t look downright sinful in his priest robes. The paradox of it all makes Jared snicker.  
  
He keeps his eyes on Jensen, waiting for the man to meet his gaze. He can see the slight change in Jensen’s body language as he feels someone staring at him. Someone not of his flock but someone his body remembers. He looks up, meets Jared’s gaze. But, Jensen’s a good actor. The only thing that could give him away is the slight widening of his eyes and the conflicting emotions found in the green of them. Of course, only Jared notices because he’s the only one who’s watching.  
  
Jensen stumbles only once throughout the service. He’s preaching about the love of Jesus and how He accepts everyone, but you need to rebuke your sin so He can fully forgive you when it happens. He makes the mistake of catching Jared’s eye as he talks. Jared licks his lips, drags his thumb across the lower one. Jensen’s breathing hitches and he stumbles on the word ‘iniquity’.  
  
Jared laughs.  
  
 **::**  
  
"What the fuck are you doing here?" Jensen snarls once everyone has left. "Why the fuck would you even come here, Jared?" He shoves at Jared as if attempting to physically get him out of the church. He seems to have forgotten that Jared is a demon and Jensen can't do anything to physically get him out of anywhere. Jared's face just breaks out into a grin that's about ten degrees south of innocent and holds his hands up in the universal 'don't shoot' signal.  
  
"Came to see you in action," Jared smiles, lowering his hands and ducking his head, all adorable Texan charm that he seems to have inherited from Tristan. "Real good job, Jen.  _Real_  convincing. No one would guess you got it up for a demon on Friday. A  _male_ demon, no less."  
  
Jensen makes a strangled sound in the back of his throat and stumbles away from Jared. "Stay away from me," he says in a pleading, broken voice, his eyes wild. "Stay the fuck away from me. You're not Tristan; you have no ties to me."  
  
"That's where you're wrong," Jared says softly, stepping closer to Jensen, his gaze concerned. "I don't know how it happened, Jen," he says slowly, voice low and hands outstretched as if soothing a frightened animal. "But we're like one person, now. I can't tell where I end and Tristan begins. I don't even know if you can exorcise me anymore. Sending me to Hell would send Tristan down there, too. I don't think you'd want that, would you, Jen?" He's in front of Jensen now, backing him into a wall, looming over him with yellow glazed eyes. "Send your beloved Trish to Hell? Break his... our...  _my_  heart for a second time?"  
  
Another strangled sound makes its way from Jensen's vocal chords. "I didn't mean... It's not like that... Jared, you have to leave."  
  
"Tell me to leave," the demon replies, voice gone husky and lowered about an octave and a half. "If you really want me, and Tristan, to leave just say it. Say the exorcism rites and I won't even fight it. I'll stand here and take it. Unfortunately it'll bring Tristan down there too, but we'll take it. So do it, Jensen. If you  _really_ want us to leave then just fucking say it."  
  
Jared's not surprised to see Jensen's eyes start shimmering with tears. "Come on, Jen." Jared grabs Jensen's shoulders, forceful now. "Send us back! I dare you!"  
  
"I can't!" Jensen yells, completely defeated now. "I can't do it."  
  
"Then let me kiss you," Jared pleads, voice all soft and quiet; more like Tristan. Jared can't really remember when he started  _feeling_  every bit of Tristan's emotion, but he knows if he lets Jensen get away, he'll never be able to forgive himself. "Let me show you that I  _am_  Tristan. Please, Jen. This is me saying this, I'm not trying to trick you. I don't know what happened but I know how much Tristan loved you and I feel... I don't know how I feel, Jen. But I know I have to do this for him... For us. For  _me_."  
  
Jensen looks so torn that Jared almost feels remorse for putting him in this situation but he knows he has to do this. Tristan's in his head, sounding very much like Jared, and he wants this. And Jared wants this and Jared's almost scared with how much  _he_  wants this. It's not even much of Tristan's influence at this point, Jared just _really_  wants Jensen. "Please," Jared says again, voice soft, hitching on the word.  
  
"Damn," Jensen breathes, but he reaches up and cups his hand around this back of Jared's neck and brings him in for a kiss. It's nothing like their kiss at the club. There are no tongues dancing and teeth clashing. It’s not like their kiss in Jared’s memory. It’s slow, tentative. Jensen doesn't even slip his tongue into Jared's mouth. It's almost chaste, how tender it is and Jared can't understand why he likes it so much.  
  
They stand there: Jared's hands resting on Jensen's hips through his robe and Jensen slowly raising his arms to link his fingers behind Jared's neck. Jared lets out a soft sigh when Jensen timidly flicks his tongue out to lick over Jared's lower lip. The demon opens his mouth slightly, giving Jensen invitation and access. The priest takes it shyly, licking into Jared's mouth; remaps the planes and grooves of the roof of his mouth, the slick velvet feeling of the inside of his cheek, the ridges of his teeth.  
  
Jared moans softly, hips canting forward to press his rapidly hardening cock to Jensen's pelvis. At Jensen's whimper, Jared moves one hand from Jensen's hip and snaps his fingers. Instantly, Jensen's priest robes are off and folded in a random pew, rosary lying neatly on them, leaving Jensen in just his shirt and a pair of pants. Jared chuckles breathily, amused by the priest's wide-eyed expression. "See? I'm not completely evil," he grins before kissing him soundly again.  
  
"Jared," Jensen breathes, gasping when he breaks the kiss and starts sucking on his neck.  
  
"I know, Jen," Jared replies huskily, pressing his palms to Jensen's hips. "Quit thinkin' so hard," he admonishes. "Let go." Jared kisses the flushed skin of Jensen's neck, sucking his mark into it, biting down and Jensen makes this delicious keening sound that goes straight to Jared's cock and he really can't take it anymore. He pushes his hips forward, groaning when his denim-clad erection meets Jensen's.  
  
"We have unfinished business," he reminds Jensen while licking up to his mouth and claiming it in a bruising kiss.  
  
"Mmm... Jared, no..." But his protest is weak and countered by the way he meets Jared's kiss eagerly, pressing his body to his.  
  
"Forgive me, father," Jared begins, tongue flicking against Jensen's with his words. Jensen makes a strangled noise that Jared's starting to get really attracted to. "For I have sinned," he finishes, hissing out the 's' of the last word and suddenly they're in the confessional, their clothes lying in a corner of the priest's side of the room, neatly folded.  
  
"Jared," Jensen breathes, stunned at his sudden state of nakedness. "Jared, please... Anywhere but here, Jay. I can't..."  
  
"Your body says otherwise," Jared purrs, one hand grasps Jensen's leaking cock and the other gently pushes him down into the chair. "You want this so bad, Jen," Jared murmurs, leaning down to kiss Jensen deeply, tongues tangling in an erotic dance known only to them, as he slowly works his fist up and down Jensen’s throbbing dick.  
  
Jensen lets out a broken moan, hips thrusting into Jared's hand of their own accord. "Take it," Jared urges, not breaking the kiss even as he starts sinking down to his knees. "You want it so bad, take it, Jen."  
  
He cups the back of Jensen's neck; the lower he goes, the lighter his gentle touch gets as he brings Jensen's head down to facilitate the kiss. "Wanna give it to you," Jared moans against Jensen's mouth. When he breaks the kiss, Jensen makes a little sound of dismay.  
  
Jared chuckles, pressing a kiss to Jensen's sternum. "Right here," he murmurs, kissing down Jensen's kiss and stomach. "Right now. Gonna give you what you  _need_.”  
  
Jensen lets out another one of those strangled noises in the back of his throat that Jared's fast getting addicted to. When Jared slips his mouth over the head of Jensen's cock, his hips jerk as if a jolt of electricity shot right through him and he whimpers sweetly, one hand going down to tangle in Jared’s hair.  
  
“Always had a mouth on you,” Jensen says softly, looking down at Jared through half lidded eyes. “Always wanted you to suck me off so bad, fuckin’  _finally._ ” Jared feels a swell of pride run through him, which he still finds weird because technically Jensen’s talking about Tristan, but Jared’s the one blowing him right now. He mentally shakes his head, focusing on the task at hand. He slips his mouth lower and lower, sucking firmly and basking in the glory of Jensen’s bitten off moans of need and want.   
  
 _Bigger than I remember,_ Jared thinks and he’s not even bothering anymore to wonder why he’s thinking that instead of hearing it in Tristan’s voice. He sucks Jensen down, swallows around him. Jensen’s hips jerk, snapping forward but Jared just relaxes his throat, providing hot suction for Jensen to thrust into.   
  
Jared scrapes his teeth gently along Jensen’s cock and the other man cries out sharply, tightening his grip in Jared’s hair. Jared grins, saliva and precome pooling in his mouth and dribbling down the sides. Jensen catches Jared’s gaze and groans roughly. “Damn,” he mutters. “So filthy, such a slut for me Tr-  _Jared_.”  
  
A shiver runs through Jared’s body and he finally gets a hand on himself. Jensen recognizing him as Jared and not Tristan rubbed him in all the right ways and he moans around Jensen’s cock as he strokes himself. He sucks Jensen’s cock eagerly, anything he can't fit in his mouth, he strokes with his free hand, spit and precome slicking the way.   
  
Jensen’s writhing beneath him, recalling memories and replacing Tristan’s name with Jared’s and making Jared’s cock weep in his hand. Jared rolls Jensen’s balls in his palm, his large hand big enough to fit both of them at the same time. He squeezes them and caresses them until he can feel them tighten in his hand, signaling how close Jensen is to orgasm.  
  
In a moment of daring, he trails that hand down, slipping a spit slicked finger between Jensen’s thighs and rubbing upwards until he finds the puckered rim of his entrance. He presses his finger down on the fluttering rim just as he flicks his tongue over the slit of Jensen’s dick, sucking firmly.  
  
As Jared presses his finger to Jensen’s hole, Jen’s whole body jolts then freezes, and then he’s coming. Thick, hot ropes of come coat Jared’s tongue and he swallows it all down, coming shortly after with a few twists to the head of his dick. He’s moaning around Jensen’s pulsating cock as Jensen cries out, breathing heavily and saying Jared’s name over and over again.  
  
Slowly, once Jensen has started to become limp in his mouth, he pulls off. He kisses back up Jensen’s body kissing him deeply once he reaches his mouth. “See?” he whispers, slipping his tongue into Jensen’s mouth and whining softly when Jensen’s tongue flicks out to lick at threads of come still on Jared’s tongue. “I  _am_  Tristan. Only… A bit better.”  
  
“Yeah,” Jensen agrees dazedly, sucking Jared’s tongue into his mouth. “Fuck. Yeah.  _Jared.”_  
  
Jared pulls away and he knows his eyes must be glowing yellow right now. Jensen looks at him quizzically but he shakes his head. He smiles down at the man beneath him and kisses him again, sweet and tender, like Tristan used to. Even while he’s kissing him, he snaps his fingers.  
  
Suddenly he’s fully clothed and back in Tristan’s room, the taste of pure Jensen still on his tongue. He sits on the edge of the bed and hangs his head, hiding his face in the palms of his hands.

**Jensen**

  
Jensen thanks his lucky stars, the scant few he seems to have left, that whatever magic Jared used to disappear right before his eyes also reclothed him. He looks around the confessional booth, the smell of sex still hanging in the air. His hands shake as it fully sinks in just how badly he’s deviated from the path he’d chosen when he enrolled in the seminary. He just had  _sex_  in the confessional, in the place where he directly absolved men’s sins before God. Not only that, he had sex with a  _male demon_.  
  
Guilt and disgust worm their way around his heart. His whole body starts shaking and only when he sees small drops of moisture on his hands does he realize he’s crying.  
  
How could he let himself be so grossly tempted? How could he let himself yield to that temptation? Sure, Jared may  _look_ like Tristan, but ultimately he isn’t, right? Jensen doesn’t know what to think anymore. Jared sounds and feels just like Tristan. He barely got to see the kid grow up so how is he supposed to know what Tristan would be like once he reached adulthood?  
  
With trembling hands, he clasps the rosary hanging from his neck. He forms the words of his prayer before he can speak them. Is this how Jesus Christ felt on the cross? So totally and irreparably separated from The Father… is this how the Messiah felt? Jensen has never felt truly worthy to come before God with his petty requests; right now he feels like the lowest scum of the Earth. How can God even listen in to his prayer?  
  
He remembers how in the Bible, the tax collector found courage to come before God and confess his sins and from that he draws courage. Hands clasped so tightly around his rosary it hurts, he begins to pray.  
  
His voice breaks halfway through the preliminary Hail Mary and he decides that in this moment in time, what he really needs to do is plead with God to give him answers; advice.  
  
Because, right now, he’s not Father Ackles. He’s Jensen Ross Ackles, a lowly mechanic who was born in Texas and made a fuck-load of mistakes.  
  
“Dear God,” Jensen begins and he feels so awkward but he’s confused and scared and he needs God to answer him. He pauses, he needs to be sure that God is there, listening to him despite how bad he’s messed up. “Are you there, God?” he says in a meek voice, hands trembling so violently his rosary vibrates. “It’s me, Jensen Ackles. I’m sure You’ve noticed but, I’m kind of… I don’t know what to do.”  
  
His voice cracks and he breaks down in tears again, heart-wrenching sobs that rack his entire body. “It’s Tristan, he’s Tristan and yet he’s not… And God… I loved Tristan so much. I was only seventeen but I know I did. I loved him so  _damn_  much but I let him go… I let him go! I broke his heart, his naïve, beautiful thirteen year old heart and I did it for You!” He’s screaming now, standing, looking up at the ceiling of the small room and mentally demanding that God make shit clearer.  
  
“Is this some twisted joke? I let him go, the boy I fell in love with all those years ago, so I can follow You, and You bring him back into my life as a fucking demon?!” Tears of grief become hot tears of anger as he challenges the God he’s spent so many years of his life serving.  
  
“This isn’t fair!” he yells, fingers curling into fists and he kind of wishes God were a human so he could punch his lights out. “This isn’t fucking fair, okay? For years before I met Danneel I wished I was still with him, but I couldn’t go back because being with him would have been an abomination, and after I was finally taught about You, I couldn’t go back there.” His voice hitches as the grief returns.  
  
“Now he’s here, he’s back, in my life. And he’s so beautiful, God, he’s so beautiful. Why are You doing this to me? Did I do something wrong? What could I have done to deserve this? The most beautiful boy.” His heart hurts, it’s throbbing violently in his chest and the room’s spinning and all he can see is Jared’s hazel eyes twinkling all sorts of colours at him. “And he’s back! But he’s a fucking demon!” A hysterical laugh bursts from Jensen’s mouth as he sits on the chair, holding his head in his hands.  
  
“I hoped it wouldn’t be him. I hoped that that fuckin’ divine boy wouldn’t be possessed by one of the Evil One’s minions but I can’t believe… I can’t believe You let him get possessed! And I want him so bad…” Jensen sobs hysterically into the palm of his hands as the gravity of the situation truly hits him.  
  
“I love him so much, and I want him so bad and I need some fucking answers from You! Is this some kind of twisted test? Trying to test my loyalty to You? Well, I can’t do it! I fail okay? I’m a fucking failure! I want Jared. I wanted Tristan and I lost him because of You and now he’s back but he’s a demon and I don’t think I fucking care anymore! I don’t!”  
  
 _But I kinda really do,_  Jensen thinks.  
  
He doesn’t register the shaking, thinking it’s his own body trembling, until he sees the sculpted crucifix that hangs on the wall fall to the floor and shatter.  _Earthquake!_ He thinks and suddenly he’s terrified. Maybe God has had enough of him and his screw-ups and this is His way of killing him. Almost instantly, the room fills with bright silvery light that hurts his eyes.  _Shit,_ he thinks desperately.  _I’ve really called down the wrath of God._  
  
The sound of piercing feedback and muffled static fills his ears and it causes him actual pain; he feels it through his bones. He covers his ears with his palms and squeezes his eyes shut. He can still see the light behind his eyelids and it glows a Hellish red through the skin. The shaking seems to reach a maximum and Jensen can feel his teeth vibrating and grating on each other.  
  
 _This is how I die_ , he thinks dismally. He mentally apologizes to Jared even though he’s not too sure why: it’s Jared’s fault he’s in this position anyway.  
  
The light behind his eyelids starts to flash and it’s still so fucking bright that he can see the outline of a man.  _Jesus!_ he wonders and he’s not sure if he’s swearing or acknowledging the fact that it could very well be the Son of God standing before him.  
  
He forces his eyes open, hissing at the pain of the blinding light. Sure enough, there’s a man, but it doesn’t look like the Jesus to which he’s accustomed. He’s wearing a trench coat and a blue tie and behind him, Jensen can make out the black shadow of massive…  _wings._ The image is cut halfway through, as if the confessional cannot contain the full expanse of his wingspan. For a brief moment, Jensen wonders if it extends out into the church.  
  
Mesmerized, and more than a little terrified, Jensen stares at the stranger. His head is tilted downwards, hiding his face. But, slowly, as if sensing Jensen’s eyes on him, he begins to raise his head; the light dims but only marginally. His mouth is moving and Jensen lowers the hands that cover his tender ears so he can hear what this… whatever he is… has to say.  
  
“I am the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition,” the stranger says in a low gravelly voice. His eyes glint icy blue in the silvery light.  
  
And Jensen is a whole lot terrified now. “What?!” he croaks. Was he honestly so far gone from God that he had been eternally damned, despite his repentance? He pauses… his…  _quasi_ repentance?  
  
And the man laughs, positively cackles, and suddenly the room is back to normal, the crucifix hangs as if it has never been broken and he’s no longer wearing a trench coat and tie. He’s wearing a tie-dyed shirt and khakis. “Nah,” he says in between bouts of laughter. “I’ve just always wanted to say that.” He grins. “I’m Misha! I’m your Guardian Angel, dude!” He says guardian angel as if the ‘g’ and the ‘a’ are capitalized.  
  
Jensen is shocked into silence. “My what?” he croaks out once he recovers. He’s never thought about the fact that he might have a guardian angel, much less be able to meet him. But of course, he’s about to die and face the wrath of God, so maybe this is Heaven’s last regards.  
  
“I’m sure I didn’t stutter,” Misha says cheerfully, eyes crinkling at the corners. “I come bearing news from God.”  
  
“I… but…” Jensen swallows, taking in the carefree attitude of his supposed guardian angel. “Am I going to die?” He splutters and Misha laughs again.  
  
“Yeah,” he says offhandedly. “In probably another forty years,” he grins brightly at Jensen’s stunned expression. “But not today. Why are you asking?”  
  
“I…” Jensen takes a deep breath. “I’m a filthy sinner.” Jensen sighs dejectedly, hanging his head. It’s almost as if he can feel the  _holy_  radiating off Misha and it’s starting to physically hurt. “I deserve to be punished in the most destructive way. I don’t really know what I’m doing, but I know it can’t be right…. I’m… I’m literally having an affair with a male demon.” Whatever was keeping him from going hysterical finally snaps. “A male demon!” he yells, hopping up to stand and pacing, frantically tearing at his hair. “A demon is bad enough but he’s also a man!”  
  
“Yo, man,” Misha drawls, looking entirely unimpressed. “You’ll give yourself an ulcer. Just  _chill._ ”  
  
“How do you expect me to chill!” Jensen screams at Misha, hands flailing madly. “I’m having a fucking affair with a male fucking demon! How on earth can this possibly end well?”  
  
He pauses, Danneel’s demon was right. “I’m going straight to Hell,” he says. Fear clenches his heart, squeezing and constricting and it’s so hard to fucking  _breathe._  “I can’t go to Hell,” he pleads with Misha. “I can’t. I can’t! I have to see Danny again! I can’t go to Hell, I need help, I know I do. But damn…. I don’t wanna give up Tristan…. Jared…. Again. Fuck, I barely even know who I’m talking about. But I don’t want to give either of them up.”  
  
The tears return, pricking at the backs of his eyes, and he sits on the chair, bending and hiding his face in his hands. “I can’t… Misha, I can’t…”  
  
“Are you always this dramatic?” Misha asks, Jensen looks up and can see the angel regarding him warily. He laughs a little. He’s always prided himself on being a rational, unemotional man. Well, fuck, that was before Jared stormed into his life.  
  
“Not normally,” he admits. He hiccups before he can continue. “I just. I can’t do this, or anything, anymore. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what I’ve gotten myself into. I can’t give Jared up. Not again.”  
  
“Oh,” Misha says before breaking out into a bright smile. “Well, in that case, I have good news!”

**Jared**

Night has fallen and Chad is out fucking as many tight, barely-legal pussies as he can. He’d asked Jared to join him. There was sure to be a ton of ass out tonight, he’d told him. Jared could be out all night if he wanted. But Jared turned him down, claimed he was tired. Chad had given him a really funny look but Jared didn’t offer any explanations and Chad didn’t ask.  
  
Truth is, Jared’s been worrying himself sick by thinking that he probably fucked up all of Tristan’s…  _his…_ chances with Jensen. He’s been sitting on Tristan’s sofa, eating a tub of Rocky Road and watching  _Queer as Folk_  for the past few hours but nothing is getting his mind off Jensen.  
  
He can’t believe he made Jensen get his dick sucked in the fucking confessional of all places! Of course, Jensen’s body had really wanted it, but maybe his conscious brain did not. Maybe now that he’s had time to think about it he’ll come to the conclusion that he hates Jared and by extension Tristan. The sorrow that runs through Jared at that thought is a very real thing and it scares him. He’s never had emotions this strong before but then again he’s never bonded with a human’s mind before either.  
  
“I’m sorry, Tristan,” he whispers, but even as he’s saying it, he knows it is futile because him and Tristan have probably fully merged by now.  
  
He’s nearing his last spoonful of ice cream when the doorbell rings. He figures it’s probably Chad coming back because he didn’t get any action after all. The friendly insult dies instantly on his lips when, as he opens the door, his gaze falls upon Jensen.  
  
His mouth opens and closes for a few moments out of pure surprise before he can say something. “Wha…”  
  
He never said he was completely coherent.  
  
Jensen smiles softly at him, a blush colouring his cheeks as he rocks back on his heels. “Uh, hi, Jay. I found your address in the telephone book.” He rubs the back of his neck and something deep in Jared tells him that this is something Jensen does when he’s feeling really nervous. “Tristan Padalecki’s still listed.” He continues.  
  
“Um. What are you doing here?” Jared could slap himself for how it comes out. He’s just ruining his chances of getting Jensen back. He can see Jensen shut down, face turning blank and he hurries to rectify it. “I didn’t mean it like that,” he gushes. “I mean… After what happened today in church. I thought you’d hate me.”  
  
Jensen looks up to meet Jared’s gaze. “I don’t hate you, Jared,” he murmurs. He steps forward and brings Jared’s head down to kiss him timidly.  
  
Jared’s eyes widen before he relaxes into the kiss. He pulls Jensen in close to his body, bringing him into the house and closing the door behind him. He presses Jensen against the back of the door, hands sitting low on his hips, licking into his mouth hungrily.  
  
There’s a different flavour to Jensen now. Jared can somehow taste the willingness on him. Jensen’s no longer fighting it and for a minute Jared wonders why but the majority of his coherent thought is chased away by Jensen’s tongue until the only thing he can manage to think is ‘Jen. Bedroom. Inside him.  _Now._ ’  
  
Muscles flexing beneath tanned skin, Jared hoists Jensen up against the door, Jensen takes the hint and wraps his legs around Jared’s waist. Jensen cups Jared’s face as he kisses him desperately and Jared holds him close, hands grasping his ass, as he walks them to Tristan’s… well  _his_ now, bedroom.  
  
He can’t really believe he’s going to have Jensen like this: without having to convince him or take advantage of his body’s reactions. Jared kicks the door to the room open then kicks it back closed behind them. Jensen’s tongue is a constant presence between his lips, licking in with such a desperate edge and running over his teeth and tangling with Jared’s tongue; Jared can’t understand the emotions he’s feelings at the moment. His heart feels like it’s going to explode but in the best way and it’s not just because of his arousal.  
  
He gently lays Jensen on the bed, biting his lip as he takes in his disheveled appearance. His hair is already a little tousled and his shirt hiked up his stomach, displaying a tantalizing expanse of golden skin. “Dammit, Jen,” he breathes; it’s almost like a prayer.  
  
Jensen blushes and smiles shyly. “C’mere,” he says quietly and who’s Jared to refuse? Jared pulls off the t-shirt he was wearing and crawls over Jensen’s waiting body. Jensen wraps his arms around Jared’s neck and pulls him down for a kiss. It’s the sweetest one they’ve shared so far and Jared wonders what happened to change Jensen’s mind. He doesn’t spend too much time on that thought, though, as Jensen does this sinful thing involving the tip of his tongue and the underside of Jared’s that sends a pulse of blood down to his aching cock that leaves him dizzy.  
  
They kiss through their need to breathe, hands starting to roam everywhere. When they break apart, it’s not to obtain some much-needed oxygen, but just to get Jensen’s shirt off.  
  
Once Jared gets rid of the offending piece of clothing, he slips his hand between them to get rid of Jensen’s belt. They can’t get each other naked fast enough and Jensen makes these little whimpers of frustration when in their haste they tangle their belts together.  
  
Jared chuckles breathlessly, cursing the damned thing he tells Jensen to pause. “We’ll never get them off if we continue like this, Jen,” he says softly, pressing a soft kiss to Jensen’s lips. He keeps the green eyed man occupied by kissing him deeply as he slowly works the belts untangled and undone. “There we go.”  
  
Jensen growls beneath him and bucks his hips against Jared’s. Jensen scrabbles at Jared’s jeans and the demon pulls away just long enough for them to get their pants off. _Jensen fucking went commando._ Jared’s mouth waters at the thought of having such easy access.  
  
Jared’s cock is already achingly hard and leaking copious amounts of precome as he lowers his head to kiss Jensen again. He thinks he could spend every single day of his life kissing Jensen; that’s a damned long time.  
  
Jensen moans against his lips as he lifts his hips to rut against the crease where Jared’s hip meets his thigh. Jared lets him do that for a bit before pulling away. “Nuh, uh uh,” he admonishes, pressing a kiss to Jensen’s earlobe. “I’m gonna fuck you, Jen. Don’t want you comin’ by ruttin’ against me like a teenager.”  
  
Jensen makes one of those choked moans that Jared has come to crave. “Want you to, Jay,” he whines, reaching for Jared to bring him back down. Jared truly can’t believe that this is the same Jensen he sucked off in the confessional earlier. The man is completely pliant and willing in his arms, like he’s had a complete change of heart. Not that Jared’s really complaining.  
  
Jared reaches over Jensen open the bedside drawer and pull out a tube of lube. He can hear Jensen’s breath hitch as the other man watches him with darkened emerald eyes.  Jared smiles to himself as he opens the tube with a soft  _click_  and pours the chilly, sticky liquid over his fingers.  
  
He gently spreads Jensen’s thighs with his knee before slipping a hand down to press his slicked index finger to Jensen’s hole.  
  
Jensen’s body quivers and jerks suddenly at the cold press and Jared coos to soothe him. “It’s okay, Jen,” he says quietly, pressing his finger against the muscle and running it around the rim. “Just breathe, baby. I gotcha. I gotcha.” When he feels Jensen relax a bit more, he presses his finger in more firmly, breaching the first ring of muscle. Jensen’s back arches and a keening moan slips from his throat.  
  
Jared bites his lip as Jensen clenches around his finger. “Jesus,” he grits out, unable to move his finger to stretch Jensen out. “God, Jen. Loosen your grip a bit?”  
  
Jared looks up at Jensen’s face just in time to see the man blush and he laughs a little, leaning over to kiss him. “It’s alright, I was kiddin’. But, you really need to relax, okay, babe? Relax.”  
  
Jensen whimpers into Jared’s mouth and he does as he is told, relaxing his body. Jared grins as he starts moving his finger in and out of Jensen shallowly. The noises Jensen makes go straight to Jared’s cock and he aches to be inside of him. He’s wanted this for years… Jared has long given up trying to distinguish himself from Tristan now. When Jensen’s stretched enough, Jared adds a second finger and starts scissoring them as he moves his fingers in and out of Jensen’s hole.  
  
Jensen writhes beneath Jared, moaning and whimpering the demon’s name and tightening around his fingers. Jared hastily adds a third finger, working them in and out of Jensen, crooking them  _just right_  and eliciting a burst a precome from Jensen’s dick and a keening moan from his lips.  
  
Jared can’t take it anymore. With one last press to Jensen’s prostate, he withdraws his fingers. He pours some lube into his palm and slicks it over his raging erection. He hisses at the sensation, twisting his fist over the flushed red head once before wiping the excess over Jensen’s quivering hole with his fingers.  
  
Jared slips between Jensen’s legs, lining his cock up with Jensen’s asshole. “Ready for me, Jen?” Jared asks quietly, pressing the head of his dick to Jensen’s stretched hole.  
  
“I…” Jensen swallows thickly before meeting Jared’s gaze. “Shouldn’t you put on a condom?”  
  
Jared pauses then has to laugh quietly. “Oh, babe. I’m a demon remember? I don’t have the blood that a virus needs to survive, sweetie.”  
  
Jensen seems to pale at that but he nods, spreading his legs a little wider. Jared takes that for the invitation it is and slides all the way home. His breath feels like it’s been punched out of him when his senses are assaulted with the tight heat of Jensen’s body around his dick. In the back of his mind, he registers that Jensen’s moans of intense pleasure are tinged with pain but all he can focus on in this moment is Jensen’s ass around his cock. It’s searing hot inside Jensen and Jared so deep inside him with every breath Jensen takes.  
  
“ _Move,_ ” Jensen hisses, breath coming in short pants. “Dammit, Jay, move.”  
  
Jared isn’t coherent enough to even contemplate a verbal response so he settles for a jerky nod before pulling out. He lets the very tip of his cock linger at the rim of Jensen’s hole before pushing in roughly once more.  
  
Beneath him, Jensen’s writhing on the length of Jared’s cock, begging for more and wrapping his legs around Jared’s waist. His bow-legs are perfect for hooking around Jared’s hips and drawing him in deeper. Jared moans lowly as he hits a different angle within Jensen that feels just as good to Jensen as it does to Jared. He grabs Jensen’s hips, he’s going to have bruises tomorrow, and lifts them  _just so_  and Jensen screams Jared’s name.  
  
Jared huffs out a little laugh. “That’s it, Jen.” He pulls back and thrusts into that same spot, building up speed until Jensen’s a wrecked mess underneath him and Jared’s cock is almost a constant pressure on Jensen’s prostate.  
  
It’s better than anything Jared could have ever imagined. Jensen’s fucking beautiful beneath him and the tight velvet sheathing his dick is almost too much for him to handle. He’s going to come soon, he just knows he is. Jensen’s searing heat seems to suck Jared in, pulsing in tandem with Jared’s throbbing cock.  
  
“Jared!” Jensen cries out, and Jared knows he’s getting close too. He speeds up his thrusts, wanting Jensen to come on his dick alone.  
  
“Come for me, baby,” Jared manages to coo through breathless pants. “Come on my cock like the slut you are. You’re so dirty aren’t you?” Jared leans forward to kiss Jensen passionately as he fucks into him brutally. He trails his kisses to Jensen’s neck, reveling in the broken and greedy moans Jensen makes.  
  
“You want everyone to think you’re so pure but what you really need is a thick cock up your ass isn’t it?”Jared growls. He slows his thrusts down, reluctantly, to facilitate his speaking. He compensates by sucking a purple mark of possession into Jensen’s neck as he talks. “And not just any thick cock, right?  _Mine._  Specifically mine. Not even Tristan’s anymore,  _mine.”_  
  
He bites down firmly on the pulse point of Jensen’s neck and that does it. Jensen comes between them with a choked off scream; Jared can feel Jensen’s dick pulsing against him, can feel the thick, hot strands of pearly white come as it lands on his stomach and chest.  
  
What sends him over the edge, though, is the feeling of Jensen getting impossibly tight, _sohotsotightohfuckfuckfuck,_ around his dick. Jensen seems to get even hotter from the inside, positively scorching, simultaneously squeezing and rippling all around his dick and with a rough groan and one last thrust into Jensen’s body, Jared comes deep inside him.  
  
His vision whites out and loud static fills his ears as euphoria and ecstasy course through his veins. He rides out his orgasm weakly, completely spent now. When he comes down from his high just enough to think clearly, Jared pulls out slowly, smoothing his hands over the bruises starting to blossom on Jensen’s hips as Jensen moans at the loss.  
  
Jared flops onto his back next to Jensen. The human beside him breathes in deeply once, twice, before turning and curling into Jared’s side.  
  
With a heart burning with utmost love for this man, Jared pulls him even closer, wrapping his arms around him. As Jensen falls asleep, Jared tilts his head to watch him, a slow smile appearing on his lips.


	4. ludicandus homo reus.

**~Part Three~**

**  
**

**Jensen**

  
Jensen wakes up in his own room. He can tell because these are his sheets, this is his mattress. A part of him feels a pang of sadness at not being able to wake up to Jared’s face. He’s not sure if he would have been greeted by black, yellow or hazel eyes but he finds himself just wishing he could have been greeted by Jared. Growing more and more depressed by the second, he pulls the covers over his head. The movement sends a dull aching throb up his ass and he groans to himself.  
  
He’s pining away like a thirteen year old girl after her first breakup because of a  _male demon_. Gathering up the shreds of his dignity, he pushes the covers down, sits up and swings his legs over the side of the bed. He blinks around, only then realizing that Jared must have taken out his contacts before he sent him here. Sure enough, he can see the blurry outline of his glasses on his bedside table.  
  
He pushes the stylishly framed lenses, courtesy of Danneel, up his nose and that’s when his gaze falls upon a note. He picks it up and smiles softly to himself as he reads it.  
  
I figured this is all still too weird for you to want to wake up with a demon in your bed so I sent you back home **.** I took your contacts out too, I know they get real uncomfortable when you fall asleep wearing them. I don’t know if you’re up to hanging out today but if you want to you know where to find me. So yeah, hanging out today? Here’s Tristan’s number: 051-890-8092. The guy saved himself as a contact just in case he forgot it! Man after my own heart. Anyway, go shower Jen, you probably stink. See you later, I hope.  
 ~~J~~   ~~Tris~~  Jared  
  
Now that Jensen thinks about it, Jared is right. Waking up in bed with a demon, a male demon to be exact, would probably scare him out of the whole thing. As it is, despite wishing he were with Jared at this very moment, he can’t help but feel impure.  
  
He slides off the bed and gets down on his knees next to it. He doesn’t even feel like he could touch his rosary while doing his morning prayers. He crosses himself, though, feeling like he owes God at least that. Ten minutes later, he hasn’t even been able to say a prayer. He can’t bring himself to ask God for anything, even if it’s to save the other poor souls who are possessed. He feels too unworthy to enter into His presence even on n the behalf of someone else.  
  
He sighs and blinks away tears. All his life he’s had his faith to keep him grounded. Now Jared’s breezed through and turned everything on its head. Jensen can’t blame Jared, though, he can only blame himself for giving into the temptation.  
  
The water of his shower is so hot it hurts, but it doesn’t make him feel any cleaner.  
  
 **::**  
  
He’s been trying to focus on the latest Bible study Chris emailed him for the past half hour. He hasn’t learned anything. Every other word changes to sinner and unholy and other similar terms that make him feel downright despicable, right before his eyes. The letters are bright crimson with blood and his vision wavers and he wonders how could he ever believe a man in a  _tie-dyed_  shirt who claimed to be an angel over the written word of God itself.  
  
He slams his laptop closed and pushes the chair away from his desk, screaming in frustration. To his left he hears a soft whispering of what could only be described as wings and he closes his eyes, shaking his head as if that will make Misha go away.  
  
“Hey!” Misha says cheerfully. Jensen opens one eye and Jesus Christ, what is his angel wearing? The heavenly creature is clothed in a shirt that reads My Other Shirt is a Calvin Klein and  _bell-bottom jeans._ Jensen groans to himself. Why’d he get stuck with this guy? “I hear you’ve been angsting over nothing,” Misha continues. “Again.”  
  
“Stop it,” Jensen says quietly. “I am not  _angsting_. I am no teenage girl –”  
  
“Funny,” Misha snarks. “You were acting like one a couple hours ago.”  
  
“Ha ha. Anyway. I am not angsting. And it’s not  _nothing_.”  
  
“Yes, it is. Have you forgotten what I’ve told you?”  
  
How could Jensen ever forget that? Misha basically gave him an all access pass to Heaven.  
  
 **::**  
  
 _“You’re not going to Hell!” Misha had crowed happily._  
  
 _“I… I what?”_  
  
 _Then Misha went on to explain that there was a special clause in the Heaven Contract stating that if a person is on the path to Heaven and the only thing that could possibly stop them from reaching their goal is the person they fall for, they still get admittance._  
  
 _“God is a good god,” Misha said. “And yeah, homosexuality is not ideal as it was not intended to exist in the beginning and because of sin it has entered the world but God also knows that you can’t help who you fall in love with and He doesn’t think it would be fair to deny a person entry just because they happen to fall for a guy or a girl, y’know? Love is not dictated by gender and He doesn’t see why Heaven should be.”_  
  
 _“But… the Bible says… It says in Leviticus!”_  
  
 _Misha scoffed and crossed his arms over his chest. “Look, Jensen, I’m gonna let you in on a little secret. The bible you know today is not, like, the full word of God. Many manuscripts from, what is it now, two thousand years ago? They didn’t even make it into the final book. Not for lack of truth or inspiration. But, you see, the people collecting the texts and gospels and stuff, they were sinners. Just like the people writing it. And then, take the book of Mose for example. First, Moses writes what he thinks God is telling him. Then there’s a bunch of translators writing down what they think Moses is sayin’. But you humans, you’re fallible. So things are bound to get a bit messed up, right? There’s a lot of true stuff in the bible, don’t get me wrong, but a lot of it isn’t. True, I mean. So don’t take everything in there for gospel.”_  
  
 _“But…”_  
  
 _“No buts, man! Don’t you understand what I’m tryin’ to tell you? The Bible is filled with interpretations. If you check another version of the Bible, it’ll have a different interpretation of the words those old men put in there. So no one really knows for sure. Except us angels, of course, but we ain’t born sinful so we don’t need the Bible. Not really.”_  
  
 _He raised an eyebrow at Jensen. “You pickin’ up what I’m puttin’ down?”_  
  
 _Jensen’s angel was cheesy as fuck, but he had to admit that he actually did understand, sort of. Not really; not at all. He nodded anyway, if just to get Misha off his case about the whole thing._  
  
 _Misha paused to give Jensen a bright smile. “So you see, even though you’re gay –”_  
  
 _“I am not gay!” Jensen replied indignantly, because he wasn’t. Jared was the only exception but he didn’t like men. No, he really, really didn’t like men._  
  
 _“You say toe-may-toe, I say toe-mah-toe,” Misha said, waving his hand dismissively. “Anyway, you’re not going to Hell. You’ve done some really good stuff for the Lord, Jensen, it’d be a shame to let you burn just because you fell in love with a man.”_  
  
 **::**  
  
“It’s not just about ‘not going to Hell’,” Jensen says dismally. “It’s about standing faultless before my Lord. How can I do that when…. When I’m… with…  _Jared._ ”  
  
“Dude!” Misha cries, walking over to sit on the edge of Jensen’s desk. “You are faultless! Well, more or less, anyways. You’re well on your way to Heaven, Jensen. You’ve saved so many lives from the Evil One and sent many a demon down to Hell. And this thing with Jared? Isn’t as impure as you might think.”  
  
“What the fuck does that mean?” Jensen demands.  
  
“Look, ever since he met you in the club, the rapings have stopped. He’s becoming more and more human each day. Yes, a lot of that has to do with the fact that he and Tristan are one person now. It’s almost as if Tristan has never existed separately from Jared, and vice versa. But you’re also to thank. He’s in love with you, Jensen.”  
  
“Are you saying I saved a demon?” Jensen deadpans, and once again he wonders why he had to get stuck with this whack job angel.  
  
“That’s exactly what I’m saying,” Misha declares. “He’s still a demon because that’s his race or species or whatever. But he’s more human than many of the other humans on earth at the moment. He made mistakes, everyone makes mistakes. But he truly is sorry for them, Heaven keeps tabs on demons too, you know. Many of them are descendants of our ancient brothers and sisters. So I know you saved Jared. Without Tristan’s memories of you, granted not all are good, but anyway. Without those memories, Jared would not have become as human as he is now.” Misha pokes Jensen’s chest firmly. “You are to thank for the re-humanizing of a demon, Father Ackles.”  
  
Jensen is feeling the speech right until Misha calls him ‘Father’. “I have to be defrocked,” he says, rubbing the back of his neck. “I can’tstep in front of my congregation every week preaching the gospel when I’m living in sin.”  
  
Misha sighs softly. “I understand where you’re coming from but you’d be doing your flock a disservice if you –”  
  
“How can I possibly continue to be a priest if I’m fucking a demon?” Jensen yells before almost instantaneously calming down. “I’ll find some other way to serve God,” he says quietly. “But I can’t be a priest any longer.”  
  
  
 **::**  
  
Misha is still trying to convince Jensen of his innocence when the doorbell rings. Jensen glares at Misha trying to make him disappear but the angel just smiles happily. “You gonna get that?”  
  
“It’s probably just a member of the church… or something,” Jensen says softly, but in his mind he knows it’s not.  
  
“Yeah,” Misha snorts. “I believe you.”  
  
With a groan, Jensen shakes his head at his angel before going downstairs, Misha hot on his trail. He brushes his hands on his jeans before opening the door. “I’m sorry but I don’t have the time to…” His voice trails off when he realizes who stands in front of him. “Oh…”  
  
“Hey!” Jared says brightly, offering a bag of Thai takeout to Jensen. “I figured you might want to stay home today but I…” his gaze slides over to Misha who’s standing just behind Jensen and waving cheerily. “But I can come later…” he says, expression becoming more guarded and wary.  
  
“No,” Jensen says, a bit too loudly and he clears his throat. “No, he’s not. No.” He forces a chuckle. “C’mon, Jared, I’m not… gay.” He rubs the back of his neck nervously.  
  
“Sure you aren’t, bub,” Misha says, giving Jensen a sharp smack on his ass and causing him to squeak in a decidedly unmanly manner. Jensen turns to glare at the angel before looking back at Jared apologetically.  
  
“Don’t pay attention to this jackass,” Jensen says lowly. “He’s just my guardian angel. Come on in.”  
  
“I know what he is,” Jared says, raising his free hand in the universal ‘don’t shoot’ sign. “I don’t think I should…”  
  
“No, he’s fine, he’s cool,” Jensen rambles, stepping back. The Thai in Jared’s bag smells fucking heavenly and he’s reminded of the fact that he didn’t eat breakfast . “Come in, come in.” He steps back and opens the door wider for Jared and his huge frame. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Misha checking Jared out and his guardian angel surreptitiously gives him a thumbs up.  
  
Yeah, Jensen did always know how to pick them.  
  
Jensen leads them to his kitchen where Jared puts the food on the island in the middle. Jared eyes Misha warily and Jensen has to admit that it makes him happy to see Jared a little flustered and not his usual superior self.  
  
“Hello,” Jared says, hand outstretched to Misha and all soft Texas boy charm. “I’m Jared Padalecki.”  Only then does Jensen realize that the charm isn’t just coming from Tristan, but it’s also radiating from  _Jared._  Maybe what  Misha was saying about Jared and his humanity was correct.  
  
Misha grins, swatting Jared’s hand away and pulling him into a tight hug, slapping his back. “I know that’s not your real last name, man. I also know your true demonic name is way too complicated to say so you’ve shortened it to Jared. And I’m Misha. Likewise, my true angelic name is way too complicated to say. And hey, ho! We’re introduced!”  
  
The angel steps back and grins at the demon and Jensen can’t help but feel like he’s just witnessed something extremely profound.  
  
“So,” Misha begins, looking from Jensen to Jared. “Is he as good a lay as he looks?”  
  
“Jesus Christ!” Jensen exclaims, looking incredulously at Misha.“What kind of angel are you!” Jared looks extremely uncomfortable and embarrassed but Misha just laughs.  
  
“The fun kind!” he replies, smiling broadly. Jensen can still hear the echo of his laughter when he hears the soft flapping sound indicating that the angel has gone.  
  
Jensen rubs his hand over his face before rubbing the back of his neck. “Sorry… Y’know, about my… uh…”  
  
“It’s cool,” Jared replies. “So… I uh… I brought food.”  
  
And suddenly, whatever awkward atmosphere was surrounding them is gone and Jensen laughs a little. “Yeah, I can see that.”  
  
Jared smiles bashfully and ducks his head. “I wasn’t sure what to bring, but Thai is Tristan’s favourite and his body still craves it, so.”  
  
“No, it’s a good idea. I love Thai.”  
  
Jared beams.

**Jared**

  
They are sitting on Jensen’s couch, content after pigging out on delicious Thai food and pleasantly buzzed after a six pack of beer between the two of them. Jensen’s cuddled into Jared’s side and Jared can’t help but feel that this is the way things are supposed to be. That maybe the Big Guy Upstairs has a soft spot for demons who find love somewhere.  
  
He turns his head and presses his lips to Jensen’s hair, inhaling his clean, fresh scent and sighing softly. The silence between them is nice; he’s glad they’re in this place.  
  
Jensen breaks the silence with a quiet “Jared?”  
  
“Yeah?” Jared whispers, smiling softly at how adorable Jensen is right now.  
  
“Why do your eyes glow yellow when…” Jensen clears his throat and blushes. “Y’know, when.” He waves his right hand generally and Jared smiles a bit wider to himself. Jensen is really cute when he’s nervous.  
  
“I don’t know if I can truly give a reason. It just happens when I get turned on.”  
  
“So, hazel is normal, yellow is aroused and black is angry?”  
  
“Basically,” Jared replies. “Hey, look at you, gettin’ all acquainted with the ins and outs of a demonic eye colour. Good for you, Jen!”  
  
“Shut up,” Jensen says, but his words have no heat as he turns in Jared’s arms and presses a soft kiss to his lips. Jared just grins, pulling Jensen closer, licking into his mouth possessively.  
  
Jensen pulls away much too soon for Jared’s tastes, but he curls up against his chest and Jared thinks he can forgive him this once.  
  
That is, until Jensen takes a deep breath and says, “You have to leave…”  
  
“What?” Jared says, feeling a wave of nausea rolling through him. His voice turns brittle with how nervous he’s suddenly become.  “But… Jen… Don’t tell me you’re rethinking this…”  
  
“No, Jay,” Jensen says, looking up at Jared with such an intense green stare that Jared feels compelled to believe him. He loves Jensen so much that it scares him. He fears that whatever Higher Power might be casting a kind eye upon him can only keep this going for so long. Sooner or later, the other shoe is going to drop and Jared will be high-tailing it right back down to Hell and taking his heart-broken wrath with him.  
  
“It’s just,” Jensen continues, bringing Jared out of his inner musings. “I promised Chris that I’d come by tonight to discuss the newest Bible study he sent me. I have to go read it now … I tried doing it earlier but I couldn’t focus. I definitely won’t be able to focus with you here.”  
  
“Oh.” Jared feels a bit miffed that Jensen wants him to leave just to go study some stupid Bible crap but he has to accept Jensen’s religion just like Jensen is accepting Jared’s lack thereof  
  
“Yeah.” Jensen presses another kiss to Jared’s lips and he can’t resist kissing those plump lips back and all is forgiven once again.  
  
Jensen pulls away so Jared can get up and he stands after him before following him to the door. They stop in front of it and Jared turns around and looks down at Jensen and pulls him close, wrapping his arms around his waist.  
  
Jensen locks his fingers behind Jared’s neck. He licks over his lips before speaking. “I can’t love you,” he whispers. “I don’t love you.”  
  
And it hurts. God, that really fucking hurts but Jared can’t hold it against him. He knows how much it’s taking out of Jensen just to be like this with him. “It’s okay,” he lies, voice gone rough, and lowers his head, pressing his nose to Jensen’s. “I don’t love you either.”  
  
Jensen smiles gratefully before kissing Jared once more. Jared responds in kind: eyes fluttering shut and lips moving against Jensen’s, slow and sure and he hopes it conveys all the things he can’t find words for. Jensen whimpers brokenly right into Jared’s mouth and he swallows it, opening his mouth a little more and sliding his tongue into Jensen’s mouth.  
  
Jensen finally pulls away. His lips are red, slightly swollen and Jared wishes he didn’t have to leave. “You should go,” Jensen says softly. Jared runs his thumb over Jensen’s plush lower lip before nodding.  
  
“Have fun with Jesus.”  
  
Jensen grins, pressing a chaste kiss to Jared’s lips. “Have fun with Lucifer.”  
  
With a low chuckle, Jared assures him that he will before opening Jensen’s door. He strolls down the porch stairs and down the driveway; he can feel Jensen’s gaze burning into his back and everything tells him to look back, just one glance, but he steels himself against it and gives Jensen a little wave over his shoulder instead.  
  
It’s not like Jensen loves him, after all.  
  
 **::**  
  
When Jared gets home, it smells different. It’s an unfamiliar scentl; it reminds him of a place he no longer wants to call home. He closes the door behind him, slowly, listening to the sounds within the house. There’s the sound of breathing and he isn’t scared, just pissed that someone would dare break into his home.  
  
He walks into the living room, eyes gone oily black and ready for a fight.  
  
“Calm down,” he hears a female voice say. “I’ve not come to brawl.”  
  
With a blink, Jared’s eyes return to hazel and he stops in his tracks. “Then why are you here? Who are you?”  
  
She rises from where she had been sitting on his couch and stalks up to him. Her head tilts back as she stares up at him but the height difference doesn’t seem to intimidate her.  
  
She has cold grey eyes and blonde hair. Jared doubts it’s natural.  
  
“I see you’ve been getting quite attached to Father Ackles,” she says, instead of answering his questions.  
  
Jared shudders at the way she says the name. He can  _feel_  the disgust, the loathing she puts into those two simple words. “Yeah?” he asks, puffing his chest out just a bit. “So?”  
  
“We don’t like it,” She snarls, polite façade dropping as her own eyes turn inky black in anger. “We don’t like it one _bit_. Jensen Ackles is  _despised_  down in Hell, and you’re fraternizing with the enemy!”  
  
“I don’t care!” Jared says, getting angry himself and his eyes once again flick to ebony. “And I’m not letting you wretches tell me how to live my life.”  
  
“You’re a demon!” The other demon bites back. “You wanna know who I am? I’m Hytlȕasȫnym. Also known as Holly.” She smiles evilly “Also known as the demon who possessed his wife.”  
  
Jared feels sick. Someone possessed Jensen’s  _wife_? “You…”  
  
“Oh, save it,” she scoffs, flipping her hair, eyes flicking back to gray. “You’re currently possessing his childhood love, you don’t get to lecture me about morality. You’re just like me. You’re just like all of us.”  
  
She’s wrong. Jared knows she’s wrong. He’s not like them, not anymore. “I,” he says dangerously, “am  _nothing_ like you.” His voice lowers to a growl as he enunciates every syllable of the word. “ _Nothing._ ”  
  
“Keep telling yourself that,” Holly replies with a condescending smile. “But you’re a demon, Jared. You always will be. You think Jensen has forgotten what you are? He’ll never forget. Every time he’s with you, he’s itching to send you back where you belong. The only reason he hasn’t yet is because you’re wearing Tristan. If it weren’t for that Jensen would have sent you back down. You know I’m right.  
  
Jared’s about to respond but Holly just keeps talking.  
  
“And honestly, Jared. I thought you’d have more self control than this. You’ve only known Jensen for, what, four days? If so many?”  
  
“I’ve known him since I was thirteen!” he yells at her, raising his hand and sending her flying into a wall. “I’ve loved him for over ten fucking years! I never got over him, he was it for me! And now I finally have him back, and I’m not going to let a hoard of filthy demons keep me from him! Now go, before I rip your fucking head off, you bitch.”  
  
She smiles at him, maniacally, before cackling as she pulls herself up. “Keep up your wishful thinking, Jnȧlǫsærɨǆ.” Her eyes turn black, smile evil and menacing. “Keep it up.”  
  
And then she’s gone.  
  
Jared staggers back, pinches the bridge of his nose and closes his eyes tightly. What the fuck just happened? He felt all this justified anger, although he never met Jensen prior to Friday. He’s in this way too deep. It wasn’t Tristan speaking earlier. It was Jared. Pure Jared. Jared’s not sure if Tristan even exists anymore.  
  
Jared pulls his phone out of his pocket, hands shaking, and he speed dials Chad, silently thanking Tristan for having set up the phone like this in the first place.  
  
“Hey, Chad? Yeah, it’s me. Bring all the alcohol you have on hand, okay? Yeah, yeah. Just fucking  _come_ , Chad.”  
  
 **::**  
  
“So,” Jared begins, beer, whiskey and wine slurring his words and his thoughts. “I met the demon who possessed Jensen’s wife. I think she’s gonna hurt him. Or kill him.”  
  
“And you’re possessin’ Jensen’s childhood boytoy,” Chad says, ignoring Jared’s real concern. He hiccups as he takes another swig of bourbon. “Big fuckin’ whoop.”  
  
“It’s not the same thing!” Jared manages to grit out angrily, his concerns momentarily forgotten in the wake of Chad’s implication, alcohol increasing his rage at his friend’s words. “I’m not hurtin’ him.”  
  
“Really?” Chad says, eyes widening and eyeballs rolling around in their sockets, proof that he is more than pleasantly drunk himself. “Far as I know, you’re hurtin’ him more than that demon chick did. How you think he feels, Jay? How you think he’s dealin’ with knowin’ that there’s a demon inside the little boy he fell in love with back in high school, huh? Yeah, maybe that other demon killed his wife, but you… every time he looks at you he’s reminded of everything he’s lost and the fact that lil Tristan will never be the same again. Still think you’re not hurting him, Jared?”  
  
Jared thinks back to their earlier farewell. Jensen had looked right into his eyes and told him he couldn’t love him. But surely…  
  
“Fuck you,” Jared says petulantly as he reaches into his pocket for his cigarettes. He lights one with long fingers, elegant now that a demon is wearing this meat suit, all traces of clumsiness gone.  
.  
  
“You know I’m right,” Chad gloats.  
  
Jared had forgotten how much sense a drunk Chad made, and how much he has always hated him for it.  
  
 **::**  
  
It’s been a couple weeks since the encounter with Holly, and subsequently, a couple weeks since Jared has seen Jensen. In his mind, he justifies not seeing the other man by claiming that he wants to cool things down with him due to Holly’s implied threat. In reality, the possible truth behind Chad’s words is weighing down on his conscience.  
  
What if Chad is right? It’s not as if Jensen has tried to contact Jared during the days he stayed away. Maybe his good-for-nothing asshole best friend has a point. Maybe he’s causing more harm than good here and all Jensen wants is to get rid of him.  
  
Maybe Jensen’s only being nice to him because he looks like Tristan. Maybe Jensen’s still trying to find a way to exorcise him. Maybe –  
  
Jared’s phone rings then and he’s too distraught in his thoughts to check the caller ID. “Hello?” He answers, hating how despondent his voice sounds.  
  
“I miss you.” The voice on the other line says simply.  
  
All of Jared’s doubts dissipate at that short sentence and he smiles quietly to himself. Dammit, Jen. “I miss you too,” he says softly, blushing at how shy he feels and in that moment, if there ever were any doubts about him and Tristan being the same person, all of them are gone. He doesn’t even feel all that demonic anymore.  
  
“Let me take you out,” Jensen blurts out. “I want to take you out on a date. I never really got to do that with Tristan, except for that one day with the picnic and it was one of the best days of my life. I mean, like, I remember it perfectly. I mean, I know you’re not Tristan; you’re  _Jared_ but I still want to go out with you, okay? I mean, we already have the go ahead from my guardian angel, so it can’t be a bad idea, right? Jared, are you still there?”  
  
Jared stares at the phone in disbelief. A rambling Jensen is not something he, or Tristan, is used to. Shaking his head, he brings the phone back to his ear and Jensen’s still rambling and Jared has to admit it’s kind of cute. “Hey,” he says soothingly, cutting Jensen mid-sentence. “Hey, I’d love to.”  
  
The relief in Jensen’s voice is evident in the heavy sigh he releases into the phone. “Great,” he says, and Jared can hear his smile. “There’s this really nice restaurant in town, has amazing steak.”  
  
"I'm lookin' forward to it," Jared says quietly. He can't really believe the turn of events; just a few weeks ago, Jensen was ready to send him back to Hell, and now he wants to go on a  _date_  with him? "What time you pickin' me up, stud?"  
  
That makes Jensen laugh and Jared can see the man shrug in his mind's eye. "I'unno. Seven sound good? Cliché date time."  
  
"Sounds perfect," Jared replies, smiling at Jensen's laugh.  
  
"See you, Jay. Dress pretty."

**Jensen**

  
  
Jensen's hands tremble with nerves as he gets ready. He considers breaking into the pack of cigarettes he keeps on hand, just for these kinds of situations, but decides that he doesn't want to sin anymore than he already is. He just buys the smokes for the sheer temptation of having them like an emergency crutch. He told Jared to dress pretty, so he'd better do the same thing.  
  
He picks out a pair of dark dress pants and a light green button down that brings out the colour of his eyes, Danneel bought it for him. He takes hot shower as per usual. He brushes his teeth, rinses with mouthwash and brushes his teeth again. He slips a small bottle of breath spray into the pocket of the pants, just in case. He styles his hair with just a minimal amount of hairspray and bites down on his lower lip, sucking it slightly to make it redder.  
  
A small thrill runs through him when he contemplates going commando under his fancy pants. He figures the surprise will be good for Jared so that's what he decides to do. Once clothed, he slips his feet into his shiny black shoes, not his church ones- of course, and checks his reflection in the full length mirror in his room.  
  
He looks good, not in a vain or immodest way, but he does.  
  
He looks over to the dresser where a portrait of Jesus stands, staring at him. All his earlier confidence dissipates and he walks over and turns it down on its face. No matter what Misha says and how in love with Jared he is, there’s always going to be a part of him that feels incurably dirty for this.  
  
 **::**  
  
He arrives at Jared's home at exactly seven o' clock. He resists the urge to pray before getting out of the car and walking up to Jared’s front door. He takes a deep breath, raising his fist to knock but it barely has time to connect with the wood before Jared's throwing the door open eagerly, big goofy smile on his face. "Hey!" he says happily.  
  
"Hi," Jensen replies, feeling giddy joy at the exuberance on Jared's face.  
  
"So, let's go?" Jared asks, walking out and locking the door behind him. He's heading to Jensen's car and Jensen's still reeling from the sight of Jared's smile. He's not so sure what's going on anymore.  
  
"Hey, hey, wait!" he calls out, jogging down the porch steps until he's caught up to Jared.  
  
"Yeah?" Jared says, smile never leaving his face. "What is it, Jen?"  
  
Jensen reaches out, wrapping his hand around the back of Jared's neck and brings him down for a kiss. It's deep, passionate but without heat. Just kissing because they can; because they like it. Because kissing is all that needs to be done right now.  
  
Jared's hands come to rest low on Jensen's hips, and while a shudder runs through him, it's not sexual. It's just his body's natural reaction to Jared's touch. His other arm comes up to lock loosely behind Jared's neck at as well and he relaxes fully into the kiss. Jared pulls them closer, hips flush against hips and still it's not sexual in its intention. Jensen can feel that it's just Jared wanting to be as close as possible. He presses his chest forward until not even a breeze could pass between their bodies.  
  
When they finally part, they are still invading each other's personal space so that  from far away they look like one silhouette. "Let's go," Jared murmurs, leaning his head down to nudge at Jensen's nose with his, and Jensen can't agree more.  
  
  
 **::**  
  
The restaurant is a fancy place, filled with couples: heterosexual and homosexual alike. The lighting is soft and cozy, there's a man in a tuxedo playing a piano in the middle of the room.  
  
Jensen looks around at all the couples in the dining area, particularly at all the homosexual ones, both men and women. He feels that twisting in his gut that he doesn't think he'll ever be completely rid of. He’s been conditioned to think that homosexuality is a heinous crime in the eyes of God and even though Misha has told him the truth, he doesn’t think he’ll ever fully accept it or himself.  
  
Mentally shaking those thoughts off, choosing to focus on Jared and the love he feels forming for him instead, he takes Jared's hand in his and is greeted by the brightest smile he thinks Jared has ever given him. All disgust and unease he felt a second ago is now replaced by a fluttering caused by butterflies and nerves. He leads them over to the maître d's table which is commanded by a petite woman with dark blonde hair and blue eyes  
  
"Reservation for Jensen Ackles, please."  
  
She looks down at the laptop in front of her, clicking a few times before looking up with a soft smile. "Certainly." She picks up two menus, and steps back from the table, one arm outstretched behind her, encompassing the dining area. "Follow me, please, sirs."  
  
They do as they are asked and she leads them to a table for two, tucked away in a small cozy corner. The candle in the middle of the table is already lit and its flame is a soft pink glow. Jensen looks at the lady with wide eyes and she smiles. "Special candle, given to all first timers." She places the menus before either chair and gives them another smile. "Your waitress will attend to you shortly," she says before walking back to her station.  
  
Jensen glances over at Jared and catches Jared looking at him.  
  
"What?" he asks.  
  
"Who's pulling out the chair for who?" Jared says, small smirk forming on his lips.  
  
"Well, I asked you out," Jensen replies. Like hell he'll let Jared pull the chair out for him.  
  
"Yeah but you're shorter. And girlier, with your long lashes and pouty pink lips. Like, seriously, Jen, are you wearing  _lipstick_?"  
  
"Fuck you!" Jensen hisses, mentally cursing himself for the biting lip trick. "No I'm not. And I'm  _not_  girly."  
  
"Whatever you say, princess," Jared replies, laughing softly before going over to pull out Jensen’s chair.  
  
Jensen grumbles, but he can't not admit that it feels kind of good. "Well, alright, Jared," he says gruffly as he sits and Jared pushes the chair towards the table. "We'll see who's fucking who tonight. Then we can say who’s the girl."  
  
Jared laughs full out, head tossed back and hazel eyes flashing. "Alright, Jen,"  
  
Their waitress, another petite woman with a pretty smile and dark hair cut in a short bob, arrives just as Jared takes his seat, carrying a pitcher of cold water with ice.  
  
"Good night," she says pleasantly. "My name is Summer, and I will be your server tonight."  
  
“I’m Jensen,” Jensen begins. “And this is Jared.”  
  
“Hi!” Jared greets happily.  
  
Summer pours the water into their glasses before straightening up. "Shall I bring you the wine selection?"  
  
“I’m more of a beer type of guy,” Jared says, grinning at the young woman.  
  
“So am I,” Jensen agrees. “Beer would be great,we're too manly to fuss over a wine list. No offence, though, dear. I'm sure it's a high quality wine selection."  
  
"None taken whatsoever, sir," Summer replies, polite smile turning into a more friendly grin. "I'm a beer girl myself. So, I'll just bring you a couple of our best beers?”  
  
"Sounds terrific," Jensen replies, already feeling himself warm up to the young woman.  
  
She smiles at them again. "I'll be back with your beer and to take your order." Turning on her heel, she walks away, hips swinging.  
  
"Pretty," Jared comments, looking after her for a split second before turning back to Jensen with a smile. "But she looks so young, makes me feel gross. Nice rack, though."  
  
"Jay!" Jensen exclaims but he's laughing silently. "You're incorrigible."  
  
"I'm a demon," Jared replies easily, leaning back in his chair. "What did you expect?"  
  
Jensen shrugs. He doesn't know the answer to that, he realizes. He has to admit that Jared complimenting a young woman is pretty harmless. Even if he feels just a little bit jealous. The quiet moment that stretches into the beginnings of an awkward silence is interrupted by Summer returning with four bottles of beer, two in each hand.  
  
"Your beers, sirs," she says as she places two bottles of already opened beers beside each of their glasses. “Are you ready to place your orders?”  
  
It’s only then that Jensen realizes that he and Jared never actually decided what they wanted to eat. “Um…” Jensen gives her a shy smile and he can hear Jared chuckle. “What would you recommend?”  
  
She grins, shrugging. “The steak is our best seller, but I think I prefer the linguine alfredo with shrimp.”  
  
“I think I’ll have the pasta,” Jared replies. “Jensen can get the steak and then we’ll share.”  
  
Jensen can see Summer’s eyes soften and she smiles and it’s like a silent ‘awwwww’. She scribbles their order onto her notepad. “One plate of the steak and one of the shrimp pasta. Will that be all?”  
  
The two men nod.  
  
“Well, okay then,” she says with a smile, closing her notepad and tucking it into her pocket. “I’ll just go give the chef your orders and I’ll be back with your food as soon as possible.” She turns on her heels and walks away.  
“Fucking sweet girl,” Jared gushes.  
  
“Hey,” Jensen says playfully, reaching forward to punch Jared’s shoulder slightly. “Eyes on me, asshole.”  
  
“Aw…” Jared begins. “Is my Jennybean gettin’ jealous?”  
  
“Fuck you,” Jensen says, even though he kind of is.  
  
“You wish,” Jared shoots back.  
  
 **::**  
  
Their dinner is fantastic. The steak is perfectly done. The pasta is deliciously al denté and the shrimp is just as flavorful as the sauce. Summer recommends the molten chocolate fudge cake and homemade vanilla ice cream for dessert and that alone would have been enough to leave her a more than generous tip.  
  
When Summer brings them the bill, Jensen pays enough money cover the cost of the meal and would see that Summer gets a very handsome tip. They both hug her and give her kisses on either cheek before they go, thanking her for her wonderful service.  
  
As they leave, they’re closer than hand in hand: Jared’s hand resting on the small of Jensen’s back and Jensen’s arm slung behind Jared’s waist.  
  
“Ready to go home?” Jensen asks as they near his car. And Jared shakes his head.  
  
“No… I’m not ready to go home. Let’s... Let’s go crazy, let’s book a hotel room for the night.”  
  
And as crazy as that idea really does sound, Jensen finds himself going along with it. It doesn’t make sense; they both have perfectly nice homes, but nothing about this  _relationship_  makes sense, and in the space of a minute, Jared is behind the wheel and zooming down the road to find them a hotel for the night.  
  


**Jared**

  
The minute Jared pulls into the hotel’s parking lot, not even paying attention to the name of the place, and parks, he has Jensen out of his seat, pushed against the hood of the Impala and is kissing him as if his life depends on it. There is no chasteness to their kisses like there was earlier. No, their kisses now are tinged with hunger and arousal. Jared’s eyes flash yellow behind his eyelids and he tugs at the hem of Jensen’s shirt before slipping his fingers underneath and grazing them against Jensen’s skin.  
  
Jensen moans at the touch, arching into it as he kisses back with just as much hunger and passion as Jared is throwing at him. He slips his fingers under Jared’s shirt as well, digging the tips of his fingers into the sharp lines of his hips. He pull away from the kiss much too soon for Jared’s liking, but more than makes up for it by leaning into Jared’s neck and fucking  _nuzzling_. Jared can feel Jensen inhale deeply, taking in his scent, and it sends something primal shooting through Jared’s nerves.  
  
He cries out softly at the unexpected bite to his pulse point and whimpers as Jensen soothes it with gentle sucks and flicks of his tongue. Jensen’s thumbs rub small circles into Jared’s hips and the feeling causes small tongues of euphoria to lick through his body like tiny flames.  
  
“Room,  _now_ ,” Jensen growls against Jared’s heated skin. And  _yeah,_ there’s no doubt who’s fucking who tonight.  
  
“Okay,” Jared manages to whimper before pulling away just long enough to locate the entrance of the hotel. “C’mon, let’s go.”  
  
They make their way to the front of the hotel, almost tripping over every step of the way as Jensen pulls him back, grinding his hips up as often as he can. Jared’s painfully hard by the time they get to the front desk and Jensen whispering dirtyhotwrongsexy things in his ear isn’t helping matters.  
  
Jensen’s head is buried in Jared’s neck, sucking diligently to leave his mark and Jared uses this opportunity to get them a room for free. He grabs the clerk by the lapels of her shirt. She looks flushed and a little bit hopeful, probably thinking Jared’s going to invite her to join them. It’s almost laughable but he can’t do more than try to focus on getting their room and not Jensen’s mouth.  
  
He pulls her close and breathes a little black smoke through her parted lips. Her eyes cloud over with gray and she’s almost frozen in place.  
  
"Give us a room, free of charge," Jared whispers, biting back a moan as Jensen bites down on his neck.  
  
The girl nods. Jared releases her and she dutifully goes to her computer and types in the required information. Eyes still clouded over with gray, she hands over two overnight keycards to a room. Jared hopes it's a nice suite. With a strained smile - Jensen's still working over his neck with his teeth - Jared takes the two cards and inhales the smoke from her.  
  
“Thank you,” Jared says sweetly, pocketing the cards and stumbling his way to the elevators. His skin tingles where Jensen’s mouth is attached to it and his body feels torn between the rush of blood to where Jensen’s sucking firmly and the rush of blood down to his aching cock.  
  
Jared really has no doubts about who will be topping tonight.  
  
They finally make their way too their room and Jared pushes Jensen off just enough to unlock the door and stumble inside. It’s cold, causing goose-bumps to appear on his heated flesh. There’s no time to admire the suite; Jensen’s fingers are hooked in Jared’s belt loops and leading him to the bedroom area of the suite.  
  
“Hey,” Jared manages, letting out a breathy exhale when the backs of his knees connect with the edge of the bed.  
  
“What,” Jensen growls. He grabs the back of Jared’s head and brings him down for a rough kiss.  Jensen bites down on the fleshy inner side of Jared’s lower lip firmly, then soothes over it with his tongue. Jared can feel that he broke the skin and he can’t for the life of himself remember what he was about to protest.  
  
Jensen shoves him down onto the mattress, straddles his hips and cups his face with strong hands. The kiss they share is hungry, passionate, yet full of love and affection and it takes Jared’s breath away in more ways than just the one.  
  
“Jen,” he whispers into the kiss. In that moment, he’s worried that Jensen has forgotten that Jared is Jared and is mistaking him with Tristan and that scares him and it hurts and he’s about to push him off. He stops when he feels and hears Jensen moan, breathing the sound right into him.  
  
“Jay,” Jensen says, lapping hungrily at the drops of blood blooming from the bite on Jared’s lip and Jared doesn’t have the right sense of mind to tell Jensen not to. “Jared,” Jensen moans, right into his mouth and that sends waves of pleasure right through him and he bucks up into the hard ridge of Jensen’s cock in his jeans against his. “Wanna…” Jensen manages, his voice choked, as he pulls away from the kiss and turns his head down to latch onto Jared’s pulse point once more.  
  
Jared lets out a shaky exhale, tilting his head back and arching his back slightly. It feels so good, so fucking good. He sobs out a moan of pleasure, begging Jensen incoherently for everything the other man wants to give him. Jensen rocks his hips down once more, the friction jolting straight up through Jared’s spine and he feels like he could come right in his pants like a teenager from the delicious feeling of Jensen grinding down on his erection.  
  
When Jensen pulls away, Jared lets out a pitiful whine of disappointment and the shorter man gives Jared a smile darkened with sinful promises. “Shirt off,” Jensen commands, tugging on the hem of Jared’s button down. “Before I rip it off.”  
  
And although that line is cheesy and corny and every other bad thing in the book, Jared can’t help the thrill that shoots through him and he lies back, hands still at his sides.  
  
Jensen looks surprised for a minute before grinning dirtily. He runs his hands over Jared’s chest through the material before unceremoniously ripping the shirt open. The buttons go flying and Jared’s cock gets even more painfully hard at that sight and he files it away in his head for safe keeping.  
  
Jensen lowers his head and licks over Jared’s chest, tonguing at his nipples. He rolls one and then the other between his teeth, sucking them into hard little peaks. Jared can’t focus on anything else. His entire world has sharpened into one Jensen shaped point.  
  
He moves down Jared's chest to his stomach, leaving goose bumps in his wake. Jared arches up into his touch, moaning brokenly as tendrils of arousal flick up his skin. He knows his eyes will be totally glazed over with amber, he is so turned on by the priest currently going down on him. Jensen pops the button of Jared’s jeans and unzips them before pushing both the pants and Jared’s underwear down to his thighs.  
  
 "Jen," he breathes, eyes rolling back slightly when Jensen licks up the throbbing center vein of his dick. When Jensen's hot, velvet mouth slips over the head of his cock, Jared’s about ready to come right them. As it is, his hips jerk wildly, smearing precome along Jensen's tongue and the inside of his cheek. Jensen looks up at him with sin and lust and  _is that love_? in his eyes, and locks his gaze on Jared’s.  
  
Jared’s breath shocks out of him at the darkened jade of Jensen’s eyes. The priest before him gives a long blink, casting his gaze towards Jared’s cock, and sucking firmly.  
  
“Jesus,” Jared grits out, hips rolling into Jensen’s mouth. “Jensen.”  
  
Jensen smiles around his cock before pulling off, much to Jared’s dismay. However, Jensen moves down lower and rips Jared’s pants and boxers down his legs. Jared winces at the burn of the friction against his skin. Jensen returns to him then, licking up the underside of Jared’s cock before taking his licks downward and flicking his tongue over the sensitive skin of Jared’s perineum before parting his thighs fully and flatting his tongue against the puckered pink of Jared’s hole.  
  
A full blown shock of pleasure and arousal shoots through Jared as his hips jolt upwards. Jensen growls and presses his hands to Jared’s hips, pressing him down into the mattress to keep him still as he circles his tongue around the quivering rim.  
  
Jared can’t remember ever feeling like this when he was bottoming. Yeah, it felt good because hey, good sex is good sex, but he was never so emotionally invested in the person he was sleeping with. Everything Jensen does to him sends tendrils of raw ecstasy through his veins and he feels like this is quickly becoming too much and too little at the same time.  
  
He pushes his hips down onto Jensen’s face, gasping. The man beneath him sucks on the rim, licking inside briefly. His eyes close as he works, kissing and sucking at Jared’s hole, making Jared quiver and slowly come undone. He licks back up to Jared’s cock, gathering the precome pooling in the slit on his tongue. The sensations peel away at Jared’s nerve endings, setting his body on edge. Suddenly Jensen’s tongue is back, nudging at his hole, pushing the gathered precome inside, slicking it up.  
  
He presses his tongue firmly against the rim of Jared’s asshole, licking him open with brutal thrusts of his tongue. Jared can feel himself getting sloppy, dripping with Jensen’s saliva and his own precome and he needs to have Jensen inside him  _now_  or he’s going to go fucking insane.  
  
“Jensen,” Jared pleads, hips corkscrewing down onto Jensen’s face. “Need… God, I need…”  
  
The priest grins at him before pulling away completely. It’s pure torture as Jared lies there and watches Jensen slowly take his clothes off. He lets out a stuttered moan when he realizes Jensen has been going commando this whole time. Jared could have had such easy access this whole time! He lets out a sob of frustration and pent up pleasure and Jensen just chuckles softly at him. Jensen drapes his body over Jared’s and moves up Jared’s body slowly, sweet slick, slippery slide of dick on dick bringing Jared even closer to the edge. “Whatcha need, Jay?” Jensen growls into Jared’s ear, biting at the lobe and flicking it with his tongue.  
  
“God,” Jared moans, hooking his legs around Jensen’s waist and pulling him close. The movement causes Jensen’s sac to graze against Jared’s wet hole and he keens, arching his back. “ _Get in there,”_ he hisses, pressing his heels into the dimples at the base of Jensen’s spine. He doesn’t even care that Jensen hasn’t gotten a chance to stretch him properly, he just wants Jensen deep inside, and now.  
  
And Jensen laughs, the sound rough and melodical and washing straight into Jared’s senses. They kiss, slow and dirty and with tongues joining in a special dance made for them alone. “Gonna get in there,” Jensen says through a chuckle into Jared’s mouth. He slicks himself up with the stickiness of Jared’s precome by jerking both of them off in his hand before pulling back slightly.  
  
Suddenly, Jared can feel the blunt pressure of the head of Jensen’s slicked dick pressing at his hole. His back arches in anticipation and his breathing hitches slightly. “Jen,” he whines, word cut short by a moan as Jensen rocks against him but not into where it really counts.  
  
Jensen grunts, holding Jared’s hips firmly before bottoming out in one swift thrust. A long, low moan rips itself from Jared’s throat as all the breath in him is punched right out. He can feel Jensen; can feel him throb deep within him, can feel his balls snug against his ass, can feel his dick just  _barely_ grazing that bundle of nerves that’ll make him see stars, can feel the burn of his body opening to take Jensen in.  
  
“Move,” Jared mutters in an embarrassing whine and Jensen obliges him with a dirty smirk.  
  
Jensen wastes no time; he lifts Jared’s legs onto his shoulders, leaning forward and kissing him roughly as he fucks the demon in half.  
  
Jared cries out loudly, the sound muffled by Jensen’s mouth. He drags his hands up to tangle in Jensen’s short hair, sealing their mouths together  in a kiss that is more teeth and tongue than lips.  
  
The thrusts are brutal but slow, as if Jensen is calculating each one before he executes it, angling his hips to hit every sweet spot inside Jared except for the one he needs. He writhes beneath the priest, trying to shift enough to guide Jensen’s movements himself, but the man above him just chuckles darkly, causing a burst of precome through the tip of his dick, and pins Jared to the bed with his heels.  
  
When he finally angles his hips to where Jared needs them, it’s like euphoria courses through his veins and ecstasy through his nerve endings. Jensen pounds right into Jared’s prostate and grinds the head of his dick into that bundle of nerves. He pulls away from the kiss and latches onto Jared’s neck, sucking another mark into his skin as he claims him from the inside.  
  
Jared was walking on the edge from before Jensen finally slid inside him and he knows he’s not going to last. “Jensen,” he whimpers, body shuddering underneath him.  
  
He’s almost surprised that Jensen hasn’t really said anything; the only noises he’s made  are moans and grunts. But he realizes that this is Tristan’s body, and the same euphoria he’s feeling, Jensen is probably feeling, having wanted this for years. It feels as if he’s been waiting his whole life for this and he knows, even if he doesn’t want to admit it, that this is more than just sex.  
  
Jensen starts circling his hips on every inward and outward thrust and Jared loses it. With a harsh cry of Jensen’s name, he comes, shooting so hard it nearly reaches his chin. He can feel himself clamp down on Jensen’s dick, can feel Jensen’s thrusts get sporadic and rough as he drives himself to orgasm. He can feel Jensen throb, really  _throb_  deep inside him and he moans even louder when he feels Jensen come within him.  
  
Jensen rides out his orgasm weakly, his own come inside Jared slicking the way.  
  
When he comes down from his high, he looks down at Jared and it takes Jared’s breath away.  
  
Jensen’s face is slack with bliss and euphoria but there’s an intensity in his eyes that scares and thrills him all at the same time. They share a sweet kiss that’s strangely chaste, considering what they’ve just done. Jensen pulls out slowly, inch by inch, and the loss that follows leaves Jared feeling exceptionally empty.  
  
That is, until Jensen flops over on the other side of Jared, chest heaving and skin flushed with the exertion.  
  
“Wow,” Jensen says, and Jared agrees.  
  
Jared tucks himself into Jensen’s side, curling up to him as Jensen wraps his arms around his shivering body. “Goodnight,” Jared whispers, pressing a kiss to Jensen’s cheek.  
  
“Goodnight,” Jensen replies and Jared can both feel and hear the other man’s smile.  
  
He hears Jensen’s breathing slow down from its erratic pace to a more normal one. The rhythmic rise and fall of Jensen’s chest lulls him to a sense of warmth and security. He doesn’t sleep, but he feels like he’d be more than content to spend every night for the rest of his life just relaxing in Jensen’s arms. He’s never felt more protected or safe, and the fact that he’s found this with a human doesn’t faze him anymore.  
  
He presses a lingering kiss to Jensen’s collar bone and Jensen turns his head and presses his nose to Jared’s hair.


	5. Huic ergo parce, Deus

**~Part Four~**

**  
**

**Jensen**

  
_This is wrong,_ Jensen thinks the minute he wakes up. He refuses to look at Jared; knows Jared is staring at him, knows Jared watches him while he sleeps.  _This is so wrong. So wrong._ He keeps his eyes closed and squeezes his eyelids, keeping them scrunched until a slight throbbing starts in his temples.  _I’m sleeping with a male demon._ Nausea starts to roll in his stomach, not for the first time, when it really hits him that he’s  _fucking a male demon_. He doesn’t know what he feels guiltier about: the actual act or the fact that he doesn’t really want to stop.  
  
He knows that, according to Misha, he’s not going to Hell, but he can’t help but feel that he’s doing something heinously wrong.  
  
He takes a deep breath, thankful that this time he doesn’t have to deal with an aching throb in his ass. He slowly opens his eyes, still not looking in Jared’s direction, opting to busy himself with examining the ceiling of the hotel Jared had taken them to last night, after their fancy dinner. He doesn’t remember actually booking the room; he was too intoxicated by Jared: his presence, his touch, his fucking  _smell_ , to notice anything but Jared.  _This is wrong_ , he thinks again. But even while he’s thinking it, he’s turning to Jared, not sure whether he’ll meet hazel irises or black eyes.  
  
He lets out a sigh of relief when Jared’s multi-hued gaze twinkles slightly azure at him all the while glazed amber. “Mornin’ sunshine,” Jared greets with that infuriatingly endearing smirk. “Thought you were gonna sleep all day.” Jensen can  _feel_ Jared leaning in for a kiss before he sees it actually happening. Time seems to slow down and in some distant part of his brain he’s fascinated because he thought that only happened in movies.  
  
Even as his eyes close, and Jared’s lips near his and their breath mingles sweetly, his mind yells at him to just spit out the memorized Latin words and send Jared back down to Hell. It’s not too late to repent and be forgiven, it’s not too late to right this heinous wrong, it’s not too – Jared’s hand cups the back of Jensen’s neck and pulls him into the kiss and Jensen’s brain gives way to his heart because this is  _Tristan_. A demon-possessed Tristan, but for some sick reason this Tristan is even hotter than the lanky, weedy thirteen year old he’d fooled around with when he was in high school.  
  
“Quit thinkin’ so hard, _Father Ackles,_ ” Jared mumbles hotly against his lips and something snaps inside him and he’s pulling Jared impossibly close and kissing him desperately: teeth nipping at swollen lips, tongues licking hungrily. A rumbling growl escapes Jensen’s throat as he shoves Jared down into the mattress, capturing his hands. He knows Jared could fling him off with a flick of his wrist; the fact that he’s  _letting_  Jensen control him turns Jensen on more than it probably should.  
  
Jensen moans roughly, grinding the morning wood he hadn’t realized he had into Jared’s rapidly hardening cock. Jared’s eyes flutter closed and he huffs out this breathy little moan that makes Jensen’s dick twitch in anticipation. _I could get used to this,_ he thinks as he presses a surprisingly gentle kiss to each of Jared’s eyelids. Jensen rolls his hips down, groaning softly. It still feels so good, so fucking good, having Jared’s body like this, especially now that’s he’s all man and rippling muscle. Jared blinks his eyes open to lock that yellow-glazed hazel gaze on him and it sends a thrill straight through his spine. The irony is not lost on Jensen that when that demonic yellow tint glosses over Jared’s eyes he gets  _that_ much harder.  
  
He captures the sinful lips of the demon beneath him in a bruising kiss as he slips a hand down to Jared’s hole, relishing in the choked off whimper Jared makes directly into his mouth. Jensen smirks when he finds Jared still loose and wet from last night. “Wanna fuck you, Jay,” Jensen whispers against Jared’s lips, plunging three fingers deep into Jared and grinning at the loud cry he lets out. “Wanna fuck you so  _fucking_  bad.” He groans softly, leaning down to bit at Jared’s neck, marking him; pushes the tips of his fingers into that bundle of nerves that makes Jared buck up against him.  
  
Jensen kisses up from Jared’s neck, along that strong jaw and up to his lips; licks across the seam before sucking his lower lip into his mouth eagerly. Jared whines into his mouth, hips making little seeking thrusts underneath Jensen, silently begging and Jensen’ll be damned if he doesn’t give Jared exactly what he wants.  
  
Jensen pulls his hips back; doesn’t need to look to see what he’s doing. He keeps his eyes trained on Jared’s as he bottoms out in one smooth thrust. Jared’s back arches as he lets out a keening cry of Jensen’s name just as Jensen throws his head back and lets out a low, drawn out moan. He’ll never get tired of this; of Jared’s body opening up for him, sucking him into that tight, wet heat. Jensen grips Jared’s hips with bruising force as he pulls back and thrusts back in with learned accuracy. He finds Jared’s prostate almost instantly, causing the man beneath him to moan and arch his back, pressing his chest to Jensen’s.  
  
Why isn’t Jensen feeling guilty about actually fucking Jared? He can’t find it in him to feel any sort of remorse when Jared’s body sucks him in, clenching around him and wrenching all sanity out straight through his dick. He leans forward, sucking Jared’s tongue into his mouth, swallowing Jared’s cry of pleasure.  
  
“Fuck, Jared,” Jensen moans into the sloppy kiss. “ _Shit_ , feel so good around my cock, baby.” He lifts Jared’s hips slightly, changing the angle and grinning when he hears Jared’s choked moan. “Missed you so much,” Jensen admits, slowing his thrusts down to a rough grind, massaging Jared’s prostate with the head of his cock, which reduces Jared to a whimpering wreck. “Last coupl’a weeks before last night were torture..”  
  
“Missed you,” Jared replies in a rough voice. “Fuck,  _Jen_.” He rocks his hips up as best he can, making Jensen fuck into him deeper, impossibly deep and Jared lets out a gasped whimper of overwhelming pleasure.  
  
Jensen groans, heart clenching with  _no, this can’t be love, no,_  and pulls Jared up into his lap, fucking up into him brutally with the change of position, hips slamming into Jared’s roughly. Jared throws his head back, a long moan of Jensen’s name slipping from his lips and Jensen can’t remember a more beautiful sight. Not even Danneel could compare to the feeling of this gorgeous man clenching hot and wet around his cock, messy hair tossed back and forehead furrowing as pleasure shoots through him.  
  
“I know, Jay,” Jensen says in a wrecked voice, gripping Jared’s hips even harder as he speeds up his thrusts. The ecstasy is almost too much, too overwhelming and he’s close. He should probably be embarrassed that sex with Jared never lasts as long as sex with anyone else, but that ass feels  _so fucking good_  that he can’t hold it back much longer. “I know,” he says again. He removes one hand from Jared’s hips to tangle in his hair, pulling him down for a rough kiss. He bites at Jared’s lower lip, tugs it, relishes in the whispered moan that Jared makes.  
  
“Close,” Jared whimpers, ass tightening around Jensen’s cock like a vice. “Fuck, Jen, so close… C’mon Jenny,” he groans, circling his hips to meet Jensen’s thrusts and  _fuck_ he shouldn’t be able to do that. “Make me come,” he begs into Jensen’s mouth, his voice wrecked to hell and full of need. “I need you… C’mon, Jen, fuck, baby, c’mon.”  
  
“I got you,” Jensen grunts. He pulls his hand back down to grip Jared’s hips, thrusting into him harder, faster. “I got you, Jay, feel so good, feel so fuckin’ good.” He kisses Jared brutally once more, slamming straight into his spot and  _that’s it_. Jared breaks the kiss to let out a stream of curses mingled with Jensen’s name as he comes.  
  
The warmth of Jared’s come shooting onto his belly and the way his ass tightens and the muscles flutter and ripple so scorching hot around him, drags his orgasm right out of him and Jensen’s coming with a rough shout, shooting deep, so deep, inside Jared’s body. He rides out his orgasm with slow rolls of his hips as Jared’s body clenches even tighter around him, milking Jensen’s cock dry.  
  
Jared rests his forehead on Jensen’s shoulder, whimpering a little when Jensen shifts his hips and his softening cock slips right out of him. “Fuck,” he moans. And Jensen has to agree. He has this overwhelming urge to  _see_ what Jared’s hole looks like right now. He’s never gotten to before and he feels like he needs to or his life would have been worth nothing. A bit of an exaggeration, Jensen knows. Bottom line is: he needs to see.  
  
He gently shifts again, laying Jared down onto the bed. Jared’s eyes are almost glowing but they’re not yellow; they’re on the greener side of hazel right now and he just looks gorgeous. All blissful euphoria, fucked out, sated and it’s because of Jensen. He kisses Jared’s lips, knowing that they’re overly sensitive right now and he smiles at Jared’s little breathy moan. He’s so cute right now, even after mind-blowing sex.  
  
No words are said as Jensen starts kissing down Jared’s body, mouthing at hotspots he’s remembers from when he was seventeen. Jared doesn’t disappoint: he writhes and squirms beneath Jensen, dick giving a feeble twitch of interest. He kisses and sucks a mark into Jared’s side, right below his ribcage, just because he knows it drives him crazy. “So fucking gorgeous,” he murmurs, licking over the hard ridge of skin over bone. “Became such a gorgeous man.” He kisses the crease where Jared’s thigh meets his pelvis and slowly parts his thighs, heart pounding in anticipation of the sight.  
  
When Jared’s hole is totally exposed Jensen lets out a stuttered moan. The demon’s body is loose, fucked open, red and slightly swollen. Jared’s asshole quivers with aftershocks of his orgasm, muscle fluttering so beautifully and Jensen presses a kiss to Jared’s inner thigh. It’s filthy with the mix of come, saliva and lube and Jensen can’t resist the voice in his head that encourages him to take a taste. So he does it.  
  
He licks along Jared’s thigh before kissing up to his asshole, sucking at the red rim. Above him, Jared yelps, hips jerking as he tries to get away from the overstimulation. Jensen grabs his hips, fingers slotting into the previous bruises as he covers Jared’s hole with his mouth, sucking hard, hollowing his cheeks. His eyes close, smiling slightly at the sounds Jared’s making: whimpers, needy breathy moans that would make Jensen hard again if he _could_  get it up again.  
  
He stiffens his tongue, thrusting it into Jared and licking around the rim slowly. “Love how you taste,” Jensen moaned. “All messy, leakin’ my come…  _fuck_ Jared…” Jensen nuzzles Jared’s balls with his nose before kissing back down and swirling his tongue in the mess inside Jared. He hums as he licks around the rim of Jared’s asshole, sucking at the swollen skin, sucking the odd but not unpleasant tasting mixture of himself, lube and Jared’s taste into his mouth and swallowing it down.  
  
Jared’s still making these needy little moans and suddenly his hole is quivering and clenching around Jensen’s tongue and Jared’s body tenses up and Jensen has the dirtiest smirk on his face when he realizes that, “Dude, I just  _totally_  made you come again.”  
  
Jared’s body is shaking with aftershocks and overstimulation but he manages a little laugh. He didn’t shoot, his cock too spent for that, but he  _did_  experience another orgasm and for some twisted reason Jensen loves him all the more for it. Not that he’d ever admit it. Jensen kisses back up Jared’s body and kisses his mouth deeply, tongue licking in hungrily and Jared laughs a bit harder citing that “Christ, Jen, you taste like ass.” But Jensen notes that Jared doesn’t push him away. He just pulls him a little closer, kisses him a little harder and Jensen falls a little faster.  
  
Not that he’d ever admit it.  
  
 **::**  
  
They stroll down to the lobby, hand in hand, for the continental breakfast.  
  
“Oh god,” Jensen moans quietly. “ _Bacon_.” He lets Jared’s hand go in favour of heading over to the metal contraption, he’s never known what to call them, that holds his beloved bacon. He sniffs the air around it appreciatively before grabbing a plate. He piles it high with fluffy yellow eggs, pancakes, bacon and a couple biscuits. Just when he thinks he probably grabbed too much food, he looks over at Jared and sees him struggling with his second plate.  
  
He grins to himself, thinking that the humanity Jared’s gained makes him more attractive than he was when they first met in the club.  
  
They find a table and take their seats. “This was a good idea, Jared,” Jensen says, taking a bite of his bacon. “And the continental breakfast is amazing, but did you really have to fill  _two_ plates of food?”  
  
“Hey,” Jared says, looking slightly offended and it makes Jensen chuckle just a little bit. “I’m a growing boy, Jensen.”  
  
“Yeah, sure you are,” Jensen replies with a leer and Jared snorts, nearly choking on a bite of pancake.  
  
“Oh jeez,” Jensen exclaims, going over to thump him on the back.  
  
That does the trick but it also pisses Jared off. “Ow!” he yells, flicking Jensen on the forehead when he takes his seat again. “You asshole!”  
  
“Pardon me for saving you from choking, you idiot!”  
  
 **::**  
  
When they leave, the young girl at the counter gives them a knowing smirk and he sees Jared look back at her and wink, placing a finger to his lips in the universal ‘shh’ sign.  
  
“What happened back there?” Jensen asks as they near his car.  
  
“Oh, she was just… really helpful last night,” Jared replies with a grin.  
  
Jensen looks at Jared, raising a brow and the other man laughs, tossing his head back, hair flipping in the slight breeze. “Gettin’ jealous again?” Jared teases as Jensen unlocks the car and slides into the driver’s seat. “First Summer then some no name clerk? C’mon Jenny, you know you’re the only girl for me,” he continues as he slides into his own respective seat.  
  
Jensen freezes. He’d said those same words to Tristan a week before he left. His heart starts racing and his hands begin to shake and he’s confronted with the same guilt he’s been living with for years. “Trish, I’m so sorry…” he mutters as he tightens his hands around the steering wheel.  
  
“Hey,” Jared says softly, laying a hand over Jensen’s and his heart begins to slow down from its rapid beating and he feels calmness wash over him. “Hey, I know you are. He knows you are. He’s forgiven you, Jen. I’ve forgiven you too.”  
  
Jensen takes a deep breath and looks over to Jared with a small smile. “I… thanks, Jay.”  
  
He smiles back, rubbing his thumb over the skin between Jensen’s thumb and index finger. “Anytime, Jen.”  
  
As Jensen drives out of the parking lot, he’s left feeling like he and Jared shared something special and maybe just a little bit sacred last night. He looks over and sees Jared, head tossed back and singing loudly and off key to some obscure pop song, and he realizes that he’s happy.  
  
For the first time since Danneel’s death, he’s happy.

**Jared**

  
They share a sweet kiss inside Jensen’s car when Jensen drops him off at his home.  
  
“I really enjoyed last night,” Jared says softly as he pulls away from the kiss, hating himself for blushing bright red.  
  
“So did I,” Jensen replies, grinning brightly. He reaches to stroke his index finger over the red dusted apples of Jared’s cheeks. He slips his hand down, holding Jared’s chin in his index and thumb. Jensen leans forward and Jared responds in kind, their lips meeting in a soft, almost delicate kiss.  
  
When they pull away, Jared gives Jensen a soft private smile. “I’ll see you later?”  
  
Jensen nods and grins, letting Jared’s chin go and poking his dimple lightly. “Yeah, of course.”  
  
Jared stumbles out of the car, feeling giddily happy and exuberant beyond measure. It takes all the self control he possesses, admittedly it’s not very much, to refrain from skipping up to his front door. When he gets there, he unlocks it and pulls it open. He looks back, smiling and waving at Jensen as the other man does a sharp little salute and winks at him and Jared’s not going to admit that his heartbeat sped up just a little bit.  
  
His heart calms, just marginally, when Jensen finally drives away.  
  
“Jesus, Tristan,” he mutters to himself, still feeling that pleasant ache from Jensen being inside him. “What the fuck have you gotten me into?”  
  
His phone rings almost instantly when he steps into the threshold of his house. “Go for Jared,” he says once he’s answered, closing the door behind him.  
  
“Jared!” he hears Chad say frantically on the other line. “We got found out, man. I just barely sidestepped a devil’s trap painted in my living room, and killed like three hunters. I heard them mention you!”  
  
“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Jared mutters. He rubs the bridge of his nose and stands still, not wanting to make a misstep. “How the fuck could we have gotten found out? Who found us? Who found our homes?”  
  
“Maybe your priest boyfriend told ‘em,” Chad spits, sounding out of breath. He hears the snap of fingers and knows that another hunter has lost his life. However, all that really registers in his brain is that Chad is assuming that Jensen has something to do with this.  
  
“You’re wrong,” Jared says in a soft voice. “He was with me all last night, he slept through the night too. He wouldn’t have orchestrated it.” He shakes his head; Jensen couldn’t be behind this, not after all they’ve shared.  
  
“Well, apparently those hunters are good friends with Father Ackles,” Chad sneers into the phone. “And they’re comin’ for you, Jay! You’re next so get the fuck off the phone with me and protect yourself.”  
  
“Jensen didn’t do this…” Jared murmurs, not paying attention to Chad anymore.  
  
“Jared!” his friend yells at him. “Stop fucking thinking about Jensen and save your own fucking life! He’s wanted to send you back to Hell from day one anyway! The only thing keeping you around is the fact that you’re in Tristan’s meat suit. You think he’d let you stay if you were possessin’ anyone else? Fuck. He sent the demon possessing his  _wife_ back to Hell. You think you’re special, Jared? You’re not fucking special! You just happened to inhabit the guy he loves most. Get that into your thick fucking skull. He doesn’t love you, he’ll never love you. He’s probably just using this as a way to send you back to Hell. Wasn’t that how it started? Him trying to seduce you to get you to go to that old house where he normally exorcises things like us? Get your head outta your ass Jay!”  
  
“Jensen didn’t do this!” Jared shouts, starting to pace in his anger. “He wouldn’t do this! We have something special, you dick. I’m finally fucking happy and I’m happy with Jensen. Why can’t you just be glad for me, Chad? We’re supposed to be best friends!”  
  
“Stop it!” Chad yells. “Get the fuck off the phone with me! Don’t you fucking argue with me you asshole, I’m trying to protect you!”  
  
“I don’t fucking need protecting! I need –” Jared freezes, tries to move and realizes his mistake.  “Oh fuck,” he mutters into the phone.  
  
“What? Jared? Don’t you fucking tell me you stepped into it. Jesus Christ, I fucking warned you Jared! You stupid lovesick fool! I can’t believe –”  
  
Searing pain, that’s the next thing Jared feels. Waves of acid burn into his skin, eating away at his flesh. He cries out in agony, the pain cutting him to his knees. Chad’s tirade is cut short by a blinding flash and sharp throb and his world goes black.  
  
 **::**  
  
When he comes to, he’s in the basement of a house. It’s not the house that he found himself in when he met Jensen at the club. The basement is well furbished, a proper panic room. He’s seen a lot of panic rooms in his time and this was a great one. The walls are decorated with angel and demon proofing symbols. He looks up and, sure enough, there’s a devil’s trap to keep him from getting out.  
  
In front of him, there’s a metal table laden with torture tools.  
  
“Well,” a gruff voice says, and he looks up. Coming down the stairs is a man with long brown hair pulled into a pony tail and sharp blue eyes. “You’re up.”  
  
Jared pulls at the restraint on his hands and snarls at the other man. Then he realizes that he’s not like that anymore, he’s not interested in the ways of a demon. Maybe he can get out of this without harming himself or Tristan.  
  
“Look,” he says, breathless, trying to placate the man. “It’s not what it looks like. I know what I am, but I’m not  _like_ that anymore.”  
  
The man has reached him and is standing right in front of him now. “Bullshit,” he growls, backhanding Jared so hard his other cheek slaps his shoulder.  
  
Jared grunts as sharp pain blooms across the flesh of his left cheek.  
  
“You expect me to believe anything a filthy thing like you tells me?” the man says, softer this time, deceptively sweet. “You’re nothin’ but scum. And I’m sendin’ you back where you belong. But I think I’m gonna have some fun with you first.”  
  
He walks back to the metal table. “What’s your name?” Jared gasps out.  
  
“Christian. Father Kane,” the man replies.  
  
Christian. Christian! He knows Jensen! “Do you know Father Ackles?” Jared blurts out desperately. There’s hope, he can get out of this. He doesn’t have to go back to Hell.  
  
“Yeah,” the man says, running his hands along his tools before selecting a knife. It glints in the bright light of the basement and Jared can see some inscribing on it and his heart freezes with fear. “What’s a demon like you doin’ knowin’ my friend?”  
  
Jared’s torn. He could tell this man everything that’s happened with him and Jensen or he could take it on himself. But he’s certain Jensen won’t deny him, not in the face of this danger.  “We… I’m inhabiting an old friend of his,” Jared says finally, not really telling the truth, not really telling a lie; a demon’s specialty. “Please call him, he’ll explain everything.”  
  
“I’m pretty sure he can do without you, couldn’t have been that important if I’ve never heard of your meat suit before.”  
  
“Of course he wouldn’t tell you!” Jared snaps, forgetting his resolve and letting it all spill. “You’re a homophobic asshole, why would he tell you he had a fling with a guy when he was seventeen? That guy is me, well, Tristan. But now he’s me.”  
  
That earns him another backhanded slap and a grabbing of his collar. “You listen to me,” Christian growls right into his face. “Don’t you dare make up such heinous lies about my best friend. He’d never have anything to do with something like you, nor would he ever make such an abomination of a mistake.”  
  
“Call him,” Jared sneers right into his face. “Call him and he’ll tell you. We kissed, we had sex. We made  _love_. I blew him in the goddamn confessional. We have something special, he’ll tell you.”  
  
“Shut up!” Christian bellows. He grabs his knife and stabs it into the meat of Jared’s thigh.  
  
Excruciating pain shoots up every nerve of his body, making him cry out roughly, head tossing back. He clenches his fists, itching to give Christian what he deserves, but he’s going to wait. He’s going to let Jensen tell this oaf the truth and then let Christian wallow in his own stupidity.  
  
Christian fishes into his pocket and pulls out his phone. He keeps a glare fixed on Jared the whole time as he punches in Jensen’s number. Jared heaves in shaky breaths, watching him warily.

**Jensen**

  
“Checkmate,” Misha says triumphantly, thrusting his fist into the air. While Jensen is annoyed at losing for the fourth time in a row, he can’t help but smile as his angel does a little victory dance around the table. He’s wearing a shirt that reads ‘GOD HATES FAGS except for Jensen, He fucking loves that guy!’ and Jensen can’t help feeling that maybe an angel shouldn’t be wearing that shirt, but he can’t bring himself to care as he feels it just may be true.  
  
However, he drew the line when Misha showed up with a t-shirt that said ‘I’M NOT GAY. But my asshole is’ for him. It took him at least an hour to dissuade him from making Jensen actually wear the stupid thing.  
  
“Wish I could say I’m sorry for completely and utterly  _whoopin’_  your ass, Jen,” Misha says in a fake condescending voice as he huffs a breath onto his nails and buffs them on the stupid shirt. “But I’m not!” He dances around the table again, this time grabbing Jensen’s hands and dragging him out of his chair.  
  
“Misha!” Jensen says, but he’s laughing breathlessly, shaking his hips to the off-beat beat Misha’s singing along to.  
  
“You gonna tell me about your date?” Misha asks. Jensen had refused to tell Misha about his date with Jared the night before. The game of chess was supposed to distract the angel enough so Jensen could be sure he’d forget about asking. He was wrong.  
  
“Fine! Fine, just let me stop dancing!”  
  
Misha grins and stops, just as Jensen asks. “Now,” Misha begins, voice gone to an annoying falsetto and breaking his wrists as he flails his hands. “Gimme all the deets!”  
  
“ _Deets?_ ”  
  
“Details!”  
  
Jensen gives an almighty put-upon sigh but he’s grinning like a loon as he sits with Misha on the couch.  
  
“Well,” he begins. “We went to this really fancy restaurant.” He refrains from giggling, just barely, as he remembers it. “First we kissed, and oh man. It was the greatest kiss I’ve ever had, Mish.” The angel looks truly interested, leaning in towards Jensen and resting his chin on his fists. “So, we go to the restaurant, and our waitress is this really cute girl. Fuckin’ adorable, like the daughter I’ve always wanted, only well, she was older, about twenty, but you get my drift. So dinner was amazing, dessert was amazing. Then Jared decides that he wants to go to a hotel, he’s not ready to go home yet. So we do that, and it was a great night.” He blushes a little, remembering the feeling of Jared beneath him, wanting him, writhing for him. “Then we had an amazing morning, the hotel had a great continental breakfast.”  
  
“Sounds like fun,” Misha says with a dreamy sigh. Then he suddenly turns serious. He rests a palm on Jensen’s knee. “I’m glad you’ve finally come to terms with it,” he states softly.  
  
Jensen bites his lip and nods slowly. He’s glad he’s come to terms with it too. He’s on the way to letting himself fully believe that he’s safe. He loves his Lord, but he loves Jared too. And he’s also finally letting himself admit it. He smiles at Misha timidly and shrugs, rubbing the back his neck nervously. “So’m I,” he mutters, playfully punching his fist to Misha’s jaw, just enough to make him move backwards slightly.  
  
“So,” Misha says, suddenly back to his original cheery disposition. “Is he as good a lay as he looks?”  
  
“Misha!” Jensen exclaims, hiding his face in his hands. “Okay, I really need to teach you about what is and isn’t appropriate to say about a person’s boyfriend.”  
  
Misha gasps, pressing his hands to his heart in an exaggerated show of joy. “ _Boyfriend?!_ ” he squeals, literally squeals; claps his hands together; reaches out to ruffle Jensen’s hair. “I’m so proud of you!”  
  
Jensen blushes and ducks his head to hide his grin. “I am too, man.”  
  
Just then, his phone rings. “I gotta take this,” he says. He feels the slightest pang of guilt when he realizes he hasn’t been defrocked yet: it could be a member of his flock calling for some Bible study. He blanches a little as he moves to the phone. He looks at Misha, the bastard grins brightly and gives him a thumbs up, before taking a deep breath and answering.  
  
“Hello?” he says, in his gruff yet kind ‘priest’ voice. “Father Ackles, speaking.”  
  
“Jensen.” He hears an answering gruff voice say. Christian.  
  
“H-hey, buddy,” Jensen stammers out.  
  
"I've got a demon here," Chris says, cutting to the chase. "Claims he knows you." Jensen can hear the sneer in Chris's voice. "Claims you're  _in love_." Jensen can also hear the disgust and his heart constricts painfully.  
  
"That's insane," Jensen chokes out, ignoring Misha's concerned looks. "You know demons lie."  
  
"That's what I'm saying! I think you need to get down here, Jen. I think you need to do the honors of sending this scum back where he belongs. I almost want to kill him after what he's said about you, I know I won't be forgiving or merciful. But you're so kind. You'll send him back down. I don't really want to kill him, there's a chance that his vessel is still in there, fightin'."  
  
 _No there isn't,_ Jensen thinks, and God, he's scared. He’s terrified. What the fuck is he going to do once he gets there? "I'm on my way," Jensen says in a small voice. He can hear Jared in the background, yelling, begging him to admit everything. He hangs up abruptly, chest heaving as fright curls its way around his heart. He doubles over, hands resting on his knees and gasping for air.  
  
It feels almost like a panic attack and suddenly Misha's right there, helping him up. "Dude!" Misha exclaims, patting his back and rubbing it soothingly. "You okay? What happened?"  
  
Jensen looks up at Misha, and then the angel knows.  
  
"Someone caught Jared?"  
  
"My best friend did," Jensen says and he can't really remember if what just happened is real or not. "I... I have to go down there. He wants me to exorcise him... I can't.... I can't do.... I can't...."  
  
Misha pulls away and looks at Jensen seriously. "You need to go down there, you need to admit everything. You need to let your friend know that Jared is in your life now and that you won't regret it.  You don't regret it. And kiss him, kiss him long and hard right in front of that priest and then untie him and leave and get out of town. Build a new life with Jared. That's what you need to do."  
  
"If only it were that easy."  
  
 **::**  
  
The drive to Christian's house feels longer than it actually is. He's scared, terrified, worried. The conflicting emotions make him nauseous and he pulls over to throw up the delicious continental breakfast he had earlier. His hands shake as he drives along the highway, not really paying attention, just letting his muscle memory take him down to Christian's house; he's been there enough times.  
  
Jared's down in Christian's basement. Probably being tortured even while Jensen's driving there. Jensen doesn't think that Jared can actually be exorcised anymore. He thinks the strain of trying to force Jared out will kill Tristan for good. And he'd probably kill himself if that happened.  
  
As he pulls into Christian's driveway, dread makes its way inside him and settles deep within his bones. He doesn't think he can face Jared right now. He doesn't really know what he'll say; do. He doesn't think he can bring himself to admit everything to Christian and he doesn't think he can just stand around while his friend tries to send Jared back to Hell. He contemplates reversing out and fleeing to another state, but if anything, he owes Jared this.  
  
When he gets out of the car, his steps are slow and measured. It's as if he's making his way to the gallows or the guillotine; this is the day he dies.  
  
There's a secret way to get to Christian's basement and Jensen takes that path automatically. His heart pounds erratically as he knocks on the door. The door is made in such a way that it makes slightly different tones depending on where you hit it. He taps it in a way that mirrors the way he crosses himself and Christian opens it mere seconds later.  
  
The other priest pulls Jensen into a quick manly hug. "Good to see you, man," he says, thumping Jensen on the back before pulling away and heading back inside.  
  
"You too," Jensen replies, voice small and feeble, not really meaning what he says. He closes his eyes and takes a few deep breaths before following his friend into the basement. It's fully lit and leaves nothing concealed; the minute he walks in, he sees him. Jared. Sitting tied up and bloody in a chair, but the hope in his eyes when he fixes his gaze on Jensen is almost enough to make him throw up again.  
  
"Here he is," Christian says, disgust and loathing clearly evident in his tone. "This... this.... I don't even have the words for this hateful creature, he claims all these heinous things about you. That you had a relationship with him. That you're  _gay_... I want to see the look on his face when you dispel those horrible rumors and put him in his place before you send him back to where he came from.”  
  
Jensen looks at Jared, heart breaking at the look on his face. He opens his mouth to speak but Jared beats him to it.  
  
"Tell him," he says softly, fixing that gaze on him. His eyes are hazel. How can Jensen send him to Hell when his eyes are hazel? "Tell him about everything. About Tristan. About me. About us."  
  
Jensen closes his eyes. He wants to. He really wants to. But he's afraid, paranoid, can't own up to his sins. He opens his eyes, fixing a cold glare on Jared and then he sees it. He sees Jared's heart break before his eyes. "He's lying," he chokes out. The words wrap around his throat, cutting off his air supply but he forces his way through it. "No way I've ever be involved with a man, much less a demon. I hate even touching the filthy things."  
  
Chris grins with grim triumph. "That's my boy! That's my Jenny!"  
  
"No." Jared says softly, eyes boring into Jensen's. "You can't mean that."  
  
"I do," Jensen says, teeth grinding on the hateful words. "I don't even know why you'd think that there could possibly be anything. Where the hell have you been getting these rumors? Why would I want to have anything with  _you_? I know demons lie but... this? This is just pathetic."  
  
Jared stares at him, hurt evident in his gaze. Then it changes to numbness and quickly it switches to anger. His eyes turn black in a fraction of a second and his mouth is twisted into a hateful sneer. Jensen wants to cry because that's directed at him.  
  
"You... You liar!" Jared yells and Chris quickly reaches for a bucket of holy water and douses Jared with it. Smoke wisps around his head, and Jared tosses his head back in a howl of agony. Jensen feels like howling himself. The effect of the holy water subsides a little and Jared's shouting again.  "I can't believe you, Jensen. You fucking sad excuse of a person!"  
  
Jensen pins his best sneer on Jared, not easy as his heart is hurting. Every throb of blood through his veins is like a stab in the back. He can feel his vertebrae popping around the proverbial knife, can feel his spine snap. “At least I  _am_  a person,” Jensen snarls. “And not some disgusting bottom feeder like you. You  _raped_  innocent boys; you think I’d want anything to do with you? Anything I would have ever done would have only been a trap. You don’t belong here. You pollute the earth just by being here.”  
  
“What the fuck, Jensen!” Jared shouts, eyes vacant yet full of rage. “You don’t mean that. Stop letting this religion control you! Follow your heart! You know we shared something special, Jen. Don’t deny it for this—” he jerks his chin in Chris’s direction, “— bigoted zealot.”  
  
“My heart belongs to my Lord,” Jensen says, voice flat and as cold as he can make it. “To His Son, to the Holy Ghost and to Mother Mary. You’re not even worthy of God’s wrath. You’re scum. Just like your father. He was a beautiful angel and gave it all up. And you’re just like him. Spawn of Satan, himself. I want nothing to do with you.”  
  
Another bucket of water is thrown on Jared, this time done by Jensen’s own hands. Even as he was picking it up while he spoke, his heart grew more and more heavy with despair. His soul feels like it’s being flayed alive, and there’s nothing he can do to stop it. He’s doing God’s work is he not?  
  
Jared howls in agonized pain once more and Jensen can  _feel_ his heart shattering.  
  
Jared takes these deep raspy breaths as he breathes through the pain. That’s when Chris closes his eyes and begins the exorcism rites. Jensen used to always admire Christian for having the full prayer memorized. Now, he’s feeling that this is not such a good thing anymore.  
  
Jared’s head is turned, cheek resting against his shoulder as he continues to breathe heavily through the pain of the holy water’s burn. Jensen wants nothing more than to go over there; apologize until he’s blue in the face and hold Jared in his arms. He wants to kiss him, to feel those soft, dry lips under his. He knows he’s given all that up now.  
  
He remembers what Jared told him in the church: that sending him back down could possibly send Tristan down as well. He feels nauseous again, but he doesn’t move to stop Chris. Only then does he realize that Christian’s words are having no effect on Jared. His heart stops. Maybe, now that Jared’s personality isn’t fully like a demon’s anymore, he can’t be exorcised. Maybe he’s so bonded with Tristan that he’s become  _human._  The thought sends a thrill through Jensen and then it fills him with terror. If he can’t be sent back to Hell, then Christian will find a way to kill him. And if Tristan dies as well, Christian will just bury him and not give a damn.  
  
He steps forward as if to stop his friend, but he hears a sound that stops him in his tracks. He looks over at Jared. The demon tosses his head back and laughs. A maniacal sort of laugh that chills Jensen's blood. Jared breathes heavily, a dark smile on his lips. He turns to where Chris is still reciting the rites. "Oops," he says in a sickly sweet voice. "Your words don’t seem to be working, asshole. It’s gonna take more than some sweet nothings to get a guy like me to put out.”  
  
Jared flexes his fists, nose scrunching up and eyes closing in concentration and Jensen knows what's about to happen. The ceiling where the devil's trap is painted splits in two.  
  
"What the hell?" Christian gasps, eyes flying open and taking a step back from Jared.  
  
Jared breaks his restraints, breaking the chair as well in his efforts. He stands, eyes inky black and shimmering with rage. He turns to Christian, mouth twisted into a snarl. "Y'know," he begins, voice low and menacing. His head turns slightly to the side and Christian's whole body seems to follow the movement, crashing into a wall. "I'm a pretty damn special demon. And your little artwork isn't going to affect me one bit. And also?" He stalks to Christian, picking him up by his collar and punching him right in the face: once, twice. "That knife? Really fucking hurt." He stands then, snaps his fingers and Christian explodes in blood, bone shards and brain tissue.  
  
The explosion is so strong and forceful that hot droplets of blood burn onto Jensen's face. He feels a sharp cut in his cheek from a piece of bone and he swears there are bits of Chris's brain in his hair. He's sick to his stomach, feels the nausea rolling again, knows he needs to run before he's Jared's next victim, but he can't find it in him to move.  
  
Jared turns to him, eyes still black as tar but he can tell from his expression that he's beyond hurt. The next thing Jensen knows, he's being thrown into a wall himself. He crashes into it with teeth-shattering force, he bites his tongue from the impact, tastes the flood of blood in his mouth.  
  
Jared stalks towards him, body language portraying how hurt and betrayed he feels. Bright white light explodes in his vision when Jared punches him. He hears a sickening crack, feels a gush of blood from his nose.  
  
"You... sick... son of a bitch," Jared grits out, fist snapping forward to punch him once more. "I can't believe I trusted you!" Another punch, more pain stunning its way through his face. "I should have known that if you'd betray Tristan, you'd betray me. I can't fucking believe I let you in! I thought that maybe, at least, you wouldn’t hurt Tristan, not for a  _second_ time. I was obviously wrong." One more punch, right in the eye. “I hate you Jensen Ackles,” Jared growls, another punch, to his cheek this time. “I fucking  _abhor_  you.”  And then it stops. Jared lets up, standing with his posture straight and head held high. His face turned away from Jensen as if he can’t stand to look at him.  
  
Jensen understands. Jensen can’t stand to  _be_  himself right now.  
  
"Go," Jared says, voice a deep snarling growl. "Before I kill you.  _Go._ " Jensen scrambles up, blind in one eye, feeling dizzy from the head trauma and loss of blood through his nose.  
  
"For what it's worth," Jensen begins as he makes for the door. His chest hurts, feels tight and his heartbeat is scarily irregular. He wonders if he’ll die from a heart attack on the way home. "I'm sorry."  
  
"Save it," Jared sneers.  
  
Jensen runs out of Christian's basement, tears mixing with the sticky blood on his face. Even as he gets in the car, he thinks, maybe he won't be going to Hell for being gay. He pulls out of the driveway haphazardly, swinging onto the road without much care. Maybe he won't go to Hell for being gay at all. He looks back at the house, vision clear in one eye, clearer than he'd like it to be as he looks back on all that he's lost. Maybe, just, maybe, he won't go to Hell for being gay. But he knows he's going to Hell for this.  
  
It feels like he’s breaking Tristan’s heart all over again. Only, this time, he doesn’t have the prospect of Heaven to look forward to.


	6. Pie lesu Domine

**~Part Five~**

**Jared**

  
It’s been a month since Jared last saw Jensen. He’s no where near over the breakup and it’s only the Tristan side of him that’s keeping him from going over and murdering the priest just like he did his friend. Of course, just because a month has passed, doesn’t mean Chad has stopped giving him shit for it.  
  
“I told you so.”  
  
“Shut. Up.”  
  
“No, you know what, no!” Chad hops up from where he’s been sitting on Jared’s couch and starts pacing. Jared isn’t in the mood to find it funny today. “I warned you. I warned you that this wasn’t going to end well, but you wouldn’t fucking listen to me! You’re a fucktard, you know that right? You should have killed Tristan when you had the chance, before you let him get to you.” He points an accusing finger at Jared. “Now where’s your priest boyfriend, huh? He’s off getting his church on and I’m left to deal with your emo princess ass.”  
  
“Shut up!” Jared yells, standing now, towering over Chad, his eyes blackened with anger. “Jesus, will you just shut up already! I hear you, I’ve heard you every day for the past month. Alright? Now will you stop being a pretentious asshole and start being my friend?”  
  
“No.” Chad grits out, his own eyes turning black and glowering at Jared. “You wanna know why? Because I warned you. I told you to fuck him and leave him and you refused to listen to me. So I’m not gonna hold your hand through this. I even told you, when you were first getting into this, that I wasn't going to give a fuck if he broke your heart and I meant it. Why should I care if you go losing your head over a fucking  _priest_ , Jared?"  
  
Chad takes a deep breath, as if that's all he can do to keep from pummeling Jared on the spot. "I don't give a flying fuck what happened between you and Jensen. Go buy yourself some ice cream and candy or somethin’, fatass,. Just call me when you don’t wanna slit your wrists anymore.”  
  
Jared really isn’t surprised by Chad, he’s known the demon long enough to know that this is what he should have expected all along. “Fuck you,” he says, eyes flicking back to hazel and pain radiating from them. “Get out.”  
  
“S’what I wanted to do anyway,” Chad mutters. He leaves Jared’s home with a slam of the door that seems to shake its very foundations.  
  
Chad’s wrong about one thing. Jared has already bought the comfort food.  
  
He shuffles his way to the kitchen. A sudden bout of grief crashes into him, making him stagger back with blinding pain flashing in his head and tears rush to his eyes. It’s been like this over the past month, and he still hasn’t been able to get used to it. Waves of emotional pain would roll into him, making him drop to the floor and curl in on himself while he sobs. He holds onto the doorframe, breathing his way through the onslaught.  
  
When it’s over, he straightens up and smoothes his hands through his hair. He hates Jensen, he really does. He can’t believe the man would deny  _them_ so easily. After everything… admittedly it wasn’t much, they’d only been together for a few weeks, at most. But Jared still thought it counted. Those weeks counted. Turns out he is wrong.  
  
He makes his way to the freezer and pulls out the ice cream. A short trip to the cupboards results in bags of gummy worms, gummy bears, Nutella and jelly beans and a big soup spoon for the ice cream.  
  
He goes back to the living room and turns on the TV. His channel surfing causes him to fall on old reruns of _Bewitched._  
  
 **::**  
  
As he watches, pigging out on Baileys ice cream from Haagen Dazs, he’s hit with a sudden bout of motion sickness and the colours around him blur dizzyingly.  
  
When the motion stops, he’s not in his living room anymore.  _Bewitched_ is still on the TV, but his junk food has disappeared and he’s nestled into Jensen’s side.  
  
“This has gotta be my favourite show, Trish,” Jensen’s saying, lips pressed into Jared’s temple. “But, y’know, it’s never as fun when I ain’t watchin’ it with you.”  
  
Tristan giggles, the sound feeling familiar and comforting on Jared’s lips. “You’re such a sap,” he says quietly, but Jared can feel how much his heart swells at Jensen’s words. He burrows further into Jensen’s side, wrapping his arms around the older boy’s waist.  
  
“But I’m your sap, right, Trish?” And Jared can feel Jensen’s smile on his skin and it’s the best feeling in the world. Jared feels Tristan nod, can feel the love he had for this older boy. He silently apologizes for screwing up Tristan’s second chance.  
  
“Yeah, Jen,” Tristan breathes, blushing a delicate fuchsia, turning to look Jensen in the face. He moves so that his legs lay over Jensen’s lap and cups the green-eyed boy’s face. “You are.” He leans in and Jensen does as well. Their lips meet in a timid kiss, Jensen’s tongue swiping out over Tristan’s lower lip. Jensen’s hand rests low on Tristan’s hip.  
  
The kiss isn’t sexual or even sensual. It’s just sweet pleasure shared by two boys who love each other but are too scared to say so.  
  
Jensen pulls away first, eyes shimmering with untold love and affection. “You’re gorgeous, Trish,” he breathes. His nimble fingers brush back Tristan’s too long, too floppy hair behind his ear. Jared can’t really believe that a guy so nice grew up to be such a heartbreaker, especially to Tristan  _again._  
  
Jensen leans in and kisses Tristan again. This time, it’s hungrier and Jared can feel Tristan’s cock stirring in his pants. “Wanna blow you, Trish,” Jensen growls out against soft lips. “Wanna see you, all of you, gettin’ all hard for me. Moanin’ my name, comin’ down my throat when I slip a finger inside your tight little ass.” He trails his lips down to suck on Tristan’s neck. The sensations Jared feels are akin to how he felt when he and Jensen were in bed together. Tristan moans, starts to tremble.  
  
Jared can feel Jensen’s smirk, slow and dirty, against his skin. “Yeah, that’s right, Trish.  _Lose it.”_  
  
 **::**  
  
Jared gasps as he’s brought back to reality. His ice cream is still in his hands and Jensen is no longer by his side. He runs his hands over his face as he gulps his breaths down. He felt every emotion Tristan was feeling just now, and it resonated deeply with his own.  
  
He doesn’t hate Jensen; he doesn’t think he ever could. He’s just sad, pissed, betrayed but deep down, if he really thinks about it, he can understand why Jensen did what he did.  
  
That doesn’t make it okay, though.  
  
He feels the urge to call him, to ask him if they can work things out but he doesn’t think that will happen. He can forgive the man, but he can’t work miracles. Nor can he grant wishes, no matter how fleeting.  
  
He sighs as he looks down at his junk food.  
  
A couple hours later, his Baileys ice cream is swimming in a whole bottle of Baileys liqueur and his bags of candy are all just about empty. He’s sufficiently drunk enough and hyper enough to forget he ever had feelings.

**Jensen**

  
He didn’t attend Christian’s funeral. There was nothing to bury. He can’t even remember the lie he told the police about what had happened. But he didn’t attend the funeral. He hasn’t attended church either.  
  
Persons from his flock continually call him, wishing him well and sending their condolences and God’s love. They think he’s avoiding them because he misses Christian. They couldn’t be further from the truth.  
  
He spends his time at home, watching  _Bewitched_ marathons on this old classic TV network he discovered. He doesn’t eat much; nausea at what he witnessed and what he did still makes it hard to keep anything other than simple chicken broth down, even after a month has passed. Every time he closes his eyes he sees Jared. He sees Jared’s inky gaze; sees the hazel; sees the yellow. His dreams are psychedelic mixes of the colours. They switch from one scene to the next so quickly it’s impossible to get a good night’s sleep.  
  
One minute Jared’s looking at him with all the love in the world sparkling in his hazel eyes. The next, Jared’s beneath, or above him, his mind doesn’t give preference, his yellow glazed eyes glinting at him, stealing his breath away. Finally, Jensen’s confronted with Jared’s black stare of rage, hurt and betrayal. Then it starts all over again.  
  
He’s losing weight, has stopped taking house calls and intervention requests. Misha still comes by all the time, much to Jensen’s dismay. Jensen hates that look of fierce disappointment in Misha’s gaze, only because it’s reflected back at him tenfold when he happens to glance at a mirror.  
  
He’s certain that he hates himself, which is strange because he’s heard that before you can love anyone else, you need to love yourself.  
  
Yet, he loves Jared more than ever.  
  
 **::**  
  
 _Hey, Jared. Um, hi, it’s me, I uh, I wanted to apologize, for you know… Well, yeah, you know. I, uh. I don’t really know what to say, but I just wanted to let you know that I really am sorry, I’m so fucking sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you or Tristan so badly. I, I know you probably haven’t forgiven me, I don’t forgive myself. I just really want you to know that I didn’t mean a word I said, of course that doesn’t mean anything anymore. But yeah, I’m sorry._  
  
Jensen is pacing around his room, practicing what he’d say if he ever got enough courage to call Jared himself. He takes quick strides that take him up and down the length of his bedroom. The cordless phone is gripped tightly in his hand and stuck to his ear, dial-tone grating and mocking against his eardrums. He can hear the soft whispering of wings in a corner of the room, but he doesn’t look around. He knows he’ll just see Misha and have to face the sadness in his eyes. What hurts the most, though, is knowing that above all, he’ll see pity.  
  
 _Hi! Jared! Hey, it’s Jensen. I just wanted to say I’m happy you’re not too hot right now. I mean, ‘cause you’re not in Hell. And earth is significantly cooler than Hell, right? That’s stupid. What I mean is –_  
  
Jensen stops his practice speech midway; throwing his phone into the wall. He grabs at his hair frantically and in anguish. He just can’t find the words to say. He wants o apologize, he needs to apologize, he needs to apologize until he was blue in the face but he just can’t find the damn words. What could he possibly say anyway?  
  
“Hey, Jared, I’m sorry for almost letting you get exorcised. And I’m sorry for denying everything we had together.”  
  
He’s pretty sure they don’t sell those kinds of cards in Hallmark.  
  
“Jensen,” Misha says. His voice is low and gravelly, nothing like the angel he’s become used to and it’s sad because he knows it’s his fault.  
  
“Don’t say a word, Misha,” Jensen replies, still not looking over at the angel. “I know what you’re going to say. I know you’re disappointed in me. I’m disappointed in myself. And I miss him, alright? I really fucking miss him. I… I had another chance. Another chance with Tristan, and yet he wasn’t totally Tristan. He was like a more manly Tristan, and since I never got to see him grow up, I don’t know the difference between adult Tristan and demon Tristan.” He sighs, running his fingers through his hair and wincing as he pulls a bit too hard and is rewarded with short strands of his dark blonde hair fitted between his fingers.  
  
“And I’ve lost him,” Jensen looks finally over at Misha. When he does, there’s a small, sad smile on his face. “I’ve lost him for the second and final time. And once again, it’s due to my own stupidity. I could have just told Chris about us. Could have told him everything, could have admitted that I did indeed love Jared. I mean, I’m not going to Hell for it, so why did I lie so blatantly? Can you tell me, truthfully, that I’m not going to go tell Hell for breaking his heart for a second time? I don’t think you can honestly tell me that.”  
  
He searches Misha’s serious face; he hasn’t seen a smile grace the angel’s features in this entire month.  
  
“You’re right,” Misha says finally, voice rough and deep. “You’ll need to repent for this sin, but you’ll need to clear the air with Jared first. This is between you and him, and you must right things with him before you can right things with God, Jensen.”  
  
“I know,” Jensen says, he feels small and forlorn and out of his depth. “But I can’t think of the words to say to him. I’m  _afraid_  to go to him, Misha! He fucking liquefied Christian right in front of me, and all he wanted to do was exorcise him. He’ll probably blow me to smithereens!” His pacing becomes more frantic as the panic sets in. “I’m never going to make things right with him. He  _hates_  me, Misha! He said so himself!”  
  
Misha shrugs. “Then I guess you have to find a way to make him love you again,” he says, face a carefully schooled blank page of no emotion. The sight unnerves Jensen, being so used to seeing every emotion known to man flitting across the angel’s face at any given time. Desperate for some sort of facial reaction on the angel’s face, Jensen speaks without thinking; without caring.  
  
“Well,” Jensen begins, sneering nastily in his own despair at the angel. “Why don’t you fucking show me how since you know everything and are a goddamn angel!”  
  
Finally there’s some emotion on Misha’s face, but it’s one of hurt. He’d hoped for anger at least, but not the hurt that he sees crumpling Misha’s face.  
  
There’s the soft fluttering of wings and he’s gone.  
  
Despair and anguish claw at Jensen and he lets out his grief in a rough scream. It rises, hits a plateau before breaking off in a sob. He stumbles his way to his bed and curls up on the sheets.  
  
His life had quickly become  _Jared._ And now he’s lost him.  
  
He’d be better off dead, but he has a flock to attend to.  
  
He’ll start that tomorrow.  
  
 **::**  
  
It’s Sunday. This is the first time that Jensen’s going to officiate a service since what happened with Jared. He’d prefer to stay home and drink himself stupid, but after so many members of his flock kept calling him and begging him to come back, he couldn’t say no anymore. Those people seemed to truly care about him, and worry over his wellbeing and he couldn’t possibly disappoint them any longer. He hasn’t told anyone about his planned return, opting for the element of surprise.  
  
He fits his clerical collar into the collar of his robs and slips his rosary over his head. He’s suddenly hit with a wave of grief as he remembers Jared and how Jared blew him in the confessional booth and that’s sort of how this whole thing started.  
  
And yeah, it probably started a long time ago, when Jensen began dating Tristan. But then Jared came along and Jensen was too gone to notice anything else anymore.  
  
Obviously, though, he wasn’t too far gone to keep Jared safe from being exorcised.  
  
His robes are off and lying in a heap on the floor before he can even blink twice. The collar was choking him and the material of the robes was chafing his skin as he felt the guilt coil through his veins. He gasps for air, gulping down the much needed oxygen as he rubs his throat soothingly, trying to get the feeling of the burning collar off his skin.  
  
He looks at the clothes as if they are a pile of snakes, hissing and slithering towards him. He jumps back, yelling a little. His breathing eases a little when he remembers that they are, indeed, just clothes and cannot harm him in any way. Nevertheless, he decides he’ll go to church as only a civilian today.  
  
A quick trip to his closet results in Jensen choosing a navy subtly pinstriped suit, that Danneel chose, with a white shirt and a bowtie. Because God deserves his best appearance, especially since he did so wrong by Jared, he fixes his hair nicely, artfully parting it on the side and slicking it down.  
  
He snaps his suspenders as he puts them on before slipping his jacket over his arms. He slides his phone in his pocket, totally not in hopes that Jared might call him, totally not.  
  
 **::**  
  
The response when he arrives brings tears to his eyes. He knew his congregation looked up to him as their direct link to God but he never thought they could possibly love him as much as they’ve showed.  
  
One little girl rushes up to him and wraps her little arms around his waist. “I missed you Father Ackles,” she whispers and he can’t hold the tears back then. He picks her up in his arms while her mother and father smile on approvingly.  
  
“Missed you too, little angel,” he says with genuine feeling as he presses a kiss to her forehead in blessing. “Have you been being a good little girl while I’ve been gone?” he asks playfully, the question directed at both the little girl and her parents.  
  
“I have been!” she says eagerly and her folks laugh. Either she’s telling the truth or they just don’t want to make their little angel seem like anything less in front of their priest. It’s not Jensen’s place to go sleuthing and finding out the truth. “That’s good, darling,” he says as he gently puts the little girl down. He smiles at the small family, feeling pangs of jealousy.  
  
He misses Danneel; misses the life and children he could have had with her.  
  
He misses Jared; misses the life and children he could have adopted with him.  
  
“I have to go greet everyone else,” Jensen says by way of excusal. He smiles at them in farewell and they do the same. As he walks away, looking for anyone else who may want to smother him in love, he’s suddenly pulled aside by a man with dirty blonde hair, eyes blackened. He gasps, the exorcism on his lips but a hand clutches around his throat, cutting off his words and breath.  
  
“Listen to me,” the demon says, voice dripping with undisguised hatred. “You’ve hurt my friend. And I’m not entirely sympathetic, because I  _did_ warn him, but you hurt my friend. I should kill you right now.” The hand around his throat tightens and Jensen can’t really understand why he isn’t dead yet, and why no one seems to be noticing this. Then just as suddenly as it happened, the hand squeezing the life from him bit by bit is removed.  
  
“But I won’t,” the demon says, voice low. Jensen can feel his dissatisfaction at not being able to kill him. “Because Jared would kill me in return. And I quite like my ass.” The black eyes glare at him. “But, trust this, Jensen, there is someone out there. Someone else who wants your head on a plate and I think they’d be doing us a favour.”  
  
Jensen doesn’t even blink; the demon is gone.  
  
He stands there, standing and staring at thin air, gasping and wincing at the burn with every breath.

**Jared**

  
It’s as if the church is calling out to him. There’s this urge to go there that rushes through Jared’s body with every breath he takes. He needs to see Jensen; he’s not mad enough to want to kill him anymore. The anger has left him with a hollow ache right where his heart is. He wishes he could have it back, just so he could feel something again, but all he’s feeling right now is an unhealthy need to see Jensen.  
  
He wants to run his fingers over the soft stubble that catches on his skin. In his opinion, Jensen Ackles should never be without a perpetual five o’ clock shadow. He wants to lose himself in those shimmering green eyes; wants to count every freckle speckled across his nose, his cheeks, his forehead; wants to see if the freckles can be found everywhere else. He never got to examine in the three times they had sex previously. He wants to lick connections to every freckle, mapping out the constellations with his tongue.  
  
Most of all, he just wants Jensen in his arms again.  
  
But that’s never going to happen. Jensen threw that away and Jared isn’t going to be the pathetic asshole that grovels after him. Even though he might really, really, want to.  
  
He rolls over off the couch, candy wrappers fluttering to the floor after him. He spent the night there, too caught up in crying and watching stupid  _Lifetime_ movies to consider moving to his room. One time during the night, Chad had come back. However, he took one look at Jared’s state and left immediately.  
  
He hopes that human Chad would have been a better friend to Tristan than demon Chad is to him.  
  
There’s movement to the left of him; he catches it in the corner of his eye. He turns his head and groans, closing his eyes in hopes that it will make this wretched demon go away.  
  
Holly laughs, a delicate tinkling laugh that reminds him of Sandy. Of course, Sandy isn’t  _this_ much of a psychopath. He misses her, he realizes, he should summon her here so they can have a non-date. She’d like the mocha frappe’s that earth seems to be famous for. He should –  
  
Holly, almost as if sensing that Jared isn’t paying attention to her anymore, hauls him up with a flick of her fingers. She smiles at him, teeth glinting in the light and gray eyes sharp and lethal. “Hi, there, Jared,” she says, casual as you please, as if they’re actually  _friends._  “Word is, you and your little priest boyfriend finally broke it off. I gotta say, I didn’t think you’d have the guts. I’m proud of you.”  
  
“Go to hell,” Jared spits out, struggling against her power. Holly laughs again. The delicate laugh that reminded him of Sandy suddenly grates on his ears, causing him actual physical pain.  
  
“I plan on going back home,” she admits, shrugging a little. “But, I got work to do. Now that your little boyfriend is sufficiently unprotected, I can work a little magic and send him where he belongs.” She lets Jared go and he stumbles a bit at the sudden loss of support. “He’s even pushed his angel away, and he’s right where I want him.”  
  
Jared feels sick, right down to his stomach, with despair. He’s going to start puking the awful concoctions of candy and alcohol he’s consumed since the breakup; preferably all over her. “Don’t fucking touch him,” he growls, hoping he sounds menacing and not like a scared little a boy.  
  
The wall is suddenly crashing into his side. He finally does throw up, the sick smell of fermented sugar and preservatives making him even more nauseous. Blood trickles down his temple, indenting in and touching his lips. Holly struts over to him; kneels and picks him up by his collar. Before he knows it, his head is rearing back as she punches him. It hits into the wall, dazing him a little.  
  
“Don’t you  _dare_  speak to me like that,” she’s snarling, calm exterior shattered by Jared’s audacity. “You have become a lesser demon than I, what with you reeking of humanity. You have no right to speak to me as you please, Jared.” She punches him again and Jared can feel his consciousness seep away.  
  
She pulls back and smiles, features carefully schooled back into the calm, carefree façade. “Think of it like I’m doing you a favour, Jared. He’s hurt you, and even though I hate you and what you’ve become, you are still one of my kind and I’ll avenge you, Jared. I can promise you that.”  
  
 **::**  
  
The church service is over by the time Jared comes to and plucks up enough courage to show up. People are milling about, bidding their farewells and just socializing after an intriguing service. He vaguely wonders if Jensen did the preaching.  
  
He just kind of stands there, not really paying attention to the people moving around him. His eyes are trained on the door of the church, looking for Jensen.  
  
There’s a tingle through his nerves, before he even sees him. Jensen steps out, smiling down at some pretty young thing and there’s a pang of jealousy before Jared recognizes her as Summer, their server. He knows the girl will probably wave at him if she sees him, knows that he really is too big to hide, knows that it is inevitable that she’ll see him. Yet, he can’t walk away. He stands there, staring.  
  
He’s right, of course. Summer whips her head around in a laugh and pauses, eyes widening then grinning broadly when she notices him. She yanks on Jensen’s arm, making him come down a bit to her level and whispers something in his ear. Jared can see him stiffen as he straightens. He looks around and his eyes land on Jared.  
  
Jared is assaulted by how green Jensen’s eyes are, even at a distance. He can see them sparkle, shimmer, shine. His heart clenches painfully in his chest, but he can’t look away.  
  
He wants to warn Jensen, wants to let him know that there’s a demon on his ass. He wants to take Jensen and go far, far away from Holly and all other demons. He wants to protect him, wants to kick his ass and fuck him long and hard and kiss him like he’ll never seen him again.  
  
But he can’t.  
  
Jensen’s still staring at him when he disappears.

**Jensen**

  
It’s been officially two months, one week, three days, 18 hours, 46 minutes and 59 seconds since Jensen broke up with Jared. Jensen isn’t even aware that he’s been keeping track, but when he stops to really think about it, the statistics amaze him.  
  
Additionally, it’s been one month, three weeks, four days, 21 hours, 19 minutes and 30 seconds since he last saw Jared.  
  
That Sunday never leaves him alone. Every time he closes his eyes he can see Jared’s hazel gaze shimmering behind his eyelids. He doesn’t know why Jared showed up at the church; he hasn’t actually spoken to the demon, he’s just seen him. But that one look was all Jensen really needed, he knew he needed to mend things with Jared but he didn’t know how.  
  
He apologized to Misha the second he returned home from church, crying a little in the angel’s arms and laughing just a bit when Misha commented on just how gay Jared’s made him.  
  
Said angel hasn’t been able to find a way to get Jared back to him either, though. They helplessness Jensen feels pisses him off to no end. He’s not used to feeling so useless and worthless. This thing with Jared blossomed into something that he never thought he could have again and he doesn’t even feel worthy enough to try to pursue it. Misha tries to convince him every day that Jared really does love him and he won’t try to murder Jensen if he made the first move, but Jensen doesn’t think he believes him. It’s not like Misha makes it a habit to talk to Jared about their breakup problems.  
  
And that’s another thing. Jensen keeps calling this rift between them a ‘breakup’ but they were never together. Not really. They never made things official. Hell, Jensen had stated in no uncertain terms that he didn’t love Jared; that he could never love Jared. He’d been sure he was right, but he’d been so wrong. Still, though, they never really established that this thing between them was anything more than amazing sex with the added bonus of an angsty back-story that made the fucking  _that_  much more intense.  
  
Jensen needs to get his mind off Jared. He needs to throw himself back into the Lord’s work and hope that if he studies to be a monk he can get back in His good graces. He’ll start with some housecalls, though. Maybe if he helps some people with their walk with God, it’ll help him with his.  
  
In the middle of his musings, he hears that soft whisper of wings. “Hi, Misha,” he greets, looking up from where he’s currently lying facedown on his bed.  
  
“Jensen.” Misha replies, sitting down next to him.  
  
“I saw Jared,” Jensen blurts out, ignoring any preamble. It’s also the first time since seeing Jared that he’s spoken to Misha and he’s been wanting to get the awkward feeling off his chest. “At the church. A month ago. He showed up.” He takes a deep breath, rolling over on his back and staring up at the ceiling. “He was gorgeous, Misha,” he says quietly, voice low and wistful. “He just stood there, staring at me and I hated myself a little more.”  
  
He heaves an almighty sigh. He knows he’s behaving like a teenaged girl after her first breakup but he can’t help it. It’s worse because he knows he broke Jared’s heart, possibly beyond repair. “I want him back, Misha. I don’t know how to do it.”  
  
“Call him over,” Misha says. Jensen notes a bit of emotion in his voice and his heart soars at the thought of getting his angel back. Now he just needs his demon. “Braid his hair or something. Make him a nice little romantic dinner with candles then make the sweetest love.” Jensen blushes at this but Misha just continues. “Let him make love to you this time. To solidify it, so he knows, I mean really  _knows_ that you’re his.”  
  
“I…” Jensen shrugs, blushing bright red at Misha’s suggestion. “Yeah, I think you’re right.”  
  
Misha slaps his shoulder. When Jensen looks over at him fully he can see the ghost of his past smile fluttering across his face.  
  
“I’m always right,” Misha says.  
  
 **::**  
  
And that’s how Jensen finds himself staring forlornly at a bag of frozen shrimp exactly a week from his talk with Misha. “What do I do with this!” He yells at the angel, throwing the bag at him. Misha narrowly catches it and wrinkles his nose at the little grey things.  
  
“Cook them, obviously.”  
  
Misha’s wearing a shirt that reads KISS THE CHEF, JARED. JUST KISS THE FUCKING CHEF, and it made Jensen laugh until he started sobbing.  
  
“I don’t know how to cook them. I can’t believe I let you talk me into this.” Jensen glares at the packet of fettuccine lying on the counter. At this point, he thinks he’ll call the restaurant they went to and pick up a few dinners and stick them in the oven so they’re still hot when Jared gets here. Speaking of which, he hasn’t called him yet. His philosophy is that he’ll wait until the food is ready so the caring human in him will feel so bad that he went to all this trouble and end up coming over.  
  
“Dude. You have an internet connection for a reason?” Misha says, voice in a palpable  _duh_  tone. “Google it and, bam! You’ll have an instant step by step guide for making fettuccine alfredo with shrimp from scratch.”  
  
“Have I ever mentioned I hate you?” Jensen says but his mouth twitches slightly in a smile.  
  
“It’s been said once or twice,” Misha replies with an answering grin. “But I’ll never believe you because you also say how much you love me while you’re sleepin’.”  
  
“C’mon dude,” Jensen balks. “I do not.”  
  
“You do,” Misha says with a triumphant cackle just as Jensen’s phone rings. It’s his ‘priest phone’. It’s on a separate number than his regular phone. This phone only rings when people have a spiritual request.  
  
“Keep tellin’ yourself that,” Jensen replies, flipping the angel off briefly as he walks towards the phone. He feels a bit concerned that it’s his priest phone that’s ringing and sends up a little prayer for the person on the other line. He only hopes that God listens to and acknowledges it.  
  
“Hello?” He says pleasantly once he’s answered. “Father Ackles’ residence, how may I assist you?”  
  
“Father Ackles?” A young woman’s voice greets him. She sounds frantic, scared, panicked and terrified. Jensen’s cool demeanor is immediately set aside and he stands a little straighter. “Father Ackles,” the young woman says in a shrill, pleading voice. “Please, you gotta help me. I don’t know what to do!”  
  
“Okay,” Jensen says, voice low and authoritative. “You need to calm down, dear. Tell me exactly what’s wrong.”  
  
“I think I’m possessed!” The woman yells and Jensen’s blood turns to frozen slush. “I… I-I-I I saw this black smoke and that’s…. that’s what you see right? I… The…. It barreled right at me but I don’t… d-d-don’t feel any different.” Jensen shakes his head, grips the phone tighter. This thing for Jared is going to have to wait. It hurts his heart a little but he can’t turn away a young woman who thinks she might have a demon inside her.  
  
“Alright,” Jensen says, ignoring the silent force of Misha suddenly beside him. “Here’s what you’re going to do okay?” He reels off his address to the poor girl, already cataloguing all the things he’s going to need just in case this happens to require an exorcism. “Get here as soon as you can. God be with you, my child.”  
  
He hangs up and turns to look at Misha. “I need you to help me paint.”  
  
A few minutes later, there’s a devil’s trap painted right in front of Jensen’s door and they’re armed with water guns filled with holy water. “There’s a young girl who’s terrified that she’s possessed,” Jensen had explained while they painted the trap. “I’m sorry but I need to help this poor young lady first, before I can think about anything else.”  
  
“Yeah, that’s your problem,” Misha had muttered but Jensen made a point of ignoring him.  
  
They keep both eyes on the door, watching it closely, never looking away. It seems like they’ve been waiting for hours and they don’t even hear the sound of a car driving up Jensen’s driveway. They’re about to slacken on their surveillance when they hear a hysterical scream from the middle of Jensen’s living room. Quickly, water guns poised to shoot, they whirl around. Slowly, ever so quietly, they make to their way to where a young girl is standing, almost catatonic in her terror. She’s petite and blonde, hair disheveled by how she keeps yanking at it with trembling hands.  
  
She turns to look at Jensen as they approach her, eyes wild and flaming. “How did I get here!” She shrieks. “I don’t know how I got here! Father Ackles, please help me!” Her eyes turn black and her screams reach decibels Jensen didn’t know humans were capable of hearing. “What just happened! Why is everything darker!”  
  
“Oh no,” Jensen breathes, raising the gun. He’s about to shoot some of the water on her when the young lady stands. She straightens up and smiles, eyes still oily black. “I deserve an Oscar for that,” she gushes, smoothing down her hair with her hands.  
  
Jensen freezes, he’s confused. Has the demon already completely infiltrated this girl’s soul? Or is it… Something completely different?  
  
She turns to Misha, smile still plastered on her face. “Leave,” she says, voice dripping with poisonous sweetness.  
  
“No,” Misha grits out, face hard and vicious as he walks towards her.  
  
“Not so fast,” she sing-songs. She holds a hand up and suddenly Misha’s suspended in the air, blood starting to bloom beneath his shirt. “I will kill you, darling Misha, you’re just a lowly cherub compared to me, sweetheart.” she sighs, as if he really isn’t worth her time. “But I’m not in the mood to kill any angels today. So leave. Or I’ll kill your friend here.” She drops him unceremoniously, and he looks over at Jensen.  
  
Jensen really doesn’t want to have the blood of an angel on his hands, so he nods his head. “Go, Misha,” he says firmly, not leaving any room for argument. He puts his gun of holy water on the ground, kicks it away, showing the demon that he’s not going to pose a threat. “ _Go_ ” he tells Misha again when he realizes the angel is still there.  
  
Misha looks pained at the thought of leaving him, but Jensen has already lost one best friend. He doesn’t need to lose another one. With a slight inclination of his head, Misha disappears with the echo of flapping wings.  
  
He turns to the demon. “What do you want?” he inquires warily. This demon obviously isn’t as friendly as Jared, so he figures this is the one that the demon at church last month was talking about. The one that really wants him dead. He only asked the question to gain a little time to contemplate the situation and make a decision. He has the exorcism ritual right on the tip of his tongue, just in case.  
  
“You, of course,” she says with that faux sweet, innocent voice. “You’ve made me and a whole lot of people angry.” She shrugs. “Of course, when I say people, I mean demons.” She starts walking around to him, circling him, drifting her fingers against his arm, the nape of his neck. “So consider us your Spurned Lovers’ Club,” she says with a breathy little chuckle. “And I’m the president.”  
  
“Oh, yeah?” Jensen says, voice gruff with fear. “And why’s that?”  
  
“Because I’m the one who caused you to go on your genocidal rampage,” she snarls. “I felt pretty damn lousy, knowing that it was because of me that you got set on your priest path. I didn’t expect you to have that kind of reaction to me.”  
  
The one who…. The one who what? Started it all? The thing that started it all was his lovely wife being possessed. His already frozen blood turns to rock hard ice. “You bitch,” he sneers, tears springing unbidden to his eyes. “I loved her!”  
  
“Yeah,” she says gleefully. “I know! It was beautiful. The repercussions, not so much. But oh man, stringing you along was a fantastic experience. You were great in the sack too, of course, Jared will be able to attest to this as well.” She digs her nails into his scalp, right at the base where the skin meets his neck. “You makin’ it a habit to fuck demons who posses the people you love, Jennyboy?”  
  
“Shut up,” Jensen hisses, his heart thumping hard in his chest at the mention of Jared. “He’s nothing like you.”  
  
He’s suddenly flung into his TV. Glass shatters around him, embedding deep into his skin. “He’s just like us!”she’s yelling as she walks up to him. He’s thrown up to the ceiling and hits the floor with a sickening thud. “He disgusts me,” she snarls as she towers over him. He holds his side as pain blooms up his ribs and spits out blood, along with a tooth. “Thinks he’s ever so perfect since he got a bit of  _humanity_. What a fucking pathetic sellout  _loser._ ”  
  
"He's still everything like us," the demon hisses, dragging a sharp nail down the side of Jensen's face, blood beading on the surface where the nail breaks the skin. "Don't you ever think differently. You see how he obliterated your dear friend? He won't hesitate to do the same to you." She smiles softly, running her thumb over Jensen's bottom lip. "Oh! I'm so rude!"  
  
She stands, raising Jensen up with a flick of her finger and keeping him suspended in the air. "M'name's Holly," she says, voice all sticky with fake sweetness and dripping venom. "And I'm the demon that possessed your darling wife all those years ago. I think you need to thank me. If it weren't for me, you would have never discovered your true calling as a priest!" She grins and it's the most feral, lethal thing he's ever seen. "So before I kill you, I think some appreciation is in order. Ahem. Repeat after me: Thank you, Holly."  
  
"Go to hell," Jensen grits out, sneering down at the demon.  
  
"Hey," she says, still casual and calm even as it feels as if she's reaching inside him and twisting his organs around. "That really hurts a girl's feelings," she coos, and excruciating agony shoots through his system. "I think you should be a bit kinder to the chick that holds your life in her hands."  
  
"I owe nothing to you!" Jensen yells through the pain, coughing up a bit of blood. "So kill me, if that's what'll get you off. I don't think I care anymore. I've lost just about everything and I'm pretty sure Misha can find another worthless son-of-bitch to protect."  
  
"Aw," she says, pouting prettily at him. "You're no fun Jensen Ackles. C'mon, I'll make it into a little show, like a circus, if you will. Complete with wild dogs and everything!"  
  
In the distance, Jensen can hear the snarling of what sounds like wolves and the snapping of their jaws.  
  
"Hope you like puppies, Jenny," she says with a beauteous smile.  
  
The windows in the living room shatter, and the sound of snarling and vicious barking intensifies. She grins at him then shrugs and she lowers him to the ground; to the mercy of invisible beasts. He can't really see anything, he just sees these shadowy creatures standing right by the window sill. Fear and terror grip his heart, squeezing it so painfully that he thinks he may die before the beasts even get to him.  
  
"Don't worry, Jensen," She says silkily. "I'll be sure this lasts as long as possible."  
  
He can hear them pawing at the ground, can smell their rancid breath can feel the scorching heat of it boil the sweat popping up on his skin. "Remember what I said to you just before you sent me back down to Hell, Jensen, baby?" he hears her saying and he turns his face to her, fright written all over his features.  
  
He takes it back, he doesn't want to die. He wants to live, doesn't care if he can't live with Jared anymore. He wants to stay alive. He wants to go hang out with Summer. He wants to go see his family. He wants to return to leading his flock. "Please…" he says softly, lungs feeling too tight, too heavy in his chest as he speaks. The pain from her twisting around his organs is still acute in his senses and he coughs up blood again, the taste of it tangy and bitter on his tongue.  
  
"'Cause I remember every word." She's not grinning anymore. She's let her facade crack and Jensen can see the unbridled hate and anger she feels towards him. "I remember promising that you'd feel every bit of pain you inflicted on me all those years ago, and I never got to make good on that promise. Until now!" She laughs, and it sounds like a cackle, witchlike and terrifying.  
  
For a brief second, she looks like Danneel and before Jensen can even blink, she's kissing him. It feels nothing like how Danneel used to kiss and it repulses him. It also feels nothing like Jared's kiss and he feels sick to his stomach. She pulls back and grins at him. Her smile seems to intensify the pain shooting through him and he groans in agony, coughing up yet more blood as his organs pulse in a strange way due to their rearrangement.  
  
She straightens and steps back. "Sic 'im, boys," she says in a soft, sultry voice.  
  
Jensen has two seconds, maybe three, to wonder what the hell she's talking about before he feels it: claws ripping into his skin. Blood bursts from his body before his eyes and his head kicks back in a scream of excruciating pain.  
  
  


**Jared**

"It took me forever to find you!" Misha's yelling at him angrily. Jared's surprised as all hell. He was just sitting in his living room, eating cake and watching  _Jerseylicious_  when the angel appeared right in front of him, screaming in his face about how hard he was to find.  
  
"What the fuck are you looking for me, for?" Jared says petulantly, folding his arms over his chest. "I don't really appreciate you interrupting me in the middle of Gigi and Olivia's fight." And honestly, does Jensen think that sending him apologies via Misha on his behalf is going to help anything? What kind of fucking coward is he? His jaw ticks when he remembers: the kind of coward that would rather lie and risk getting his boyfriend exorcised than admit that they had something.  
  
And what the fuck is up with Misha's shirt?  
  
"Jensen's in trouble," Misha blurts out suddenly, and Jared stops breathing. He stares with a rapt, sort of grim, attention as Misha tells him everything that went down. However, his mind seems to forget all about the possessed girl and backtracks all the way to Jensen planning to cook a meal for him. He thinks about how it could have gone down, if they’d be able to move past all the hurt. And to be honest, Jared really thinks they can. He hopes so anyway.  
  
“Are you fucking listening to me?” Misha hollers in his face, effectively bringing Jared out of his slight trance but only a little.  
  
Jared's still sort of stuck at the idea of Jensen actually  _cooking_ for him. "What was he going to cook?" he asks Misha, voice bordering on dreamy.  
  
"What?" The angel responds incredulously. "I'm telling you that Jensen is about to murdered and you want to know what he was going to  _cook_?"  
  
"Just answer the question!" Jared yells.  
  
"Fine!" Misha barks, running a hand through his short hair. "He was going to do fettuccine alfredo with shrimp."  
  
And that, right there, is the reason why Jared could never really hate Jensen no matter how hard he tried. Heart swelling almost painfully with love for the stupid human, Jared nods with a soft sigh. "Alright," he says firmly, shaking out his hair and rolling his shoulders back. "Let's go."  
  
"No. I'm not going there. I don't want to jeopardize anything," Misha says resolutely.  
  
Jared nods. "Alright. I'll go. Stay here, he may need healing."  
  
Misha scoffs. "Like I'd be going anywhere else at this time."  
  
 **::**  
  
It takes Jared nearly fifteen minutes to get to Jensen. The demon must have done something to make sure that he wouldn't be easy to find and by the time he reaches Jensen's house, his nerves are shot and he desperately needs a cigarette.  
  
As it is, Jared doesn't land inside Jensen's home; he lands in the driveway. Even from outside he can hear the sickening snap of jaws and crack of bone as  _oh god, she brought hellhounds_  gnaw on Jensen's body. He's about to go through the front door, but it suddenly hits him that Jensen and Misha painted a devil's trap in front of it; he's not going to be any help whatsoever to Jensen if he can't move. He roams around the perimeter of the house, stopping when he comes across a broken window. He peers inside and nearly retches when he sees what's going on.  
  
Holly is standing at the doorway of the living room, a bright smile on her face. Jensen's still alive, just barely; she must have commanded her mutts to take it slow. He can see their shadowy forms gnawing into Jensen's stomach, it's raw and bloody. His chest has long rakes of claw marks and he can see it move up and down slowly with every pained breath. He almost wishes that bitch would just let them kill him right out, just to put him out of this agony.  
  
Anger, terror, fear and loathing for that horrible woman cause him to climb through the window. The shards of glass tear at his clothes and cut his skin but he doesn't care.  
  
"Holly!" he roars, and the woman actually startles. "Stop this, right now." It's stupid, he knows it is, there's no way that woman will listen to him, but he's just buying time until he can figure out a way to kill her without her hurting Jensen anymore.  
  
She recovers quickly though and pins that pretty, dangerous, smile on him. "Oh, hello, Jared," she says pleasantly, as if she's  _not_  murdering an innocent man with demonic dogs. "Come to see the show? I must say, though, darling. You're a bit late." She casts a glare down at Jensen then looks up with disgust etched onto her face. "I'm about to go as well."  
  
Jared looks down at Jensen. Jensen looks up at him. Jared can see the apology in his eyes and can feel his own tears start to well. Jensen takes a deep breath, a whimper of pain escapes his lips as he does so. "I'm sorry," he whispers, it's so soft Jared barely hears it but he can feel the words resonate deep within him; within the depths of Tristan’s soul that’s now become his.  
  
Jensen's eyes go glassy and all Jared can think is no,  _no_.  
  
"Well, look at that," Holly purrs, and the dogs step back, licking their snouts. "That's all folks!" Her blonde head kicks back in a grotesque scream, jaw opened too wide, as a barrel of black smoke pours out of her mouth and dissolves into the ground.  
  
"No," Jared whispers, slowly walking over to Jensen's lifeless form. He bites his lip as the tears start to fall down his cheeks. "No," he says again as he kneels beside Jensen and pull his bloodied corpse into his arms. He can't hold back now, starts sobbing as he looks into Jensen's dimming green eyes. He presses his forehead to Jensen's cold and clammy one.  
  
"Jen," he breathes, his voice broken and tinged with pain. It’s almost a prayer; he bows his head and closes his eyes, letting the sorrow take over.


	7. dona eis requiem. Amen.

**~Epilogue~**

****  
Because deep down, Tristan is a romantic at heart, Jared's performing this ritual in the basement where Jensen tried to exorcise him. He lights a ring of candles and if his hands shake a little, who’s to know? A wooden bowl with words of the ancient language inscribed all over it sits on a glowing blue flame in the centre of the circle. A small pool of his blood mixed with Jensen’s sits at the bottom of the bowl. A poultice of various herbs soak in the blood and Jared steps back for a minute to make sure everything is in its right place.  
  
Jared holds an old journal out in front of him, eyes trained on the words. It is a language older than Latin, the language from which Latin was created. He flips the brittle pages until he finds what he’s looking for, the ritual that will mend everything. Jared can’t believe he cares this much, but he and Jensen had been in a huge fight just before Jensen died and he can’t let things end like that. He just can’t. He can’t leave Jensen in Hell to face the wrath of all the demons he’d exorcised. He can’t let Jensen go through eternity believing that Jared never loved him. That he hated him.  
  
There is the soft whispering of flapping wings and Jared doesn’t have to turn around to know that Misha had answered his call. No words are exchanged; Misha knows what he needs to do. A flash of silver in the dim candle light and Misha’s holding his hand out over the bowl and letting his crimson blood drip into it. He stirs it with his finger before stepping back beside Jared and staring intently. Jared is grateful that Misha has set aside his normally quirky personality and realized how grave and important this moment is.  
  
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Misha says, his voice uncharacteristically quiet and strong... “How do you know he’ll still be your Jensen once you bring him out?”  
  
“He has to be.” Jared says, voice trembling slightly though he’ll never admit it. “He hasn’t been dead for that long. He can’t have been changed in less than thirty six hours.” Finally he turns to look at Misha, ebony eyes glistening in the flickering candle night. “I can’t believe that he’s become like me in such a short time,” he says softly. “He has to be my Jensen, still.” He turns to look at the ritual circle once more. “He has to be.” He looks down at the journal in his hands, ready to bring Jensen back.  
  
Jared’s hands tremble and his voice is thick with emotion; emotions he didn’t know he could feel. He looks down at the book and sends up a prayer to whoever would listen to a heartbroken demon that this thing works. He clears his throat, the sound jarring in the stillness before he starts to read. He has to pause when his voice cracks and his cheeks flame and he doesn’t look at Misha due to his embarrassment. He closes his eyes and composes himself, channeling Jensen’s peace authority when he’s performing an exorcism. He can feel Jensen’s smile, his real smile, the one he gives to Jared when he’s not over thinking everything, when he’s just focusing on the fact that they had something.  
  
Once he feels more confident in this, in himself, in them, he opens his mouth to read again. He squares his shoulders, plants his feet shoulder width apart, and stares with narrowed black eyes at the blue flame. He begins to speak before Heaven and Hell, demanding that they bring Jensen back, the exact state in which he went down.  
  
 _“Avek, tyo hbar lithré,_ ” he says in a low, authoritative voice. Beside him, Misha is still as stone, the angel’s energy buzzing around him. He knows Misha cared deeply for Jensen; he knows he won’t let him down. “ _Gÿiknym, avke rvtnlym hitrrique._ ” Already he can feel the power of the ancient words flow through him, through his voice; can imagine the sounds reaching down to Hell, wrapping around Jensen in some kind of invisible rope, making him rise, into the sky, evading all the demons who longed for his demise. “ _Brithhbar, xrentlek, ĳyrejvlan!_ ” He can feel a slight tremor beneath his feet and he takes that as a symbol that it’s working, that Misha just has to say his part and Jensen will be back, back here in his arms and they can make up and continue in their path of iniquity and just be fucking happy.  
  
Jared hands the journal to Misha, pointing to where his part begins. The angel takes the old book into his hands and as he does so, Jared clasps his hands in front of him, watching that blue flame as it flickers different colours. His breathing hitches slightly as Misha begins to read, it’s a short ritual but effective as fuck if performed correctly. Soon, he thinks, soon he’ll have his Father Ackles back.  
  
“ _Avek, tiu knem tilrm_ ,” Misha says in his low gravelly voice. His blue eyes mimic the hue of the flame as its reverted back to its original blue light. “H _vetlůjk, rventk jŉwexǎ._ ” The trembling becomes more pronounced as the candles start to shake violently and their flame almost flickers out. There’s a loud rumbling of thunder in Jared’s head and he realizes that it’s not just in his head when he looks at Misha and sees the angel wincing at the loud noise. For a minute, Jared is terrified that Misha will back out and that Jensen will be lost to him for the rest of eternity, but he nearly faints when Misha’s voice sounds out over the booming thunder.  _“Kcenti polfriuj, vntyglace!”_  
  
The shaking causes the majority of the candles to fall over, but instead of causing the place to catch fire, they just dissolve away. Ever changing hues of flame cast eerie glows over the words they’re reading. Misha side steps a bit closer to Jared and this is it. This is the moment of truth, literally. These are the final lines of the ritual and if this doesn’t work Jared will go back to Hell and bring him out himself, even if he dies in the process. Jared clears his throat before speaking his demonic name and then Misha speaks his angelic title. Speaking in tandem, they state Jensen’s full name before finishing the rituals required words.  _“Ihі’ǚzrn, ōh’mj, qrekluy. Bsžryl, cvultis, glnũrx ýikùnvm óyluti. Ędhklum tyolk dhne!”_  
  
The earth seems to give this almighty groan as the shaking hits a maximum. The flame beneath the bowl of herbs and blood explodes in a blinding array of every colour ever discovered and manufactured. Jared and Misha shield their eyes with their arms as the heat becomes almost overwhelming, but if it’s actually working, there’s no way Jared will leave and not be there to kiss Jensen within an inch of his life. There’s an almost deafening roar as what could only be described as the gates of Hell being destroyed for a moment as Jensen is wrenched from within them.  
  
The whole ordeal is over so quickly that Jared is almost not sure it happened. The only thing that proves it really did is that when Jared pulls his arm down, he can see the multi-hued embers from the fire smolder around Jensen’s feet.  
  
Jared pauses for a second. He looks at Misha then at Jensen and Misha’s looking at him before looking at Jensen and Jensen looks at them both as if they’re mirages and he wants to believe they’re real but he knows they’re not. Jensen doesn’t seem to be damaged and that’s more than Jared can wish for. The three creatures stand at three points, almost forming a triangle with Jensen at the tip. It’s almost too good to be true, Jared can hardly believe it worked, he’s waiting for the illusion to waver and vanish and leave him emptier than he’s ever been. There’s that soft whispering of wings and suddenly there’s only two. Jared’s almost feeling betrayed that Misha would leave him in such a stressful time but maybe it’s better like this.  
  
“Jared?” Jensen says, in a soft low voice. He takes a tentative step towards Jared, then tenses and pauses, wincing. Jared knows it’s because he can’t believe he’s here, can’t believe he’s back. Jared knows because he can’t quite believe it either. It’s almost too good to believe: that he, a filthy demon would have another shot at a love he never knew he could find. “Jay…” Jensen’s voice is thick with tears he’s keeping at bay. “Jay, that really you?”  
  
Jared huffs out a little laugh and looks toward the ceiling, shaking his head and looking back at Jensen. “Yeah, Jen,” he mumbles. Hazel eyes glistening with tears and tinting yellow briefly. “It’s me. It’s really me. I brought you back.” The tension between them snaps when Jared lets out a little sob and rushes to take Jensen into his arms. It hurts that the last time he held Jensen like this, he was dead in his arms. “I brought you back, baby.” He presses a kiss to Jensen’s forehead, holding him closer when he feels the shorter man sob against him. Jared is giddy with a happiness that reminds him of how Tristan felt back when he was thirteen and Jensen was the most important thing in his life. He laughs a little –history has repeated itself- and pushes Jensen away just far enough so he could kiss him deeply.  
  
“I brought you back.”  
  
“Jay….” Jensen breathes, speaking against Jared’s lips, unwilling to pull away.  
  
“Jen.” Jared replies, sucking Jensen’s lower lip into his mouth.  
  
“I love you,” Jensen mumbles, words distorted by Jared sucking on his bottom lip but Jared can understand exactly what Jensen’s saying.  
  
And he smiles against Jensen’s mouth. He feels Jensen slip his hands under Jared’s shirt and rub circles into the skin stretched over his hipbones. He feels Jensen press his thumbs into almost-fading bruises, making them hurt deliciously. He knows what’s he’s going to say. He knows he needs to say it. Needs to say it because it’s true and he’s been trying to deny it for too long now. It’s time to admit it. He takes a deep breath, inhaling Jensen in, keeping him there, and savoring the taste of him on his tongue, the smell of him.  
  
“I love you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic would not exist if it weren't for Charlie. She was my initial beta and was my cheerleader every time I became stuck and wanted to drop out of this thing. If it weren't for her, I would have dropped out, more than likely. The pressure was so real and it was only because of her that I stuck with this story and saw it through to the end. It is the first fic I've ever finished and it's the longest thing I have ever written. I have to admit that I am very proud of it; this is the beginning of an era.
> 
> I would also like to thank xdarkdesires for her quick beta of the fic. You also helped me be determined to finish it fully and post it. So, thank you so very much. Much thanks also go out to soserendipity bless her heart, she wasn't able to finish beta'ing the entire thing but what she did do really added to the story, I think. Thank you so much, darling. So many hugs going your way.
> 
> I also want to thank everyone at omgspnbigbang and wrap them up in so many freaking hugs for being there for me when I wanted to drop out and thought that I was no good to take part. You're all beautiful angels and I can't thank you enough simply for being there when I was insecure and helping me to build up my confidence.
> 
> Special thanks to cherie_morte for actually messaging me and giving me one of the biggest confidence boosts ever. I really can't thank you enough for that, it was the best and sweetest surprise.
> 
> All the thanks and praise goes to my talented artist mangacat201 for providing me with a beautiful video and picking my story when I thought it had the most stupid premise and wouldn't be chosen by anyone. You were an absolute pleasure to work with and a total darling. This video is everything I could have hoped for and more! Thank you, my sweet, and hats off to your amazing vidding skills!
> 
> Last but not least, I have to thank wendy and thehighwaywoman for hosting this amazing challenge. This is my first ever attempt at writing a legitimate spn rps fic since I only joined the fandom in 2011 and I was too busy writing a7x fics at the time. When the challenge opened for this year I signed up almost immediately, and I nearly worried myself sick over this thing but I can't thank them enough for giving me and so many other newbies a chance to try our hand at writing long little fic novellas.
> 
> And hey, one more thank you. Thanks to all of you reading this right now! If you're here that means you stuck with all five (seven?) parts of this monstrosity I've written and thank you so much for that. Thank you thank you thank you for reading this. It means a lot to me that people would actually read this and (hopefully) enjoy it. This isn't the last you've seen of syngates_guitar! I've already signed up for two more challenges. But it's because of this one that I have the confidence to even consider the others
> 
> So thank you. Every single one of you. <3


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